@jcorb

(2 self defeating paragraphs including) or just saying "you're 35 years old, you missed your opportunity for making changes, I need to just accept that I'm never going to be in good shape or attractive".

Bro, take this digital slap back to your senses. Ksssh! Now...

I was in my early 40s when I joined a dojo, where I stayed for years and made it up to green belt alongside mostly 20-somethings. I was in my mid-40s when I really hit my Red Pill stride, and started sleeping with more women per year than all the years up to 40 combined.

Now, a plan of action. Jogging gets really hard on your joints, especially on hard surfaces. Find a dirt track or large grassy park to jog at. Also, do burst sprints. Bicycling makes a really good low-impact cardio workout. I decked out a cheap used mountain bike and my helmet with reflective tape for safety and a bunch of cheap ebay flashy lights and rechargable batteries because drivers are fucking blind, and rode like hell to build my cardio in my 40s. This is all stuff you can get started with for free and or a cheap one time investment, you don't need to go all-in on costly gym fees for good cardio workouts. Also see if your city has a municipal pool with reasonable rates for residents, swimming makes another very high intensity yet low impact workout.

Another thing, you don't need to drop $150 on a starter gi, buy one online maybe even used for more like $20-59 and get the $150 version when you wear it out a bit from hard use, or don't if martial arts don't stick for you for whatever reasons after some good trying.

After as little as a week of training, you should be able to make the warm up laps around the mat without humiliation. They knew it wasn't your gym shorts, but if they didn't go out of their way to humiliate you on the spot, and it's not an asshole dojo, you'll find martial arts types generally really respect people for trying and consider proper humility more a feature than a flaw. Give the place another try in the near future in the name of character building, and if you find their overall vibe sucks then try others.

Now, go get 'em, Tiger!

So, like... I'm trying to pick myself up after fucking humiliating myself yesterday.

A buddy of mine encouraged me to check out his BJJ gym, I checked it out and thought it looked cool, one of the coaches recommended coming back for a "fundamentals" class. I show up yesterday, and for the "warm up", they just start by jogging around the mats.

I jog for all of about 20 seconds, and I'm immediately super winded, I see I'm basically about to be "lapped" by the people who started off in front. I just trail off to the side, the coach asks if everything's okay, I'm panting and just make up some weak excuse that "oh I'm having trouble keeping these gym shorts up" (I legit don't have any workout clothes), and he's just like "yeah maybe just come back another night or something".

I just feel like the fattest, most useless piece of shit on the planet. I'm in such bad fucking shape, I couldn't even begin an attempt to be active. On the drive home, I just thought how fucking pathetic I must've looked, and just what a hopeless case I am. Like, it's no wonder I can't get laid, I'm a sad excuse for a human being.

I'm caught between just trying to sake "fuck it, let me spend like $150 on a BJJ gi and just try and stick with it", or just saying "you're 35 years old, you missed your opportunity for making changes, I need to just accept that I'm never going to be in good shape or attractive". I'm also not sure how to show my face at a place where, literally like 20 seconds in, I straight bailed.

@jcorb

Do any of you guys -- particularly anyone in their 30's or above -- struggle with feeling you don't really "belong" anywhere?

I just relocated for a job, which fortunately wound up being fully-remote anyways, so I'm basically free to live wherever I want. I'm 35, and I'm debating whether to live closer to family (I love my dad and sister a ton, but we need our space), or if I should just kind of live the nomadic life for a bit, and "try out" living in different places I feel like I want to live.

I love my family to death, but in the year I lived with them, my life kinda went to shit. They're not the most uplifting bunch, or particularly driven. They're pretty content with living in a small town, whereas I guess I've become kind of a bougie bitch, I like being places where there's shit to do. But moreover, everyone in my family tends to be kind of a hermit, and it's a tendency I have as well, so I feel like we all kind of feed off of each other. I put on a shit ton of weight in the year I lived back home, and I was never an active person to begin with.

But I guess I've just been reflecting -- since I definitely need to move soon (like, I literally need to be moving somewhere come beginning of June) -- and maybe this will sound dumb, but I guess I just don't feel like I've ever really found my "people", or my "place in the world".

Part of me wonders if I ought to just say "fuck it" and make a move someplace drastic, someplace I think I might really want to live. Like no shit, I've wanted to go to Hawaii my entire life, and the folks I've met from the islands, I've just always gotten the impression that "my kind of people" might be closer there?

Or is that just crazy nonsense, and I should just stick to whatever seems most practical, and just worry about taking a "trip" to Hawaii one day?

No clue, but if your job allows you to travel, and you've no mortgage or dependents then go travel. Get yourself a rig that can handle traveling along side you and just travel. See the national parks. See the corny roadside landmarks. See the wonders of the world. Then when you get home sick, come home for a bit. Just make sure your employers checks clear and your weapons are serviceable.

Do any of you guys -- particularly anyone in their 30's or above -- struggle with feeling you don't really "belong" anywhere?

I just relocated for a job, which fortunately wound up being fully-remote anyways, so I'm basically free to live wherever I want. I'm 35, and I'm debating whether to live closer to family (I love my dad and sister a ton, but we need our space), or if I should just kind of live the nomadic life for a bit, and "try out" living in different places I feel like I want to live.

I love my family to death, but in the year I lived with them, my life kinda went to shit. They're not the most uplifting bunch, or particularly driven. They're pretty content with living in a small town, whereas I guess I've become kind of a bougie bitch, I like being places where there's shit to do. But moreover, everyone in my family tends to be kind of a hermit, and it's a tendency I have as well, so I feel like we all kind of feed off of each other. I put on a shit ton of weight in the year I lived back home, and I was never an active person to begin with.

But I guess I've just been reflecting -- since I definitely need to move soon (like, I literally need to be moving somewhere come beginning of June) -- and maybe this will sound dumb, but I guess I just don't feel like I've ever really found my "people", or my "place in the world".

Part of me wonders if I ought to just say "fuck it" and make a move someplace drastic, someplace I think I might really want to live. Like no shit, I've wanted to go to Hawaii my entire life, and the folks I've met from the islands, I've just always gotten the impression that "my kind of people" might be closer there?

Or is that just crazy nonsense, and I should just stick to whatever seems most practical, and just worry about taking a "trip" to Hawaii one day?

Does anyone here happen to have any experience as a MANAGER in a professional setting? Like, a real career where you're in charge of teams of people?

I've just started a job where I'm above teams of people I've never worked with, and it's got me really evaluating myself, and what makes a good leader. And realistically, there's no one in my life I can ask for any kind of advice in this kind of role. Nobody I can lean on as a "mentor" or anything.

Like, in my personal life, I tend to be kind of a sarcastic goofball. But when I'm at work, I try to be strictly professional. Friendly, but professional.

Today during a zoom meeting with other people at the company today (nobody working directly under me), I was struggling to find that balance. Most people there were being pretty casual, joking around, and I just felt kind of awkward, not quite sure how to straddle that line of "being a normal person" with "being professional". I'm in a fairly high position, where I really need to instill a sense of confidence, because I know eventually people are going to be relying on me and looking to me for answers, and I don't want people feeling like their boss is an idiot (my friend's wife even commented once that she used to assume I was lazy and kind of an idiot, because I'm so laid-back, but that she's heard I'm a good worker, which I guess surprised her). But also, that I'm not their "friend", that they can't just half-ass their job (and yet still, being understanding when personal things come up).

I've worked for some real assholes in the past, who are all about "power-moves" and all that horseshit. So I don't want to be one of those guys, who's more obsessed with "making sure people know who's in charge". But I have to make sure I don't blur that line. I don't want work relationships to be too familiar, I want people to have confidence that if they have a problem, they can come to me; at the same time, I expect them to work hard, and to come to me if there issues. And I have to be prepared how to hold people accountable if they slip-up, and what's the right balance of being understanding, and when people need more of a nudge?

Or striking that balance between "just doing your job", versus being a truly great boss? Like, striking that balance of making sure their job is professionally fulfilling and they're building new skills as well, or is that just "not my job"?

Hell, are there any particular good books on how to be a truly effectively leader?

@jcorb

You don't actually want to kill yourself, because you don't actually want to be dead. If you did, you would have done so already.

The fact that you are still here means that you still have the idea that things could be better in the future.

That's what you need to get to work on, because if there is to be any chance of that happening, it's up to you to make it happen.

Which means you need to do three things:

1. Put in consistent effort over time.
2. But before that, learn what you need to know to make those efforts in an area that will bear fruit.
3. But before that, get out of your own way.

You cannot get out of poverty if your mind is occupied with telling yourself you deserve to be poor.

What is your evidence that you deserve to be poor? As far as I can tell, it's only the fact that you ARE poor. Are you going to tell me that the universe is just and everyone gets what they deserve?

You gotta think about your life like it's a movie about you. Think of all those movies that start out with the hero waking up a dumpster after a night of binge drinking. He's lost his job, his wife left him, his mom died of cancer, his dog got hit by a car, and he's been evicted from his shitty New York City apartment.

Rock bottom. All these heroic stories start at rock bottom so that the hero has somewhere to go.

We all love a story about a winner, but this is where the story of a winner starts. In the gutter. So we can watch him climb.

I don't know you, so I can't possibly tell you exactly, step by step, what you need to do in YOUR life. But you don't need that. You already know that part.

What you need is the courage to do it.

If you're ashamed of yourself, turn that into determination that you don't want to live one more day like this.