Hey

This blog will mainly be about my life and what I'm up to. I'm in a pretty bad place right now so the focus will be to get out of it. If this type of blog isn't allowed here you can delete it. I thought about having my own private journal but hey, some visibility might be good for my motivation (any feedback appreciated).

I'm a scandinavian guy in my mid 20s. Let me start my story when I was around 18 yrs old:

I used to be a shy guy that didn't have too many friends until I discovered the PUA community. I started to approach girls wherever I went and I broke out of my beta shell. As soon as I started to get attention from girls, I went into a LTR with a girl who I broke up with 2 yrs later. After that I had a quite hysterical period again going out PUA-style, approaching everything, and I smashed 10 girls in half a year.

After that I lost myself in studies, work, and general career pursuits for 3 yrs. I rejected everything about life that wasn't about my career (classic billy beta trap right?). The summer I took my bachelor degree I also fell in love with a girl (oneitis), who cruelly rejected me, because I was then a loser who had nothing apart from my perfect grades.

That girl wasn't even that high up the SMV scale, and she really seemed to be completely unattracted to me after short period of dating/fucking her. I felt disgusted by myself when I realized how far I'd fallen from the successful plate spinner I had been before starting my studies.

That was a crisis that made me go look for new male friends to hang out with, and I actually struck gold after not so long time of looking. I started to hang out with a group of friends that I had only known briefly since before and they were fucking studs - as a group they were very successful with girls.

So I start to go out with these guys and they show me a new world. We were ~10 guys, all quite tall, good looking etc, and some of them had amazing places to host afterparties and different types of shindigs. Every weekend we'd hang out with new groups of girls and for the first time in my life I didn't have to lift a finger to get laid. I'm still in this circle of friends but it has dried out a little pussy-wise, some guys have settled with LTRs, and I myself have run into my own problems.

The ecstasy from hanging out with that group of guys made my gradschool/master studies seem completely useless and boring. I've finally pulled through and got everything done, but the time it took, the bad grades I got, lack of internship etc doesn't look good at all. So I'm now without a job, without an income and just miserable all around.

I went to an elite school, so now I compare myself to my high achieving class mates, who are all doing investment banking or management consulting which was originally my goal as well. My chances of that seems to have disappeared, but maybe that's a blessing in disguise, idk. I studied finance for my master, and most finance jobs seem pretty hard to get so I've applied to a ton of stuff and rarely even get interviews.

I'm trying to keep my chin up but last few weeks I've been so depressed that I'm not even using my time to search for jobs - I just sit around browsing the internet all day and doing nothing of value. I've started to avoid my friends, because I have no money and just feel bad about myself. I've neglected school/career stuff for 2.5 yrs, I've lost all income sources since 6 months ago, since then everything has just been going south pretty much. I need to dig myself out of this big ass hole I've created for myself. I want to create a more balanced life than I've had before, one where I'm feel ALIVE again, instead of just melancholicly sitting around and do nothing all day.

Therefore, this blog. Hopefully by writing shit down, I can start to reflect on what the fuck I'm doing with my life and what I should do instead.

I'll check in here again in a couple of days. Until then my goal is to have applied for 10 new jobs, done cleaning my apartment+laundry, and also start to look into a financial modeling course I've paid for long time ago.

Tip faxit for their post.