The internet is full of articles and videos that supposedly teach how to be confident. Most of this shit is useless because confidence is an incredibly complex subject and takes sustained work to develop and maintain. There is no magic formula for confidence, and it can easily be lost. This article is my attempt, but don’t rely on it.

Confidence is a complex mixture of positive thoughts and emotions. Actions create emotions, emotions create thoughts, and emotions and thoughts together create action. The emotions-thoughts-actions axis can either be a virtuous cycle, each improving the others, or it can be a negative cycle, each making the next thing shittier. I seek here to explain how to create a virtuous cycle of confidence.

The first part of this article discusses confidence in general, and the second part discusses confidence in the context of getting laid.

I can summarize the main points of this essay as follows:

1) Confidence is faith that you will succeed at whatever you do. To have faith, you must see reality as governed by rationality and logic, and that all you need to do is use this rationality to achieve your goals. You must not see as reality as “out to get you.”

2) To become confident you must re-wire your brain’s reward pathways such that you feel excited when you see a new challenge, rather than anxious and despairing.

3) To re-wire your brain’s reward pathways you must continually undertake new challenges outside your comfort zone and succeed at them.

4) To power through challenges, you must feel joy.

5) To feel confident, you must not feel controlled by anybody, especially people your mind perceives as “alpha males.”

Confidence is faith

The word confidence comes from the Latin con (with) + fidens (faith) (literally “with faith”). In other words, confidence is faith you will succeed in whatever you try to do. Faith is a belief that something is true even if you don’t have “hard” information confirming its truth. If I knew for a fact that a girl liked me, and I approached her, that’s not confidence. If I approach a girl I already know likes me, I’m no more confident than a guy eating a doughnut because he knows it will taste good.

Obviously, it is easier to have confidence and faith when you have information to base it on. Everyone is confident the sun will rise tomorrow because it has risen every day of their life. But if you only base your confidence on things you are sure of you will live in a narrow comfort zone like most people do. Most people only feel “confident” if they already know they will succeed or if they’ve seen somebody else overcome that challenge. There are doctors who can do brain surgery but are deathly afraid to approach a woman in a bar. There are rock stars who can play a show in front of thousands of people but break a sweat trying to do their taxes.

But why have faith? Why should you believe you will succeed at getting rich, getting laid, and being happy if most people fail at those things and you’ve never succeeded at them?

Here’s why: Just having faith, by itself, makes you more likely to succeed. And the more faith you have, the more likely you are to succeed. If that sounds like the plot of that dumbass book “The Secret,” it is. It’s also the foundation of many religions and philosophies. But there is a rational reason why this is true that doesn’t depend on God or magic.

Faith helps you succeed because the main thing that stops you from achieving your goals is your own emotions. Most shit is a lot easier than you think it is. Getting hot girls to fuck you? Becoming a billionaire? Brain surgery? That stuff is hard, but how hard is it really? For almost anything you want to do, there is a stupid, fat, douchebag somewhere that is awesome at that thing. There are literally millions of people that are dumber and lazier than you that easily do the thing that you think is so hard. Most of the time, the challenge is in your own mind.

A famous entrepreneur once told me that you can learn almost any business in 4 months. Malcolm Gladwell says you can become “world class” in any field if you do it for 10,000 hours, which is only about 4 years of working a full time job – not really that long to become the best in the world. As far as anybody can tell, the world is governed by rational rules that predictably operate based on logic. To succeed at anything, all you need to do is learn these rules and use them to succeed. Viewed this way, the only challenge is our own emotions: we get bored, afraid, distracted, impatient, anxious, intimidated, depressed, overworked, stressed out, sleepy, obsessed with the wrong details, lazy, angry, frustrated, etc… I call these the “despairing emotions.”

You can take any task, break it up into a series of little parts, put one foot in front of the other, and eventually succeed. All you need to do is be rational, be prepared, and put the time and effort in. Everything in the world works like this – there is no “magic.” Even “luck” is very limited compared to what we make happen. Usually when we think something is “too hard” for us, our despair is hijacking our rational brain and making us think thoughts that we believe are “rational” but are really just justifications and expressions of our despair. When a heroin addict makes excuses to start doing heroin again, or when an entrepreneur decides to quit their business because it’s “too hard,” they think they are being influenced by rational thoughts, but really they are just being influenced by despair.

Faith and confidence overcome our weak emotions. We power through challenges because our “motivated” emotions outweigh our despair, or at the very least, our intellectual thoughts manage and control our despairing emotions so that they do not cripple us. Successful people feel excitement and pleasure at doing their work whereas unsuccessful people feel fear, anxiety, dread, boredom, etc… And humans are wired to seek good feelings, so when we feel depressed and anxious we quickly run to “fix” is our shitty feelings – drugs, alcohol, porn, and other distractions.

Every time you encounter a challenge, your brain subconsciously does a complex cost-benefit analysis. You calculate the chance of success and the good feelings that come with it, and weigh that against the chance of failure and the bad feelings that come from failure. If your brain feels like you are more likely to feel bad, your despairing emotions will cripple you and make you not want to do it. Of course, this is bullshit. Your brain usually has no idea what the actual chances of success and failure are, nor does it know how you will actually feel after you succeed or fail, so it’s complex calculation is based on feelings from the past.

Confidence requires rewiring your brain so that when it does the cost-benefit analysis, the “excited” emotions outweigh the despairing emotions. The easiest way to rewire your reward system is to succeed at things, so that, going forward, your brain feels like it will succeed again. But like I said, if you base your confidence on past successes you will never grow. True, ultimate, confidence is when you have faith that you will succeed at ANYTHING you try, even if you’ve never done it and it is something most people would think is insanely difficult.

I’m not selling magic. There are some things you will never accomplish, no matter how confident you are. You can’t build a perpetual motion machine because it is probably impossible under the rules of physics. Most of you will never fuck Kate Upton, no matter how much you think you can. There is nothing wrong with thinking that something is impossible, or not worth the effort, or not the right thing for you at that time, but you must make that determination based on a rational calculation rather than your feelings. Most of what we think is impossible is actually very doable, we have just been tricked by our despair.

Sometimes we just do not have enough information to make a rational calculation, and we must leap into the darkness. My dad had a theory that stupid people were often more successful than smart people, because smart people did intelligent cost-benefit calculations whenever they decided to take a life risk, whereas stupid people just jumped ahead and took the risk. When we leap into the darkness we must have faith that we will succeed. We also need faith that if we fail we will be fine and that failure helps us because it lightens the darkness and gives us guidance for the next try. We also need a plan to land on our feet if we fail.

The rest of this article is dedicated to trying to teach you how to rewire your brain to feel excited about new challenges rather than scared. You can try to grit your teeth and fight your emotions 24/7, but you should also work to transform your emotions.

Faith and reality

Your goal is to re-wire your reward system so that you feel excited tackling any new challenge, even if it is outside your comfort zone. You need faith because you have no way of knowing for sure that you will succeed at any new challenge and without faith you will be crippled with uncertainty, anxiety and existential despair.

Faith is tied to your view of reality. Philosophers and psychologists have long understood that people have a tendency to subconsciously feel like reality has intentions like a person. People will feel like the world is out to get them, a small group of elders control everything, life hates them, they have “bad luck,” or they have “demons”, etc… It’s obviously stupid to say “I think reality has thoughts and feelings and hates me,” but that’s how a lot of people subconsciously think. I call this the “anthromorphization fallacy.”

I believe this fallacy comes from our ape mind. Apes evolved to obey the alpha male, because it is better for the tribe to have one leader rather than everybody doing their own thing. To enforce this obedience, evolution produced anxiety, which we feel whenever we feel like we are disobeying or upsetting the alpha male. Anxiety and depression are designed to “keep us in line” and make us feel powerless, paralyzed and weak whenever we want to do something that might offend the alpha male.

Human are apes with rational brains that magnify and distort our ape feelings. We can subconsciously see the entire “world” as an alpha male, and feel a generalized anxiety about everything. This is why some people are negative about everything, scared of simple tasks like driving, randomly freak out at small things, and just generally have dark thoughts.

Religion tries to fight the anthromorphization fallacy by pretending like “reality” is governed by God, which is essentially an alpha male that controls everything in reality and will be “nice” to you if you do some easy, meaningless rituals. I believe in God and I think it helps my anxiety. If you don’t want to believe in God, that’s fine, but at the very least you have to stop yourself from thinking that reality has a mind and it wants you to fail. At most, you can rationally say that, aside from ascertainable laws (the law of gravity, E=mc2, etc…), reality is basically random and chaotic and is neutral towards you. And if you are currently alive and breathing, you have to admit that reality has been at least somewhat good to you.

Once you accept that reality is not your enemy, and may even be your friend, you can have faith that you will succeed at anything. Your despairing emotions will try to trick you into thinking you will fail, but they are irrational, often caused by the fear of some mental alpha male that may not even exist. How would your weak, human brain know anything about the nature of reality anyway? Many people, including myself, have realized the falsity of our despairing emotions after using psychedelic drugs, which chemically turn off our despairing emotions and make us feel like the universe loves us.

I’m not saying that you can simply turn off your despairing emotions by simply believing that reality is your friend. You can’t turn off any emotion that is rooted in your biology, any more than you can turn off your sex drive. But the first step in controlling a demon is realizing that it’s there and that’s it a demon. If you practice mindfulness, you will catch yourself being lied to by your despairing emotions and you will realize your thoughts are irrational.

I don’t want to overstate my case here. A subconscious cosmic alpha male is not the only source of despair. A lot of things can create anxiety and depression, and science has not even completely figured out those emotions. Anxiety can be caused by chemical balances, living in a dirty house, post-traumatic stress, bad life experiences, etc... But I believe that fear of alpha males, real and imagined, is a big source of despair for many people.

Real alpha males

People have a subconscious fear of the cosmic alpha male that controls the world partly because actual alpha males bullied them, made them feel inferior, and induced subconscious “beta” emotions. These guys include your father, your teachers, your coach, your pastor, the cool kids at your high school, the President of the United States, the Federal Reserve bank, the media, society, Brad Pitt, and famous celebrities whose art and persona is designed to make regular guys feel inferior. These are just regular guys trying to make it through life just like you, but their ego, selfishness, stupidity, negligence, and bad judgment has scarred your self-esteem.

These guys aren’t necessarily alpha males, but they felt like it to you, at least when they affected you. Their combined efforts have congealed in your brain to give you a fear of alpha males and reality in general. Women may have also made you feel emasculated, not because they wanted to emasculate you but because they were “testing” you to see if you were worthy of their delicious pussy.

All men fear some alpha male. The head of the Crips gang in Los Angeles is the “alpha male” of the thug/gangster world, but he subconsciously sees a nerdy banker as the alpha male because the nerdy banker makes much more money and lives a better life than him, and the Crip leader is too scared to go to school and try to compete with the nerdy banker. The nerdy banker, in turn, sees another group of men as alpha to him, etc…

A key to becoming confident is releasing yourself from the control that both real and imagined alpha males have over you. To do this, you must not give a single fuck what anybody thinks about you. Your actions should be governed by truth and a rational analysis of what is best for you, not your need to feel validated and accepted. The moment you care what others think of you, you constrain your behavior to gain their approval and feel despair when they deny it. And when you constrain your behavior, you show to yourself, them and the world that you can be perturbed and thrown off of your mission. And if you can be thrown off of your mission, then you no longer have the ability to succeed at anything.

Many men link confidence to their tangible existence. A lot of guys say to me: “I’m not confident because I’m fat, or I don’t have enough money, or I’m awkward, etc…” That’s the wrong way to look at it. Your confidence should not be based on any tangible thing you have, but rather your inability to be controlled, because a man who cannot be controlled and can also obtain anything. If a woman said to you that she only feels confident when she’s wearing make-up, you wouldn’t think that that woman was confident: you would think that she is deeply insecure. A truly confident woman would be confident even if she was in a disfiguring accident that made her face look like ground beef.

True confidence is the intellectual belief and the emotional feeling that you are awesome just because you are you, and that you will succeed because you don’t care what anybody thinks, you can’t be controlled, and will not fall victim to despair. Confidence has its own intrinsic value: I feel confident because I know I am confident. I know I am confident because I don’t care what other people think, and therefore nobody can perturb me from my mission, and if nobody can perturb me from my mission, I am guaranteed to succeed.

Happiness

Happiness is both a result and cause of confidence.

As I said earlier, humans are wired to seek good feelings, so if you are unhappy your brain will get distracted and chase sources of cheap happiness (TV, women, drugs, trashy internet, etc...). Your goal is to get your “happiness” from accomplishing your goals and defeating challenges, rather than cheap happiness. If you face every challenge with joy, you will be more motivated.

You may be a fundamentally unhappy person. Maybe you’re depressed, or anxious, or have had a hard life. But there must have been at least one time in your life when you felt joy. If you can induce that feeling in yourself when you are pursuing your goals, or at least fake it, you will do better. One of my favorite quotes is from a rabbi who said that “how can I feel joy when my house has burnt down? I feel sad for a little, and then when I start rebuilding it, I feel joy with every brick I lay.”

The upshot of this is that you should always be having fun. No matter how hard your life is, or what bad thing just happened to you, you need to have a social schedule where you are going out, doing things that make you feel good, fucking girls, hanging out with friends, etc... Obviously, you shouldn’t let your fun times take over your life or do anything self-destructive, but I disagree with the idea that success requires sustained misery. Being happy also requires eating well, getting enough sleep, and eliminating sources of negativity and distraction from your life. If you have a friend who consistently makes you feel like shit, or a woman who brings you more pain than happiness, cut them out. They are bad for you.

Happiness is a result of confidence because confident people are more successful, and your confidence proves to you that you can succeed at anything.

Getting rid of your fear of the alpha male also makes you happy because you no longer need to rely on anybody else for happiness. Human beings are actually very simple beings. All we need is a little bit of food, decent shelter, one vagina to put your dick in (you should reject the societal notion that you can’t be happy unless you fuck lots of girls), and love. All of our other fake desires are rooted in our need for the love of others. We mostly desire “luxury” things like nice cars, mansions or designer clothes because we think it will cause other people to love us and care about us. A truly confident man knows that he will be loved no matter what he has or who he is, because his value comes from being imperturbable and a model for others. And if people want to deny him love based on his material circumstances, then that’s their problem, not his.

I’m not saying that nice cars, mansions and nice clothes are bad things. I enjoy all those things. I’m also not saying that women don’t care about tangibles. Women definitely do care about how you look, how you dress, how much money you have, etc... There are some women that will just never fuck a short, bald poor guy no matter how much “game” he has. But your own confidence and self-esteem should not depend on your tangibles. You should live your most awesome life. If girls like you, great. If not, no problem.

Can you really not care what people think?

It’s impossible to truly not care what anybody thinks of you. Human beings are social animals, and we evolved to form emotional connections with other people and to care what they think of us. We need sex, affection and human contact. The only way to truly not care about the opinions of others is to either be a psychopath or a hermit that lives in the woods.

I’m not saying that you should cut off contact from all other humans. I’m saying you should engage in mutually beneficial relationships with people, where you exchange the things humans need to exchange (love, friendship, affection, fun times, etc…), WITHOUT LETTING THEM CONTROL YOU and without becoming submissive.

To prevent people from controlling you, or abusing your, or manipulating you, or taking advantage of you, you must have a strong set of boundaries. Boundaries are “rules” for yourself that you will not allow others to break. A confident man is confident his rules are morally correct and makes others bend to his moral guidelines, not vice versa. If you have faith in your principles and stand by them, you cannot be manipulated by women or by society into acting against your own interests, doing the wrong thing, or chasing stupid trophies like nice cars and shit.

I'm not here to push a certain type of morality on you, and I think many set of rules can be "correct" depending on your situatiion, the people you are dealing with, and your personal preferences. What's important is not having this or that set of rules, but generally having unbreakable principles. You should constantly reevaluate your rules and changing them if they are "wrong" and/or not conducive to the type of life you want to live. You should also be open to reasonable arguments by third parties that your rules may be wrong.

The good life

An important part of being confident is having a clear vision of what you consider to be the good life. Nobody can control you if you are happily pursuing the good life. This vision is a set of priorities and beliefs about the world that guide what you seek and care about. For example, if a hot girl tries to pressure me to do cocaine I say no because cocaine contradicts my vision of the good life because of its harmful effects. This sounds like third grade health education, but it is amazing that many adults can be peer pressured simply because they don’t have their own vision of the good life. I know rich, successful adult men that have become cokeheads because the beautiful women they were pressured by hot girls to do it. It’s absolutely fucking incredible that a millionaire Silicon Valley CEO can be peer pressured by a bartender into doing cocaine but it happens all the fucking time. And because that guy had no vision of the good life, he is now addicted and does cocaine even when those girls are not around.

Your boundaries and your vision of the good life are connected. I set boundaries because I am pursuing a certain life, and if you get in the way, you are dismissed. For example, my vision of the good life involves waking up early to work out and work on my businesses. Many people (usually trashy girls not doing anything useful with their lives) don’t understand that vision and try to pressure me into staying out late. No matter how beautiful they are or how close I am to getting pussy, I say no and go home. No matter how hot she is and how much I think I can’t find anybody else like her that will respect my rules, I keep the faith.

Your vision of the good life should have a place for all of your pleasures and pursuits. I like fucking hot girls, but I also like getting enough sleep, eating well, going to fun concerts, being around positive people, succeeding at my business, talking about deep, intellectual things I am interested in, etc…

Understanding the good life also makes you feel better about your shortcomings. Women are part of the good life, but you don’t need to fuck the hottest girl and you definitely don’t need to “get” every girl you like. If you think that happiness requires you to be 6’0 or drive a Ferrari or bang X girls a year, you lose your confidence if you don’t have those things. If your vision of the good life is simpler, however, you can’t be shamed and guilted if you don’t have those things.

Why are women attracted to confidence?

First of all, everyone is attracted to confidence. Nobody wants to be around an insecure, sad, moping sack of shit. And nobody likes to be around somebody that is easily controlled. Humans are wired to reach for something higher than us, not somebody beneath us that doesn’t challenge us or help us grow. That said, women have a special desire for a confident man. Why?

Because women have babies and are physically weaker than men, women evolved to seek a strong, powerful man who can make a credible commitment to protect her and her baby until the baby reaches a certain age. A protector’s commitment is only credible if he cannot be thrown off of his mission, whatever that mission is. If a protector becomes emotional, dishonest, distracted, or submissive, he can no longer be trusted to protect. In other words, if a protector can be controlled by others or crippled by despair, his commitment is not credible and the woman is vulnerable.

It does not matter how confident you actually are, but whether you can display that confidence to a woman. Confidence is performative. A woman wants to see you confidently pursue a mission and not be perturbed and more importantly, not show despair. Women can subconsciously sense despair in a man. She wants to see you be a brick wall. Women also subconsciously know that the thing that is most likely to perturb a man is a woman, so she will purposely try to perturb you to see how you react. If you even flinch, she will question your emotional credibility. This is what we call a “shit test.”

A big problem is that men meet women in social situations where they are drinking and having fun, so women do not see men confidently pursue their mission. For most men, when they go out, women are their mission. But fixating on women subconsciously causes you to be controlled by women, reducing your attractiveness. This is why DJs and bartenders are more attractive to women – they are actually doing something rather than just drooling over them.

Your place in the tribe

On a subconscious level, women want a guy who does not appear to be controlled by the tribe. This is part of the reason women like “bad boys” – a “bad boy” tingles the same receptors that an alpha male tingles because the bad boy does not conform to anybody’s rules and does not “feel” like he is “controlled” by any other male. This is irrational, of course – most “bad boys” are losers and the opposite of an actual alpha male. But we are talking about emotions here, not rationality. The alpha male does what he wants, and he doesn’t rely on anybody else for anything, either physical or emotional. He is the only one that cannot be controlled. Sure, the alpha male does have the most tangible things (food and resources) but the alpha male isn’t thinking about that.

The true alpha male is not the biggest, loudest, meanest, toughest guy: it’s the guy who literally does not give a single fuck and cannot be controlled. It’s the guy who walks in a party with a ridiculous ugly neon green floppy hat. It’s the guy who tells an embarrassing story about himself that most people would be too afraid to tell. It’s the guy who does something that’s a little off, not because he’s weird or has problems, but because he just lives in his own reality. The alpha male is totally relaxed, calm, confident in what he’s doing, and is never, ever, perturbed by anything anybody does, especially women.

If you walk into a bar or nightclub, you see a bizarre scene. Otherwise confident, successful, manly men are selling their souls. They are begging beautiful women to buy them drinks, listening intently to their stupid stories and agreeing with their stupid opinions, begging for their attention, waiting for them as they talk to other men, etc… These men instantly lose credibility to women because they are begging to be accepted and are easily controlled. In other words, these men are experiencing the same emotional anguish that the women experience, which turns women off. Women want to escape their emotional anguish, not be with a guy that is also experiencing it.

I wrote an article about how women are not attracted to men that are overly emotionally invested in them. See here: https://www.woujo.com/blog/2017/4/11/how-to-not-become-emotionally-invested-in-women. A major reason emotionally invested people are unattractive is because they are “dependent” on another person for their good feelings, therefore making them controlled. And women are fundamentally not attracted to men who can be controlled.

Bitchy women

A lot of guys’ confidence melts around bitchy women. I, however, love bitches.

A woman is bitchy for one of two reasons: 1) she has suffered some trauma in her life that has damaged her, or 2) she regularly turns men into weak puddles, so she turns up the bitchiness to make sure she can find a mate whose confidence is rock solid. For women that are #1, you should just run. You are not her therapist and cannot help them. But women that are #2 are a fun challenge. Whenever a woman is a bitch to me, I know I am on my road to fucking her and all I need to do is keep my cool and not be perturbed.

Bitchiness is just a front to hide their intense insecurity and anxiety. Confident, happy, well-adjusted people act polite and friendly, even if they are being hit on by somebody they don’t think is attractive. All hostility and negativity is rooted in fear, defensiveness, and your own perceived vulnerability. Women are crippled with insecurity and anxiety about how men, women and society in general feel about them and have an intense desire to be accepted.

Next time you go to a club, put your horniness aside and just focus on the body language of these bitchy women. They are afraid. They are insecure. They are awkward. They are dorks. They are easily controlled, if they could just find somebody with the balls to try to control them. Even when they try to talk tough or cool, it’s a bluff. A hot woman acting like a bitch is similar to a 16 year old nerd with a pocket protector and acne talking shit to a prison convict. He knows he is faking it, and the moment the prison convict calls his bluff he will back down in fear and humiliation.

Not all women are bitches. I know some confident women, but these women are confident because they have other things going for them. They are smart, they have accomplished things, they are fun to hang out with, etc… But whenever a woman tries to act like she’s the shit just because she’s hot, she is faking it every single time.

How to act around women

Let’s do some logic. Women are attracted to confidence. Confidence is faith that you will succeed. Therefore, women are attracted to men who have faith they will succeed in fucking them. In other words, women want a guy to act like he already knows she will fuck him. Of course, you don’t actually know whether she will fuck you. But nevertheless, you must act as if you KNOW she will fuck you. You must bluff as if you know she will say yes. And even if you get rejected, you must move on to the next girl with the same confidence.

Now the question becomes: if you truly knew from the bottom of your heart you could fuck a girl, how would you act? You wouldn’t supplicate, or beg, or act needy, or even do anything really. If you KNEW you could fuck a girl, you would do nothing. Of course, you should talk to her and be nice so that you don’t make her feel bad, and you would engage with her to the extent that she says or does anything interesting or funny. But the moment she does something negative, shitty, or boring, you immediately lose interest because you don’t need to put up with her bullshit.

Unlike a lot of other PUA blogs, I am not going to feed you a bunch of lines of what a confident guy “would” say. The fact is, confidence is an emotional state, and you either have it or you don’t. And girls can sense it because it is very hard to fake your emotions, especially if you are hanging out with a girl for a long time.

Humility

Releasing yourself from the mental slavery of the alpha male sounds great, but it is actually very dangerous. Most people in our society can only function if they are being guided by a superior: society, your dad, the government, your boss, etc... They need the anxiety induced by the alpha male to stay focused and not go off and get drunk and play video games. But if you want to be a truly confident, self-actualized man, you need to be able to motivate yourself when there is no alpha male swinging an axe over your head.

Not only must you be your own alpha male, but you must cultivate a positive humility, where you listen to men that are smarter and more powerful than you, not because of your irrational ape emotions, but because they are smarter than you and they are helping you improve. If you look at history, a lot of times when men get a ton of power they go crazy (see kings, dictators, rock stars, Mike Tyson, etc...) because they don’t have the anxiety of the alpha male controlling them but they also don’t have the humility to stay focused and keep their head on straight.

I hate it when people try to oversimplify pick-up, but if I had to boil down pick up into one principle every man should understand, it is this: The woman must be more emotionally invested in you than you are in her at every stage of the relationship. I call this the IRON LAW OF SEDUCTION.

Understanding and correctly applying this law will solve 99% of the problems men have with women. She’s not responsive to your advances? Not emotionally invested enough. Not returning your calls? Not emotionally invested enough. Flaking? Not emotionally invested enough. On the flipside, as a man, if you emotionally divest yourself from girls, you solve most your own problems. Outcome dependent? You are too emotionally invested in getting laid. Approach anxiety? You are too emotionally invested in the success of the interaction. Neediness and desperation? You are emotionally invested in getting girls. Suck at conversations? You are too emotionally invested in getting laid and can’t just have a regular conversation.

Emotional investment is subconsciously communicated and women evolved to sense it. One guy can talk to a girl all night without her feeling like he is emotionally invested, but another can talk to her for 2 seconds and get auto-rejected for being too invested. Of course, a woman may talk to you, hang out with you, fuck you, or even date you for a long time if she’s not emotionally invested because she’s horny, crazy, lonely, desperate, drunk, bored, want something from you, etc.... But if she’s not emotionally invested, you are on thin ice and vulnerable at any time to flaking or going cold.

What is emotional investment?

Emotional investment is occupying one’s thoughts and emotions. It is not the same as being interested or “liking” somebody. I “like” a lot of people but I don’t “feel” anything for them and it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if they rejected me or even died. This distinction is why women flake. Women “like,” get “interested,” and give their numbers to lots of guys, but if she is not at least a little emotionally invested she will not be motivated to get out of bed, put on her make-up, and come somewhere to meet you. Unlike men, women get invited to shit all the time by guys they “like” so they are not going to care about meeting you unless there is some emotional investment.

Think about emotional investment like this: like most men, you probably like Lamborghinis. But like most men, you probably don’t have one, and you probably don’t spend all day thinking about Lamborghinis and being sad because you don’t have one. But if I lent you a Lamborghini for two months and you drove it around, took care of it, showed it off to your friends, and got laid because of it, you would be sad when I take it back. It’s irrational, but you would get emotionally invested in the Lambo even if you weren’t sad when you never had one. Because you became attached to it and it gave you a sense of identity and power, the Lambo took up space in your thoughts and emotions, making you emotionally invested.

Emotional investment in people is similar. Being around somebody awesome and feeling like they “belong” to you becomes addictive like crack. An awesome man makes a woman feel special, loved, important, powerful, and cool. An awesome man is also fun, positive, confident, carefree, and dominant, easing the woman’s anxieties and insecurities. Being around an awesome guy is literally like a drug to women, and if they are around you long enough, they become hooked.

The Ben Franklin Theory

Ben Franklin, one of America’s founding fathers and greatest poonhounds, famously and counterintuitively discovered that if person A does something for person B, person A will like person B more. Most people would assume the opposite – if you want people to like you, you should do things for them, so person B should like person B more! Right? Wrong!

Person A “likes” person B more because person A has become emotionally invested. Maybe person A subconsciously expects person B to do something nice back. Maybe person A subconsciously see themselves as “beneath” person B in the ape hierarchy. Maybe person A is protecting their own ego – person B must be somebody special if even I did something for them! Or maybe the simple act of doing something for person B caused person B to enter person A’s thoughts and emotions.

Whatever the psychological mechanism, when a woman really likes you, she will WANT to do stuff for you, sometimes even aggressively, and she will WANT to emotionally invest while you fantasize about other things. When a woman really likes you is when you realize that needy, supplicating, validating behavior is not necessary. I have friends that are strippers, and their job is basically to hustle men out of money and to trick guys into buying shit for them. I don’t buy girls things, ever, (and I never, ever visit my friends at work) and I notice that when these strippers start to like me they buy me shit, clean my house, do me favors, etc... One night I even got into an argument with a stripper because she bought me 5 drinks in a row and she wouldn’t let me buy her a drink in return. That’s emotional investment.

The Woujo Theory

According to my corollary of the Franklin theory, supplicating to a woman, validating yourself to a woman, buying a woman things, following a woman around, allowing a woman to treat you like shit, and spending too much time trying to “help” a woman who doesn’t deserve it subconsciously will cause you to become emotionally invested in her and feel “beneath” her.

Sometimes guys will do loserish things, like let a girl treat them badly or repeatedly pursue a girl who doesn’t care about them, and justify it by saying “I don’t really care about her, I just want to fuck.” This is a bad idea, because even though you consciously think you “don’t give a fuck,” by pursuing her, you become emotionally invested, and by allowing her treat you like shit, you subconsciously re-wire your brain to feel like a beta male. Even if you didn't give a fuck before, now you do.

You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do. Where your actions go, your feelings will follow, and where feelings go, your thoughts will follow. If you do loser things, you will eventually feel like a loser, even if you consciously tell yourself you “don’t give a fuck.” If a hot girl tries to strike a Faustian bargain with you and let you fuck her in return for treating you like shit, you must reject that deal out of respect for your own mental health.

Your brain works by making connections, and when you focus your thoughts and emotions on something, your brain starts connecting that thing to other things in your brain, and that thing becomes “enmeshed” in your wiring, creating a deeper web that is hard to untangle. For example, if you date a really hot girl, your brain will start to associate her with sexual pleasure, or ego, or fun times, and other things you like, so when she dumps you, you will think of her constantly.

The definition of “not giving a fuck” is only keeping positive thoughts and emotions in your head, and cutting out people, places, activities, thoughts, media, etc... that are negative. “Not giving a fuck” is not about being cold, aloof, an asshole, or stupid, but by filing your thoughts and emotions only with positive things that deserve to be there.

Why is emotional investment unattractive?

Emotional investment is an immediate turn-off. It doesn’t matter why, but I can guess some reasons.

First, emotional investment is unattractive because people are attracted to lives that are more interesting, exciting, higher, and better than our own. We just assume that somebody living a better life than us is going to be thinking and feeling about their awesome life, not us. If a woman knows she occupies your thoughts and emotions, she will assume your life sucks. She wants to fixate her thoughts and emotions on something higher, but if your thoughts and emotions are fixated on her, she’s back where she started.

For example, a girl that plays soccer will be attracted to guys that are better at soccer than her because they will appeal to the part of her thoughts and emotions that are invested in soccer. I'm not saying she will never become emotionally invested in a guy who is worse at soccer than she is - she may invest in a guy for other reasons - but the guy is playing with a disadvantage.

Second, emotional investment is unattractive because, simply put, emotions are bad and scary. Our society acts like “love” is an emotion and “our true selves” are our emotions, but that’s bullshit. Our value lies in what we can do when we are rational, what we’ve learned in our life, what we know how to do, and what we strive to achieve and be when we are clear-headed. Emotions are temporary and fleeting; but true love is a rational, credible commitment to your beloved’s well-being. In his dialogue the Phaedrus, the Greek philosopher Plato said that emotional love is a kind of madness – when things are going well, you are irrationally nice to the person out of proportion to what they deserve. When things are going badly, you are irrationally nasty to the person out of proportion to what they deserve. Women know that when you are irrationally nice to them you will eventually be irrationally shitty.

Most of our emotions are selfish, irrational, unrealistic, uncontrollable, and oftentimes downright evil. Emotions are fundamentally needy: they always want something, even if the “want” is to help somebody. If you see a beautiful woman and think “I like her, and I want to make her happy and do nice things for her,” you’re lying to yourself. You want things FROM her. You want to fuck her, use her for an ego boost, have your friends see you with her, and make yourself feel better for being a “good person.” You don’t want to see her run off and be happy with another guy, you want her to be unhappy with you. When you show emotion women subconsciously know you want something and that puts pressure on them, and they run away. Women sometimes will hang out with guys they don’t like or aren’t attracted to in any way, just because those guys are not emotionally invested and are not putting any pressure on them.

When you become extremely emotional, you fantasize about getting your beloved back or hurting them for the wrongs they did to you, you stalk them, you act weird, you feel depressed, you can’t function, etc… Love songs glorify these feelings, but these are not healthy feelings. They are signs of weakness. Women have these feelings things too (oftentimes much more deeply than men), and they know it’s a scary pit to be in, so if they sense for even a second that a man is feeling these things (or is even just slightly beginning to feel these things), they run away immediately. Women want an emotional rock. They want the lifeguard on the edge of the pool pulling them out, not somebody drowning with them.

Women also take longer to get emotionally invested in men than men take to get emotionally invested in women. Men evolved to seek “fertile” women (big ass, big tits, healthy face) to impregnate as soon as possible. Women, on the other hand, evolved to find the strongest man in the tribe that could protect her and her baby, so they seek a larger group of traits, many of which are long-term traits (confidence, dominance, emotional stability, intelligence, etc…). It takes a woman time to figure out if a guy has these traits but a man can immediately be attracted to a hot girl. In every man-woman relationship there is a period of time where the man is emotionally invested, but the woman is still “rational” and feeling the guy out. Many men fuck it up here – they start acting creepy, or weird, overly nice, overly fixated, and the woman, who feels nothing, thinks the guy isweird or worse.

Of course, emotions are a part of life and can be beautiful if channeled correctly. But you shouldn’t show your emotions to a woman until she has also developed those emotions.

Third, emotional investment makes you stupid and saps you of your vitality and awesomeness. Tons interesting, smart, funny, cool, successful guys become vacant shells of their normal selves around women, partly because their thoughts and emotions are empty of everything that makes them awesome. If you are deep in a game of chess and I try to have a conversation with you about quantum physics you will sound stupid because your thoughts and emotions are full of chess. Seduction requires intelligence and creativity, but if your thoughts and emotions are just “durr, she’s a pretty woman” you’re going to fail. Because women are “rational” longer than men, they want to have rational, intelligent conversations about interesting shit.

Another reason is power. It’s a sad fact of life, but humans are wired to look at relationships in power terms. We subconsciously rank everybody in a particular social situation from least to most powerful. Women are much more aware of the power dynamic because they are generally less powerful than men. And unfortunately, we subconsciously see emotional people as lower in the power hierarchy. The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, correctly in my opinion, that individuals higher in the social hierarchy do not feel emotions for people lower than them. The lower ranked apes evolved to obey and be obsessed with the alpha male because they need his protection and resources, but the alpha male feels nothing for the lower ranked apes because he does not need them for anything.

Most importantly, women are not attracted to emotionally invested men because women are attracted to RESILIENCE. Resilience here means “the ability to confidently pursue your goals and not let anything or anybody perturb you.”

Women are attracted to resilience because they naturally want a protector, and a protector’s commitment is only credible if he cannot be thrown off of his mission, whatever that mission is. If a protector becomes emotional, dishonest, distracted, or submissive, he can no longer be trusted to protect. We subconsciously see emotional people as weak because they can be easily controlled. If a guy is emotional about a girl, he is likely to agree with whatever she says, let her get away with bad behavior, etc…

If a protector wavers for even a second, the woman becomes anxious and fearful, but a confident man with boundaries is not scared and cannot be thrown off of his mission. You must be a brick wall that cannot be moved or affected: if you approach her or escalate with her, it is purely based on your own desire, not her cajoling. At every moment you should think to yourself “am I doing this because I want to or because I am trying to impress her”? Sometimes you need to monitor her emotional investment on a moment-by-moment basis.

Subconscious communication

Women can quickly sense by your body language, words, demeanor, tone of voice and actions whether you are emotionally invested. Neither you nor her may consciously know you’re invested, but you will just “feel” unattractive to her. Sometimes very subtle changes in behavior (staring too long, asking a question that is too intrusive too early) can tip off that you are too invested.

I use the “gravity theory” to gauge emotional investment. In social settings, high-value people are “bigger” and therefore “draw” lower-value people to them. If you look at any party, you will see hot girls usually in the center, relaxing and having fun, and guys literally surrounding them like planets around the sun. There is a reason these guys are called “orbiters.” If the girl gets up to leave, the guys may play it cool for a while, but they then get up to follow her. Your ultimate goal is to become the center of gravity so women are drawn to you, not vice versa, which is hard, because as a man you must approach. But even if you approach your demeanor and body language can exude the message of “I am the center of gravity, and I create a rip in space-time that compels you to come to me.”

The subconscious subtext of an interaction is 99%. For example, the sentence “can I buy you a drink” can have a wide range of subconscious meanings depending on the tone, body language, context and emotion I deliver them in. “Can I buy you a drink” can mean “I want to fuck you,” “I feel like I owe you something and I want to pay you back,” “I’m a generous guy and I like to just people free things,” “you’re a good friend, and I want to show my appreciation,” “I’m a loser and I want to make you like me by buying you things,” etc… What matters is not your superficial words, but your subconscious context.

Because seduction is mostly subconscious, I can’t teach you every detail of the walk, speaking style, body language, demeanor, etc… of a guy who is not emotionally invested. Even if I did, it’s too much for you to remember and process. I even doubted the efficacy of writing this article because it’s incredibly hard to “fake” an emotional state for a long period of time and most people will go back to behaving like what they feel they are.

The paradox of escalation

So far it sounds like the right solution to get girls would be to just ignore them completely. You won’t look emotionally invested, right? Unfortunately, that doesn’t work. It is the man’s responsibility to approach and escalate because women do not get emotionally invested quickly and are afraid of rejection.

To get a girl attracted to you, you must show at least some initial interest and escalate, luring her into becoming emotionally invested in you. Magicians use a technique called “forcing,” where they trick the person into thinking they are picking a random card out of the deck when the person is really picking the card the magician wanted them to pick. Seduction is similar: she should feel like she is picking you, not vice-versa. You are just opening the door to her.

The challenge of seduction

Seducing a woman while you appear not emotionally invested is incredibly challenging. First, women’s aversion to emotional investment is mostly subconscious – consciously, women want the guy to show at least some interest. And it’s naturally hard to hang around a woman you like for a long period of time and not become invested to at least some degree. Beautiful women create a reality distortion field where men lose all concept of rationality, truth, normal standards of right and wrong, etc… You can say “you’re overthinking this, just be yourself,”, but women touch men’s strongest emotion, so many men literally forget how be themselves. When a beautiful woman walks into a nightclub a swarm of otherwise successful, rational, manly men immediately lose their fucking minds. They start begging for her approval, trying to buy her things, acting stupid, etc…

And like I said earlier, men emotionally invest quicker than women, so we must be patient because our emotions push us to jump the gun and get right into lovey-dovey mode. And in non-romantic contexts, people become emotionally invested at the same rate, so you are used to the other person feeling the same as you if the interaction is going well. And when we feel emotionally invested in somebody, we naturally are going to want to elicit a positive emotional response. But trying to make a woman happy that is not emotionally invested comes off as validation-seeking, supplicating, bitch behavior. You must instead do what is RIGHT. A woman may seem cold, and we may think we can “warm her up” by being “nice” to her, but we should really just pursue our mission and have faith that she will emotionally invest even though she appears on the surface to not be attracted or care about you. Remember: women are constantly sizing you up, so even if they don’t look like they are attracted or paying attention, they are.

Seduction is a gamble because you must have faith that eventually the woman will start to emotionally invest, knowing she might not. Sometimes she just won’t like you. Sometimes she just wants attention. Sometimes she is in love with you but won’t let it on. Some women are damaged and never emotionally invest in anybody – they see all men as objects to be used. This is why you must assume attraction – because you DON’T KNOW.

How to not be emotionally invested

If you take away one thing from this article, it is this: a woman who is not yet invested in you must not occupy a big part of your thoughts and emotions. You must have your mind and heart on other things when interacting with women. Period. If she hasn’t made room for you in her head and heart yet, you shouldn’t make space for her in your head and heart. If you make this change right now, I promise your results will instantly improve. Women are the dessert to a good life, not the main course, and that’s how women should feel when you are talking to them. WOMEN WANT TO BE DESSERT.

Here are my main steps to not becoming emotionally invested:

1) Realize you don’t need to emotionally invest

2) Have an interesting and awesome life that occupies your thoughts and emotions.

3) Have “abundance mentality” with respect to women.

4) Have boundaries and be unperturbable.

5) Focus on your own fun first.

Realize you don’t need to emotionally invest

This may be the most important step. I think a lot of guys emotionally invest in girls because society and pop culture subconsciously make us think that for a man to get a girl, he must supplicate to her and emotionally invest in her. In the movies, the confident, successful guy living his own life never gets the girl; instead the winner is the beta loser who falls in love with her from afar, and then spends the rest of the movie trying to “get” her, enduring multiple rejections and humiliations. These movies also teach that women are delicate flowers that need constant coddling and lovey dovey bullshit. That’s not how it works in the real world.

Men also misunderstand women’s aversion to rejection. Women have a strong need to be “accepted” (as all betas do) and therefore are much more sensitive to rejection than men. The phrase “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” is true. Dread game and “ignoring” women only works if she is ignoring you first. But if you outright reject her, or if she makes a move on you, or asks for acceptance, and you say “no” or she feels like you are ignoring her there is a strong chance she will emotionally “un-invest.” Because women have this strong need for constant acceptance and validation, men mistakenly think they must emotionally invest. But all you really need to do is not reject her or make her feel excluded. It’s a thin line between keeping a woman “accepted” and emotionally investing in her.

To win this game, you should only do something for a woman if the woman would do it for you. If you want to buy her a drink, think about whether she would buy you a drink. If she wouldn’t, don’t. If she wants you to wait for her, think about whether she would wait for you. If she wouldn’t, don’t. If there is a girl you always say hi to, but she never says hi to you, stop saying hi to her. She knows who you are, she can say hi to you. It’s ok to “win” in relationships.

Again, this is easier said than done. Society and your emotions team up to make you feel like you need to follow girls around, wait for them, put up with their bullshit, buy them drinks, etc… You must fight your feelingss and social training and have faith that if you stay the course women will become attracted. This requires the ability to say “no” to a woman (saying “no” is different than rejecting her) and the ability to walk away from her, even permanently.

Have an interesting and awesome life that occupies your thoughts and emotions

Humans are wired to seek good feelings. If the main part of our life is not making us happy (job, school, our hobbies), we get those good feelings from other sources: drugs, trashy TV, women, food, etc… All those things are not bad by themselves, but if your regular life doesn’t make you happy, you will overly emotionally invest in bad things and become addicted and depressed. If your life is miserable, you will subconsciously and unknowingly immediately start overly investing in women.

I use the “cheese pizza method.” Whenever I feel like I’m getting too emotional, I fill my thoughts and emotions with something I love – cheese pizza, Oreo cheesecake, the day I did mushrooms at the beach, reading about dinosaurs stoned, etc... This clears my head and allows me to act “normal” around women. When I am thinking about doing something for a girl I ask myself “what has she done to dislodge cheese pizza out of my heart and mind?” You can replace cheese pizza with anything, ideally an incredible, thrilling life that she would want to join.

Have abundance mentality with respect to girls

No matter how awesome your life is, it is hard to not emotionally invest in girls. Abundance mentality is when your thoughts and emotions are full of other women, so you don’t need this one girl. If you don’t have other girls, you need to delude yourself. I recall times when I did have abundance and put myself back in that mental space. If you’ve never had abundance, imagine you are Brad Pitt or some other celebrity and think about how he would feel and act.

Have boundaries and be unperturbable

Women want you to be an immovable wall that confidently and joyfully pursues his mission. She will try to perturb you from that mission, not because she wants to see you fail, but because she wants to test whether you are actually a brick wall or a façade for something softer. The same way you knock on a desk at the furniture store to see if it is real wood, a woman shit tests you to see if you are actually confident enough to pursue your mission or if you will be perturbed. And the more confident and immovable you are, the stronger the shit tests become. This is true even if the mission is getting her! As long as she is into it, you need to escalate as if you already know she will say yes.

Your mission, when out, should be maximum fun. She should sense that your emotional investment is “where’s the party? Where’s the next fun thing?” You should have a plan for the entire night: I’m going to X, then I’m going to Y , etc… You should not let the woman hijack your plans and take the lead. Your primary mission (career, hobbies, etc…) should also be in your head. Remember the song “girls just wanna have fun?” In truth, everybody just wants to have fun but boys are wracked with anxiety because they are trying to impress girls. Whenever you are feeling nervous, scared, anxious or like you are emotionally investing too much in a girl, just say to yourself “I’m here to have fun. If you contribute, great. If not, you are dismissed.” Fun and positivity always win.

Example: If a beautiful woman is talking about something incredibly boring most men pretend to be interested. Wrong! Women know when they are being boring and it is sometimes a subtle shit test to see if you will let her get away with it. Women are not desperate for sex and they do not need to hang around if a guy is being boring, stupid or mean, and they cannot respect or empathize with a guy who would put up with bullshit from her. Men let women be boring when they lose their vision of the good life. A good life involves beautiful women, but it also involves interesting conversations. If you aren’t getting interesting conversations from her, you would leave because you have options. Whenever a woman is being boring, I change the subject just to let her know I don’t tolerate bullshit.

By having a vision of the good life, boundaries, and confidence that your life, thoughts and emotions are interesting and valuable, you can challenge and stimulate a woman. Women want a man that will help them grow and introduce them to a better life and more interesting world than the one they currently inhabit. They don’t want some a that agrees with everything they say, a pushover, or a simple-minded conformist. Women want a guy who is willing to walk away at any time, not because he is some cold-hearted psychopath, but because once a man shows that is he NOT willing to walk away at any time, there is no challenge or growth.

Of course, for most of you, this is very difficult. Many of you have uninteresting lives so a beautiful woman would instantly become the most interesting and important thing your life or you are so sex starved and desperate that you don’t care if a woman is being boring, or mean, or uninterested, or whatever.

Focus on your own fun first

Imagine you paid $500,000 to spend a week with Leonardo DiCaprio (or whatever celebrity you think lives an awesome life) and when you get there Leonardo says “tell us what we should do?” You would say “I don’t know, what are the options?” and Leo goes “I don’t have anything planned – let’s just do what you were gonna do.” You would be pissed! You want to become part of Leo’s awesome life, not make your own plan. That’s how girls feel when men don’t have a plan. They want to join your life, not lead you around in their life. That’s why you need to focus on your own fun first. You may like you are being rude or selfish, but you’re not, because women are more attracted to the act of leading than the destination necessarily.

How to make her emotionally invest in you

For a woman to emotionally invest in you, certain shit must happen:

1) She must “like” you – i.e., she must find you pleasant, friendly, good-looking, compatible with her values and interests.

2) She must feel an emotional connection with you.

3) She must feel accepted by you. If she you are rejecting her, ignoring her, or being hostile, she will not emotionally invest.

4) She must watch you be confident and resilient.

5) She needs to spend time around you.

She must like you

This one is self-explanatory. Women are usually not going to invest in you if you don’t share their interests, values, goals, etc… Some girls want a rapper covered in tattoos, others want a nerdy guy who watches Star Wars. If you’re a versatile guy with lots of interests, a lot more women will like you, but some people just aren’t compatible.

She must feel an emotional connection with you

The key to developing an emotional connection with a girl is experiencing emotionally exciting things together. The ultimate is of course, passionate sex, but a good concert, a deep conversation, even a beer pong game you guys play together can help build an emotional connection.

Another way to build an emotional connection is for her to vicariously experience your confidence. She wants you to be her emotional rock, so she would like to project her insecurities and fears onto you, and watch you brush them off as if they were nothing. She also wants to watch you take the lead and make the night fun.

A woman has emotional energy, and that energy must be directed towards something or somebody. You want that energy to be directed to you. The easiest way to do this is just by spending time around her. Just “being around” will help build attraction as long as you are not fucking it up by being needy or making her feel bad. The best way to get women to like you is to be “forced” to be around them, such as work or a group hangout, where you do not supplicate to them or validate yourself to them. My friend used to take girls out on his boat, and these girls would usually end up liking me by the end of the day because we would have spent all day together. Celebrities get so much tang because women watch them in movies or listen to their music and become emotionally invested, whereas the celebrity shows the women no emotional investment in all.

She must feel accepted by you.

Again, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, so it must feel like the door to you is open. As she invests in you more, you must escalate more. You can fuck this up by being an asshole, not being sensitive to her emotions, and not reading her advances correctly.

She must watch you confidently pursue your goals

The word confidence comes from the Latin con (with) + fidens (faith). A man with confidence has faith that he will succeed in whatever he does and cannot be stopped by anybody. Women get turned by watching a man confidently pursue his mission. Why are women w so attracted to DJs, promoters, and drug dealers in the club? Those guys aren’t exactly the “cream” of society. It’s because those guys are the only people at the club actually doing something. All the other guys are just sitting there drooling over the girls, instantly reducing their attractiveness.

Putting it all together

To apply all this knowledge, my strategy is to adopt a rational, almost businesslike demeanor, at least in the early stages of the interaction. As I said earlier, women are “rational” at the beginning before they are emotionally invested, so you should also be rational. A man must act almost like he is a woman: he is interested in a relationship (or maybe even just sex) but he has high standards and must evaluate the woman thoroughly first and make sure she is suitable before he gets emotionally invested. You should act like your actions are guided by a seduction computer that makes all the decisions based on the available information, not your emotions.

One technique is called “disinterested interest.” Your rational words should show interest and enthusiasm but you must communicate the “emotion” of “I’m just talking to you to be nice, I am not totally emotionally invested in you yet and I could walk away at any moment.” The best way to do this is by keeping your thoughts and emotions focused on something else, other than her.

You should not, however, stay completely rational. You must allow yourself to show your emotions about things that are not her: your passions, your interests, your friends, etc… And you can show emotion towards her if she deserves it: laugh if she says something funny, thank her if she does something nice, sympathize with her if she says something sad: just don’t let on that you feel emotional about “her” unconnected to anything she is or has done.

And of course, escalate sexually. Paradoxically, it is possible to escalate sexually and not appear emotionally invested. In fact, a lot of women (especially damaged ones) are looking for emotionless sex. You must touch her, you must turn the conversation sexual, you must do “seductive” things like look into her eyes and whisper in her ear, etc… And you must confidently take the lead in the conversation and the situation in general, leading her from place to place, getting intimate with her, etc… And when she starts to emotionally invest, make her feel like you MIGHT emotionally invest too (but not as much as her). Sometimes if you play it “too” cool she will think you just like her platonically or that you lost interest.

A broader view

This article is obviously about getting girls, but the principles are applicable in all areas of your life. Simply put, you should not invest your thoughts and emotions into people, places, institutions, and activities that do not give a fuck about you and/or do not produce a return that equals the investment you put into them. One of the biggest mistakes people make is investing too much in their job, friendship, hobbies, etc..., and getting 0 out of it.

Additionally, whatever you do becomes your emotional investment. If you spend every weekend hanging out with piece of shit people that just do drugs, complain and make bad decisions, guess what, you are now becoming a piece of shit person. You are what you do.

Go to my website: http://www.woujo.com