@Lionsmane8 will me improving cause the shame to die down because atm im feeling like the shame means that no matter how hard I try all of my improvement will be in vain
appreciate your advice right now it just feels as though I've tainted my sexual history. and im struggling to increase my self esteem because whenever I try the shame holds me back
No problem, but learn to be more patient with yourself. Through diligence and sincerity in your actions, you'll overcome this and any other unsavory choices you might make. I'm confident that you can one day become the man you imagine you could be. Stay well.
@carnold03 appreciate your advice right now it just feels as though I've tainted my sexual history. and im struggling to increase my self esteem because whenever I try the shame holds me back
damn do you think this is going to be something that I always remember or do you think the more I go out there and get girls the memory will fade
Old experiences don't sting like fresh wounds as time goes on. Spend your time and energy to live life and mature. If all goes well, a few years from now, you'll look back on this, along with the other stuff you'll do, and think to yourself that you've come a surprising long way for the better.
@carnold03 damn do you think this is going to be something that I always remember or do you think the more I go out there and get girls the memory will fade
tbh one thing which im worried about is when I eventually find a quality woman what should I say if im ever confronted with how I lost my virginity
Outside of sluts looking for fodder with which to mock you, your doctor during an annual physical, and maybe your future kids, no one will ever ask about your sex life, let alone your first time. However, on the off chance some woman you're seriously involved with ever does, just tell her some variation of, "Honestly, it wasn't that great and if it wasn't my first time I'd have otherwise forgotten about it, but I'm glad to say I've since had better."
@Bozza oh I didn't realise that .tbh I don't think im even going to count it anymore. I didn't earn it I think if I shift my focus to caring about me going through the trials of actually trying to use myself to get it.
@carnold03 tbh one thing which im worried about is when I eventually find a quality woman what should I say if im ever confronted with how I lost my virginity
I Need some advice on how to move on recently I lost my virginity but the girl was only fucking me because I gave her money to spend(in my head im thinking I may swell of just hired a pornstar) at the time I didn't care. and thought of it as me saving time and energy by just giving her what she's really after but now that its done my self esteem is completely crushed I fell out of my routine and im ashamed that this is the way that I lost my virginity how do I move on from this and turn this shameful moment into an overall positive in my life and allow it to facilitate my growth.
What's done is done. You paid a woman for sex and since coming down from your post coitus high, you feel less than pleased with yourself because of what it suggests about yourself. You'll be in the pits for a bit about this revelation for a while. The thing about feelings though is that whether they're good or bad, they won't last forever, so take some solace in that, at least. The thing is, with modern dating, when you're not some drop dead gorgeous hunk, or cunning linguist, you're going to be spending some money to gain access to sex, even though it may not be for the sex outright.
The only way to grow is to seek out and overcome the challenges of life. When you get a chance, get a sheet of paper and write down everything that you've wanted to do, that you've had to put aside on the back burner. Don't concern yourself with how silly or stupid it might be, just write them down. Then, on another sheet of paper, re-write that list starting with what you believe to be the easiest task down to the most difficult. When you've done that, pray to god he lend you the strength of focus and follow-through to achieve those goals, then get to work on it.
As for women, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library.
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