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Sexual attraction and relationship attraction
Published 05/01/16 by G_Petronius [0 Comments]

Summary: I clarify a fundamental distinction between the two different kinds of attraction, sexual and relationship. I explain the origin of this distinction, why it's important to understand it and how to exploit it.

Dual mating

"Dual mating" is a sexual strategy in which the female seeks reproduction and partnership with two different males. She seeks to reproduce with a genetically superior male (called 'alpha') and to enter into a relationship with a reliable, capable male (called 'beta') that will provide her and her children with protection and resources.

In most cases, the cuckolded beta male will have some reproductive access and will gain some offspring of his own: dual mating doesn't imply a 100% cuckolding rate. The beta male will also attempt various strategies to ward off cuckolding, like mate guarding. But while the beta male must provide resources and commitment to gain some reproductive access (which the female gives up grudgingly as the price of his commitment), the alpha male gets enthusiastic reproductive access with almost no effort and with no commitment required.

Human females engage in dual mating. It developed before neurologically-modern humans and takes place at an instinctual, not rational level. Read the link for a shit-ton of details.

Alpha and beta

In the manosphere, the terms 'alpha' and 'beta' were introduced informally and before any strong connection to evolutionary psychology was realized. They are taken from analogy with hierarchical pack animals, like wolves, where the dominant male of the group (the alpha) enjoys several advantages over the lesser males (betas).

However imprecise in their origin, the terms were well-suited to describe recurring patterns in relationship dynamics, and have remained in use. With the introduction of evo-psych to the manosphere, they could take on a more precise meaning:

  • Alpha: a male which (((displays))) (more on this later) traits that indicate a superior genetic makeup. Mating with an alpha male is desirable because of his advantageous genetics.
  • Beta: a male which (((displays))) traits that indicate his reliability, willingness to commit and ability to provide. Being in a relationship with a beta male is desirable because he can reliably provide resources and services.

In humans, alpha male traits include physical fitness indicators (like height, muscularity, shoulder-hip ratio), masculinity indicators (facial masculinity) and dominance. Beta male traits include reliability, willingness to commit, ability to provide (wealth, lucrative skills). Notice that some of these traits can overlap but they are not the same: a socially dominant alpha male might also be wealthy, but a wealthy man might well be a wuss.

Information and signalling

Women don't have a magical scanner that can read the genetic makeup of men, so they must rely on those traits that males display. Displaying certain traits suggests to the female brain that the male in question possesses an underlying quality: a muscular man subconsciously indicates that he has high levels of genetic fitness, enabling him to grow muscles better and to catch more food.

These indicators evolved over the millions of years in which humans were hunter gatherers. They might not logically apply to the current day: a muscular man today is more likely the product of dedication and discipline than gifted genetics. But that doesn't matter: humans have lived in the modern age for far too short a time for present conditions to override millions of years of evolution. Women are still sexually attracted to what made an alpha caveman.

The fact that the display of traits is what matters allows a certain latitude to male sexual strategy. "Fake it until you make it" works because you can display confidence while not having it, and for the most part it will still be perceived as genuine confidence and elicit sexual attraction.

Sexual attraction and relationship attraction

All of this brings us to a fundamental operational distinction.

Sexual attraction is the kind of attraction which makes a woman want to have sex with you, regardless of all other considerations. It is produced by alpha traits: looks and dominance. A high school dropout felon who is, however, a tower of testosterone-driven muscle is the perfect example of an alpha male who is a loser in 2016 society, and still far more likely to slay pussy than fat Billie Beta with his office job and meek manners.

Relationship attraction is the kind of attraction which makes a woman want to be in a relationship with you, regardless of all other considerations. It is produced by beta traits: reliabilty, compliance and ability to provide. A self-made billionaire CEO who is, however, a pussy-whipped wuss who gets manipulated by a gold-digging girlfriendis the perfect example of a beta male who is a winner in 2016 society, and still can only get pussy if he puts incredible amounts of resources on the table.

Notice that while the two kinds of attraction are NOT mutually exclusive, and indeed in most cases are both present at the same time in some proportion, it is generally very easy for the effort required by the beta traits to make a man fall behind on his alpha ones. Specifically, men often give up dominance to try to show commitment.

Why it's important to know the distinction

The distinction is fundamental, because it teaches you which traits to develop and display to obtain the results you want. If you want to get a lot of NSA sex, work on your looks and dominance; if you want a stable relationship and maybe even a family, you need to also ("also" doesn't mean "exclusively") provide stability, reliability and resources. You CAN use the lure of beta traits like wealth to raise initial interest, but unless they are coupled with alpha traits they won't turn into sexual attraction. Having an expensive car might make a woman talk to you, maybe even sleep with you once, but if she realizes you're a pussy the sex is only going to be coming, grudgingly, in return for gifts and services.

The plight of the "nice guy" is exactly the result of trying to use beta traits, like availability and provision of resources, to elicit sexual attraction, and failing hard.

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