That’s all folks.

I remember one of my friends told me once to never date a filipina. While on my quest to make sense of what happened, I met many filipinas online though Facebook. What surprised me was that all of them were hard catholics, but at the same time, their profiles consisted of something like a picture of them posing sexy in revealing clothes with caps like “God’s master piece”, or “”God’s princess” or “God loves her the most”. Seemed to me like they all had this diva complex. I don’t know, go see four yourself I guess.

So yeah man, old fashioned, shy, conservative wife material that would never do anyone any harm. Get your own conclusions.

For me, this was the experience that finally blackpilled me in the flesh. Call me a pussy idc, I’m scarred for life and I know that no matter who I may now, just like I predicted, I’ll get dumped for better.

One of the biggest morals of the story is that no matter how old fashioned a woman is, if the guy is cute enough, they go full moist.

I still sit here and think it only took that guy one day to do more with her than what I would’ve done in years. All that time out the window, for some week of sex with a cute dude. Letting that sink in.

And for women reading this, the problem isn’t that se was a closet hoe, the problem is that she lied about it. If she had come clean about it from the start, I wouldn’t have dated her at all.

Looking back to that fight over playing with my friend, I used to sometimes ask to myself “What if that day, that fight hadn’t happened?”, “What if we could’ve solved it right there? Where would we be right now?” Where would I go to if I could turn back time? Would I go to that day and handle things better?

But that question doesn’t make any sense. Not because it’s done, but because if it hadn’t been that fight, it would’ve been a different one. It was going to happen no matter what, because all along she was faking being someone she wasn’t, and that had to explode some day.

I found out that what hurt me wasn’t that the guy “had” her like I said earlier. What hurt me is that I never did. I never knew who she was. It was all an illusion. I didn’t fall in love with that woman. I never loved her. I loved who she told me she was. I loved the lie. We were nothing but perfect strangers.

That woman fucking that dude, was the real woman. For all I care, maybe that’s the only things that was real, and I was just daydreaming all along. A lucid dream.

In the end, what hurt was admitting that the dream was over and having to slap myself awake from it. It was the realization that none of that ever happened.

So to answer my own question. If I could turn back time, I would go back to that moment I decided to do that experiment with my friend, and not do it at all.

Curious fact is, my standard of beauty has now changed. Now my perfect body shape is brown skin, flat chest, flat ass. It’s a woman that looks exactly than the one from my dreams, but real. It’s like I’m waiting for that dream to be true I guess. If that ever happens, great. If doesn't, just doesn't.

Well my life changed for the better now, Everything worked out just fine and my band is about to release a demo now. Also because I play the guitar, I get the fun I want after each gig so I can’t complain about lack of sex.

Eat your veggies.

-----------------------------------------Part III------------------------------------------

I tried breaking up with her many times but she begged me not to, and I still loved her, so I just tried to gather myself up and try to make sense of the whole situation. Find a way to forgive her. I didn’t want to touch her though, it felt gross. I felt so humiliated I can’t even explain. At one point she sent me a picture of herself in a thong with my name written on her ass implying she was mine. That same ass that a few days ago was in what knows what other stuff with another dude. What? That dude had a part of her I never knew existed. That guy HAD her, he just kicked her back to me when he had his fun. It’s like he had been her bf all along and I was just some side dish she would entertain out of pity. I can’t explain in words, sorry. Maybe other guys who’d been cheated on like this can relate.

For women out there, imagine you find your bf doing all sorts of kinky shit with another woman, then he comes back and writes your name on his dicks and says “This is all yours baby hehe”. Idk.

We were together for a week after that, but each time I’d brought up the subject she would get infuriated. She would ask for sex sometimes but understandably I didn’t want to touch her at all. I tried to like it back, but picture this: We had sex once and she said she liked it rough now, that she discovered she liked it raw and mean. She wanted me to fuck her like that dude fucked her. When I looked at her face I could tell she was thinking about the other dude.

That only made me want to vomit and want to touch her even less. She kept saying it had nothing to do with him, that it was that she found out by herself. Oh and btw, she told me she thought of me while fucking him (insert cute little innocent laugh), while he was whipping her ass probably yeah right. Another detail is that I found out that after each time they fucked, she would visit my Facebook profile and stalk me, only to fuck him again after.

She kept saying it was nothing because there were no feelings involved… You get the idea. You guys can probably tell my brain was nuking itself by this point.

One day she just started crying really bad and told me that she knew we were going back together after that fight as usual. She knew were going to make up. She knew it was just a stupid fight and this was no different from other fights.

She confessed when she met this guy and she started getting all horny, she knew it was wrong. She knew it would hurt me, and she knew she had to make a decision.

Well you may ask, if she knew we were going back and it was no different than other fights, then was it a real break up or not? I didn’t get it. And yeah, it gets more toxic from now on.

I told her to give me some time to which she answered: “I cheated on you, you should hate me and find someone better”. So I proposed to just stay together until I can let go, which she argued wasn’t a good idea. She said she didn’t want to let me go and that would hurt too much. Confusing but yeah, I didn’t know what I was doing to be honest, I was completely short circuited.

Right after, she turned cold and broke up with me. She said she didn’t want commitment, she just wanted sex. That she wanted a no strings attached relationship like the one she had with the other dude and I said no. My whole body fries and as her not to be so cold, I was still trying to heal and I wanted a slow transition to breaking up.

After some arguing and me begging cos I’m a loser she agreed to remain together, and asked me to have sex with her right after. I said no, and she dumped me right away saying she only agreed with me to have sex.

Then she cries again, we talk, we have our boring sex again and she says she misses me and she missed the sex too. She starts crying and all.

Okay so I finally asked her why did she do it, why did she fuck this guy if she knew it was wrong, if she knew it would hurt me, and if she knew we were going back in a few days.

And she simply answered with: “I fucked him because he’s cute”.

Massive blackpill.

This would go on and on, where she would constantly go back on her words, tell me it was none of my business, then apologizing for cheating and lying to me the way she did, then justifying herself and telling me she had nothing to apologize for. She would even be protective of this other dude sometimes.

I stopped talking to her for a while and took my distance only for her to come back to me saying it was nothing, that she didn’t enjoy it (yeah right) and blah blah. Then she’d get mad at me for being cold to her and distant and demanded me to forget about what happened. She literally said one day “Hey no one cares anymore, that guy is no one.” She’d go on and say that it was a mistake, that it wasn’t her, and it a single mistake woudln’t define who she was.

I sarcastically said one time “Yeah he’s just a guy you fucked, and you’re a girl he fucked”, and she replied “Yes exactly, nothing less, nothing more. Just forget about it, it’s done, deal with it”. Wasn’t expecting that but okay.

Okay so at this point I was a complete mess. I remember I was doing bench presses at the gym and the strength just left my body, my arms and chest became all flaccid and the bar fell on top of me. Luckily I didn’t cause a scene cos no one was looking. It was 100kg, so it’s not like it was going to crush my chest anyways, and I could move my way out.

One of my best friends was visibly worried about me since I’d always been outgoing and sort of cheerful despite the cold look I always have on my face. To suddenly see me home all day, losing mad weight, was worrying everyone. I must have lost 15kg in a few weeks.

I remember my friend took me out for subways, cos I love subways you know. I ordered my favorite sandwich, and I will never forget the experience. No matter how much I munched on the food, I couldn’t swallow it. Then I started crying. Shit was too much man.

I would lay on my bed all day, completely empty. I was playing guitar in a band by then too and I couldn’t hit a chord. I love playing guitar. Its one of the things I love the most and probably the only reason I pulled up in my life. And I wouldn’t pick up a guitar for the sake of me. Oh yeah and to make the year even better, one of my amps blew up and I was broke so I couldn’t play anyways.

I started to speak slow, and my dad, mom, and friends started noticing there was something very wrong, since I couldn’t even speak properly and it almost seemed like I was having some sort of cerebral palsy. My dad thought I was doing drugs and shit.

This back and forth dynamics kept going on until this whole shitpot got burning hot and we both engaged in a shitfest tug of war. It started to become just plain humiliation. She would often rub what she did on my face while saying shit like “hehe I’m cute”. It was not until one day when she said “He’s better than you, he’s cuter than you, he’s nicer than you, and I fucked him.” that I flipped out and left.

I’m no one’s bitch man. I don’t take shit from anyone. Not my parents when I was kid, nor bullies at school, not my higher ups at work. No one. And I fucking had it with this woman.

I stopped talking to her for good this time.

Okay so I was minding my own shit and yeah, depressed as fuck on discord, which was a cesspool at the time but it was good enough to meet randoms and just unload some stress. I met these dudes and told them my story. I was still trying to make sense of the situation, I still wanted to believe her and give her a chance. I told them I would spend hours reading my ex and I’s conversations on Facebook to try to figure out whatever I’d miss. I just needed a way to forgive her. Then one of the guys asked me to share the conversations with him and I said sure, thanks. So I shared the SERVICE folder where that was contained (I’m not gonna specify which cloud service it was because I don’t shit on them, or in myself while at it).

So a day or so later I was getting groceries when I receive an email form Paypal telling me that one of my payments had been cancelled. It was weierd because a month or so earlier I purchased a part to fix hat amplifier that blew up. So I had no reason to distrust the message. I go on my computer, check the email, and It prompts me to input my name and other data to make sure it was me. Then it final asked me to input the credit card information that I have associated to the account, for safekeeping. Wait what?. This shit ain’t legit damn. I didn’t put any of my credit card data on it but still, how the hell did they get to know about the purchase I’ve just made?

Fuck, my SERVICE shared folder. Then I realized I had shared the entire SERVICE folder. I had to change all my passwords and everything. And before you blame for being stupid, remember at the time I wasn’t functioning very well and I couldn’t even fucking speak properly .However, I also realized that I had a folder there with nudes of my already ex gf.

I thought nothing big of it, they were probably after my financial data and other shit.

I suddenly get contacted by my gf. Remember I shared some Facebook conversations and screenshots with those dudes? Well these included names of their family members. Shit was spreading like a wildfire, we both panicked and started trying to take down whatever we saw.

She asked me to talk to her parents about what happened and I didn’t know what to do. What was I supposed to say? I’d have to explain some dudes got in my personal stuff, which meant I’d also have to explain that her daughter cheated on me and abused me and I was looking for emotional support, making things only worse for everyone. This understandably pissed her off.

In the end we argued, started humiliating myself again, and I told her I wasn’t going to help her at all. For the record, I was going to help her contain the damage anyways I’m not that mean, and besides, it was my fuck up.

So we kept fighting and she said she would kill herself if I didn’t help her, to which I stupidly replied “Kill yourself if you want, just leave me alone” Yeah bad move there. I know that was messed up. I knew she wasn’t going to do anything to herself anyways but still, that was not appropriate. She then told me she still loved me along with something like “I’ll always cherish our time together, my cupcake, my cherry pie, my adshsidfisdf” like 6 other things shit dammit. I told her again give me some time, while I tried to fix this.

So we stopped talking for about two weeks

We started talking again, I told her the damage had been contained, that now we could talk about the possibility of us going back together and it turns out she had another dude. She said they were not official but still kinda.

Surprised, but not so surprised at the same time; kinda expecting this already, I asked “Another dude so fast? I just asked for some space”, to which she replied “he was there when I was sad, and you said something horrible to me. You told me to kill myself. I will never forgive you for that. I don’t want you anymore”

I kept on damage control, and eventually met the dude which was helping her as well. IN the meantime, he would tell me about how this other guy was an angel and she’d go on to tell me how cute he was, and how she wanted to fuck him without protection. Yep. I also had to see how she’d go to her apartment every day. I tried to convince her to refrain herself from doing anything with him, because I simply asked for time. She started mocking at me with stuff like “Oh, now that competition arrives, you start caring about me huh? You should prove me you’re worth of me”

Yeah no, it’s more like I asked you for time to heal properly but whatever.

Talking with this guy once, he told me she was the one who approached him and started flirting with him, but she confessed she still had feelings for me. I told him that it most likely wasn’t the case, and that she only said that to keep me close to help her. I had the hunch she thought I’d stop helping her should she start dating him. We both had our doubts so I proposed him I was going to tell her that I was still going to help her even if she started dating him.

That day, her and I talked somehow as If nothing had ever happened. She talked to me about those songs I liked and asked me to show her more. I told her it was fine if she went with this dude, I would still help her.

So that night she goes ahead and does stuff with this guy in his apartment and I got my heart broken again, but in the end, it was a bet. This time it killed my feelings as well though, so I started feeling better.

Welp, turns out this guy had a gf and was only using her. And when she found out, she came to me and told me she missed me. Conversation literally went over like this:

Me: “You’re just say that because he used you and you need someone to come back to”

Her: “That would be true if I was actually asking you out”

15 minutes later

Me: “Can we try and fix things?”

With my feelings adding out exponentially from that last one trick she did I ignored her. By the time I had successfully contained the spread at that point and decided it was enough and needed to focus on myself.

A week later she texted me saying she’d learnt how to cook some sort of cake I think. I asked where’d that come from since she doesn’t cook. and told me she cooked for some dude she met online. She traveled there and cooked for him. Yeah she just cooked for him.

I met a girl and we started dating, which she didn’t like. She would make different accounts and text me from different cellphones threatening me she was going to start dating other dudes and shit. Not that it really mattered to me if she started seeing other guys, but I figured she could only go lower and lower and it wasn’t going to be precisely dating, so I lied and said I wasn’t dating anyone. After a few days, she contacted me and told me she met two guys at college and started sucking and fucking them both in parallel while doing drugs at their places. This made her feel lonely and used.

This whole thing just smelled bad and decided to block this woman from everything. The thing is, she just wanted me close in case the nudes came up again, because our last conversation was something like this:

“You just want me to help you with your problem”

“No, I really want you back. I miss you, and I will never get tired of saying it”

“Okay, so if I help you once more, would you leave me alone?”

“Yes of course”

-Blocked-