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Answers to common AskTRP questions: How do I break up with my LTR
Published 10/02/19 by mattyanon [0 Comments]

How to break up with a LTR

This assumes that:

  • You are not cohabiting
  • You do not have children together
  • That a simple clean break is possible (eg she doesn't have your car)
  • That you've seen each other enough times that it makes sense to meet up and deliver the bad news in person
  • She's at least moderately sane
  • You really do want to break up with her

Agree to meet in public

Agree to meet in a public place with secluded areas (eg quiet coffee shop). Women can be unpredictable when their ego is hurt and being dumped is an ego bash for anyone. You want her to have to maintain a level of decorum.

Be clear with her

First tell her it's over between you. It's important you state this first. No wavering on this. Use words like "xxxx-girl, it is over between us". No apology, no hesitation. Lack of clarity about the change of arrangements will just increase the hurt and confusion.

Then tell her very roughly why: tell her it's not working for you, it's not what you want. DO NOT BE DRAWN ON DETAILS, say things like "I've made up my mind" and "it's not working for me" and "this is not what I want". Note that this is blame-free but without details. No matter how good your reasons are, this isn't the time for recriminations.

Do not negotiate

DO NOT ALLOW ROOM FOR NEGOTIATION... first she'll press for exact details, then tell you how she'll change in this area, and therefore you don't need to dump her, that she deserves another chance, etc etc. Don't go down this road, don't give details, don't negotiate.

If things are going badly, you can leave at any time. Don't forget that. You've delivered the news up front, so you can just say "I have to go" and walk out if you feel you're wavering, if she's getting too emotional, if she starts lashing out, if she tries to negotiate too relentlessly.

She'll suggest you remain friends, and you enthusiastically agree to this. This will make her feel better. Of course don't actually do it because male-female friendship is one-way and will drain you. You need to get her out of your system and to get on with your life.

Stand up, give her a quick hug if she's amenable, say something like "best of luck" and then get on with your life.

You owe her nothing

Remember this: YOU OWE HER NOTHING. Drum that in to your head before you see her. Most likely you've done far more for her than the reverse, she isn't somehow entitled to your continued help and support. You don't owe her a relationship, don't let her make you think you do.

After that she'll likely try to maintain a high level of contact (ie maximum girlfriend privileges but without sex)... you should gradually fade this out (ie increase the time before responses in order to create healthy distance).

If she goes all stalker (ie making any sort of threats against you) then you cut her off entirely, and ignore ALL contact. The only way to ditch stalkers is to give them absolutely zero response to any contact they make. They almost always fade away over time.

Bonus: optional continued fucking

If you want to continue fucking her (and this is frequently possible), then this has to be done AFTER the new boundaries are clearly agreed (this needs at least a month with no or almost no in-person contact). If she lashes out at you in any way due to the breakup then cut all ties - continuing to fuck her with no relationship isn't going to make her behaviour improve.


Do not be her texting buddy.

Fuck a few other girls before you go back to avoid oneitis.

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