Lost a couple of days of writing, but that's okay i'm picking it back up. Day 7: was quite sick so after work went straight to bed and slept all night. Sleep - V (Not really borne of my own volition, but a V non the less), Exercise - X, Meditation - X

Day 8: Was a good day, managed to do a couple of errands I planned but that took a little more time than planned which caused me to go to sleep late. I started to feel like I was going down-hill Sleep - X, Exercise - V (small), Meditation - V

Day 9: Was a decent day, weekend on the horizon got me to lose focus and I succumbed to mindlessly surfing the web, which also caused me to go to sleep late. Did minimal exercise, and managed to meditate in the morning so that's also a plus.

Sleep - X, Exercise - V (small), Meditation - V

The problem I'm noticing is sleep. While much better than what I used to do, it's still not on par with where I want it to be. Today is late but tomorrow I'll write a detailed plan how I plan to fix this.

Day 6: Good day. Was productive at work, then went to my therapist and had a pretty good session. We talked about how I should write my negative emotions which hold me back (with friends or girls) and then write positive emotions to counter them (i.e. "I don't feel like talking with this guy I know that I saw across the street" > "It would be a nice conversation, even if nothing came out of it afterwards".)

I'm saddend to discover about my self that it's very convenient for me to slip into a solitary life style, which means I'm gonna have to fight my instincts to have a healthy social life. Maybe it's just years upon years of conditioning on my part, you know, self fulfiling prophecy or some shit. Thought maybe it's just me being a huge fag bitch. Either way I'm still human, and going out of my comfort zone sucks major balls, so it's gonna take time.

Anyway after the therapy came home to play some on my drums, started like 2 months ago and i'm addicted, and I think it's a much healthier thing to be addicted to than video games or porn.

Although I was exhausted went out on a run, around 10 minutes straight with some nice music and then 10 mintues walking. Was nice.

Meditated and Had a good session.

Sleep is around 11pm, which isn't in my boundry I set but it's a huge improvement and a step in the right direction. I know I'll be there in no time.

This weekend I want to clean the house a little bit, run some errands, and go for a hike, thought I haven't decided where. Probably will go alone, cause I half don't really know anyone to go with and half want to be with myself.

Today I was an extra "huge fag nerd"™ and looked up some quotes from the bible to help motivate me.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me (Psalms 23:4). -For me the valley is life, scarry and daunting. The evil is a life not lived to the fullest, for a man who didn't give his fullest potential of benevolence to the world, is by definition a source of evil. You is the concept of self-actualization, the incessant drive to reach ever higher peaks. The rod isthe brutal truths of life, beating you when you walk astray from the path. The staff is the desire we have in life, leading us onwards, to the promised land.

No I'm not religious and I don't plan on being. Yes my dick is extremly small and yes it does make it feel bigger. Go fuck yourselves ;)

Exercise - V Meditation - V Sleep - X (Improvement)

Day 4+5*:Technically day 6 because it's already past midnight but nonetheless Yesterday was a very productive day besides the evening, when I was exhausted after the day I succumbed to mindlessly scrolling the internet and ended up sleeping very late into the night. That caused me to waste most of today's day hours, and did almost nothing besides some house chores. Also surfed the internet today and ended up not doing things I was planning to do.

Im frustrated at these setbacks that I always get after a big advancment in life, and I feel like sometimes I can't pick myself up.

But I gotta keep trying as hard as I can, because the alternative is stagnation. And stagnation is hell. Will start to keep a detailed list of goals for each day. V for success, X for failure. Day 4: Sleep - X Exercise - V Meditation - X

Day 5: Sleep - X Exercise - X Meditation - X

Day 3: No good at all. Again on some errands, but could finish earlier. Going to sleep at 23:40 BEFORE meditating. Need to fix this. Also didn't exercise for two days (because I don't want to go to sleep too late after the errands)

ALSO today i used porn. Feels ashamed to write it but weirdly don't feel too strongly about it as it was 3 straight days without nothing, then just something short to alleviate the pressure. Next time will go to 4 days.

To the bigger issues:

1. Fix my sleep by tyding my end day errands. Be at home at 20pm so I can go exercise ASAP and be home by around 21pm and have an hour of downtime before bed (reading and prepating to sleep)
2. Exercising - Having ready-made clothes and bag instead of needing to look for them will help and will allow me to go straight to the gym after work. Also trying to crutch with calisthenics but I want to go back to the gym because that's where the gainz at.
3. Meditating - I already feel my mind starting to clear and focus, but that could also be a joint effect from cleaning my sleep.

Overall, very good direction these 3 days, but need to shake myself on this downturn and get back on the saddle.

Tommorow is still gym day, no alternating until I finish a workout! WILL UPDATE TOMMOROW!