Going through something quite similar and stumbled upon an great comment thread from bodybuilding sub
Don't know you, don't care. I'm pixels on a screen for all that matters.
But hey, guess what.
And so long as you exist, you may improve.
I was you back when I was 19. I weighed 209 lbs at 5'10 and was easily 20%+ bf. Had a face filled with acne and was in university just passing by. My life consisted of video games and hitting the local pub with my enablers where we would eat shitty, drink, laugh, and complain.
I was depressed once.
I'm not going to say anything that can really help you. Again, I'm pixels on a screen.
Only you can help yourself m8. And that's the beauty of it.
You get to chose how far you want to go.
Want to lift some weights? Cool, let's go. Want to pick up a language? Sure, time to learn some verbs. Want to become an astronaut? Fuck it, let's look up the requirements and see if we can yolo.
You gotta do your own thing man. Ain't no juan gonna do it for you. Like Ronnie said,
'Everybody want to be a bodybuilder but ain't nobody want to lift no heavy ass weight.'
And that's the thing. Life is some heavy ass weight.
It's no secret. When I was learning how to talk to broads I got my ass roasted with constant rejection.
Sometimes I'd grab a number and snag a date but she'd flake.
Cutting down on video games sucked. Taking accutane for my acne sucked. Reading books to improve my exposure to shit sucked. Everything sucked. But I did it. I knew that if I did some shit, that at the end I'd be better off than if I hadn't.
That's why the gym is so perfect for guys like us. Because we know if we push through the pain we'll grow.
Literally what we do in the gym.
No one cares about your struggles. No one cares about your dreams. Only you do. And that's okay.
Your mom won't care about your 22 inch biceps and your brother doesn't give a shit about your dreams of playing the guitar for a band. Sure they'll tell you it's a great thing to shoot for the stars but they'll be the first to comfort you when you quit.
It's up to you to quit.
Not them. Mope around if you want, but own up to it.
Don't give me any of this victim mentality bullshit. Oh woe is me? Fuck that shit. I wrote a poem today about that shit actually and it's in thread.
For depression, sleep and lift weights. Get your diet on point. Drink water. If the problem persists, then seek medical attention.
As for your friends, I'll simply comment and tell you that at 19 I had lost touch with all my 'high school friends' and my university friends were still kinda strangers. It's a transition.
No biggie. Go talk to some peeps and invite them out to things. Get them to talk about themselves during conversation and they'll love ya for it. Maintain eye contact and personal hygiene. Smile. Make them laugh. Be aloof and sincere. Pretend you care about their daily shit if you have to.
Bottom line is that problems are meant to be solved, and you can most definitely solve your problems.
I wish you the very best with your future endeavours.
Pixels on a screen.