@Lionsmane8 do you think eventually this will become a throw away memory

I Need some advice on how to move on recently I lost my virginity but the girl was only fucking me because I gave her money to spend(in my head im thinking I may swell of just hired a pornstar) at the time I didn't care. and thought of it as me saving time and energy by just giving her what she's really after but now that its done my self esteem is completely crushed I fell out of my routine and im ashamed that this is the way that I lost my virginity how do I move on from this and turn this shameful moment into an overall positive in my life and allow it to facilitate my growth.