This part gets weird, and I know some of you may say I’m a simp and whatnot but when you love someone, things aren’t that easy.

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Things started to get sour. She would start fight over the weirdest things and threaten to break up with me every time we argued about something. This evolved into a toxic routine of such thateach time we’d get in a fight, she’d dump me and go to her social media, change all profile pictures for provocative ones, and come back for me a day later.

One day she told me that she was just moody and wanted a boyfriend that wouldn’t take her seriously when she said she wanted to break up. That her break ups were not serious at all. Messed up I know, but to me it was only a quirk of hers and I loved her just the way she was. It was just part of her. I mean as long as she didn’t hurt me, it was all things we had to fix. No one said relationships were easy, and I at least was whiling to work on it because I thought she was worth it. Despite all the stupid fight, we really had lots of fun and I really enjoyed her company and just talking to her.

Fights were getting more and more common. I must confess though, I was pretty much an ass. Each time she stared a scene, I’d split because she would get way too emotional and tell me mean things like I wasn’t enough, or things that really hurt. So I’d just leave and ignore her when arguments weren’t doing anything. These fights would eventually end up in her breaking up with me for a day.

To avoid this, I thought of nothing less toxic than each time she’d start shit, I’d split and ignore her for a few days so she wouldn’t threaten to break up with me. My logics was that by ignoring her, we would start missing eachother and realize that whatever problem we had wasn’t worth losing eachother and thus had to be fixed. Sort of like a punishment to both of us for being dicks at eachother.

Believe it or not this worked, and we started having less and less fights over the time and started becoming more and more intimate with one another, to the point most arguments were solved easily. In the end, a relationship is about commitment. You have to figure eachother out. It’s a process, and the trick is going through the process without hurting the other person and keeping them by your side.

Months went by, I met her friends and we started having sex, but mostly because I was pushy about it. I’ll explain. She would often times say she wasn’t as innocent as I made her look like (from the very beginning actually), which I took as a sign to try to get kinky as I felt more comfortable around her. I mean don’t blame me, she was the most attractive woman on earth to me at that time. Despite that, she would reject my advances and remind me she was old fashioned and all that. Eventually after a big fight we ended up having sex, but mostly because it was a way of her to prove me that she loved me. Yeah I know. Not the best.

Sex thereafter was nothing spectacular. Not because it was her first time, but because she only did it for me. I mean she was after all, an old fashioned lady and was too shy about it. I actually suggested at some point that sex wasn’t necessary and that she didn’t have to do this for me. I mean, I was aware that she didn’t really like me that much physically speaking. That kinda hurt but I wasn’t looking for a piece of meat, but a partner.

However, we started getting extremely close after that all that, which is in the end what mattered. Things started to work out really well and a few months later, I remember she jokingly said if I proposed to her, she’d say yes. Followed by things like She would also sometimes said “I’m so glad you’re my first everything” and idk. And I damn I liked that.

I’d never considered marriage to be anything positive before that moment. I’m pretty sure I didn’t like the idea very much since well, according to me, no one would love me that much and would eventually cheat on me. I was just gonna be someone’s step to something better. And I was going to end up utterly destroyed in both mind and soul.

My face was cold as always but inside I was jumping like a little girl. I’d never been so happy considering the possibility of marrying someone. I was sure about myself. I loved that woman, and I wanted to wake up every day to her and her only. I wanted to get up and bring her coffee. I wanted to come back home to her. The whole deal. Fuck the stupid fights, none of that mattered.

I hated the idea of having kids of my own. I’m ugly and my genetics are bad, but she wanted my kids so fine, I’ll do it. Whatever she wanted as long as I could hold her hand while getting lettuce at the supermarket idk.

Fights were rare and for actual relevant problems, she was kinda starting to enjoy sex. We were actually going through. Wasn’t easy, but we were getting there. Things were great. We really enjoyed spending time together, we’d watch movies and fall asleep together, and just talk and support eachother. We even had a favorite movie and all that. Idk. I was feeling the fucking faggot butterflies.

Well, one day I proposed we watched a movie like we always did. She told me was gonna get something to eat first and then come with me. Fine by me. An hour went by, and she wasn’t coming, so I decided to play counter strike with my friend while I waited for her. Note however, I had known this guy for over 20 years. He’s a brother to me, I love that dude. He’s been there when no one else has. He was in France at the time and I really missed him, so we would play games online and basically just die and get kicked out but it was our way to spend time together.

So my friend and I agreed to play a short 15 minutes match because he was busy, and we started playing. Right after starting our match, my ex comes back to watch the movie, and I asked her to wait a little cos I was finishing a game with my friend. She said “fine, enjoy your game”. So I kept playing.

Turns out she was furious and told me I chose my game over her. I tried to explain to her that it’s not the game, it’s about spending some time with my friend, and that I did it because I had to wait for like an hour and a half for her to come watch the movie. Anyways, big fight, I split.

I was having a very bad time during that period of my life. My dog died, someone broke into my house and stole my most precious electric guitar, which my dad gave to me when I was 13. It’s a cheap pack one but still, had tremendous value to me. I also got kicked out of college on my last semester because a grade didn’t register (Yes, it was brutally unfair). I lost the sensitivity on the right side of my tongue because I got pulled a nerve during a wisdom tooth removal procedure. All that the same month. And believe it or not, many other similar things happened in the previous months. It’s a fucked up year.

All I wanted was spend time with those I loved, which included my friend and my ex.

Next day she comes to me all normal and we start talking about our usual stuff. However I was still upset because I thought I didn’t deserve that sperg out and confront her about it. I made it a point that my friends are family to me, and they deserved my time as well. That I didn’t chose anyone, I just have time for everyone. Nevertheless, whatever I said went into an ear and came out right the other one apparently because she started yelling at me about how I chose my game over her. “I’m breaking up with you”, and she left.

Okay so another one of her moody break ups. I thought I’d wait until it’s over so we could properly solve it because It’s important to set limits and understanding that you don’t own someone’s time like that.

All I said was “Have fun with your new bf” to which she replied “I will, and I will make sure he chooses me over his games. Have fun with your new poon”. Lmao okay, and we stopped talking. You have to understand none of hat was serious. It as just a way to get back at eachother using sarcasm I mean in the, we’re both old fashioned people.

Next week, she texts me back. We started talking, and considering the last thing I said after our fight, I jokingly asked “How’s your new bf?”.

She replied “He’s not my bf yet”.

I took it as a joke obviously, since she was just playing along with the sarcasm from out last fight. Remember her break ups were not real at all, an wer just a moody attempt to make try harder. And besides, she’s an old fashioned lady and a super shy introvert. I kept going for the sake of breaking the ice and asked “Are you in a relationship with this guy?”, still knowing it was just sarcasm.

Then she said “We’re kinda”. Okay so this started smelling weird, so I started taking it a little more serious.

Turns out she met a guy, and I asked her what was all about. She said it was nothing, that they were just friends and only said that to make me jealous like I pressumed. I said I wanted to talk to him just in case, and she insisted they were just friends. She was texting him in parallel and sent me a screenshot where they were both laughing at me for being so overprotective.

Okay so we talk, we make up. We solve the argument about my friend and agree we should have our space for things like that. Fight over, we’re back, and she starts crying. But really crying. Something was odd.

Male instinct man. After she stopped crying and we were talking all normal, I asked if truly nothing had happened between them both.

Her: “Promise you won’t get mad?”.

Me: “Yeah”.

Her: “We had sex”.

Had questions. Lots of. So she gave me his number and I talked to him. The dude had no idea about anything so he told me everything. Turns out they met one day, and she started fucking the dude the next day. But this is the strange part, almost everytime, it was initiated by her. How do I know? Screenshots, many of them.

And I’m not talking a about the boring sex she had with me where she clearly didn’t like it very much. Nope. This one included handcuffs, spanking, blindfolds, whipping, and more. Turns out she had a huge fetish with 50 shades of Gray.

You know when a couple has like little cute words you use on each other? I could see all those words being used on him as she thirsted over her in the most sexually deranged way possible.

I just sat there with my heart in my hand trying to comprehend what was going on. I can’t possibly explain the pain. Nothing made sense. This guy had done more with my gf in 4 days, than me in a whole year. Wasn’t her old fashioned? Wasn’t her shy? I mean she was shy with me in bed, her bf for over a year.

As I was reading through the texts, I could see how thirsty she was for him and how she had all sorts of sexual fantasies for him after a day of knowing him. It was like a different woman. She’d never say those things to me and would repeatedly tell him how cute he was. They were in a no strings attached relationship.

My brain blew some fuses. Don’t get me wrong, I can endure some pain. Physical and mental. Just for reference, I come from broken family and was brought up in the suburbs so life had its perks. I did martial marts back in the day. I’ve been in the army, I’ve worked shitty jobs at construction, warehouses. I even was that sorry ass tech guy once. I also studied engineering and physics, where for those familiar with those fields of study, you’re rubbed on your face how much of a failure you are every single day. But this was too much.

So I sat with her and asked her all sorts of questions, only for her to get increasingly angry about it to just finally round it up to “it’s none of your business”. She would repeatedly say “That wasn’t me there” each time I tried to talk about it.

I did however confront her about telling me to never take your break ups seriously. I mean I trusted her. And this whole thing made no sense at all, to which she responded this one had been serious. But how was I supposed to know?. What happened to that rule of you to not do anything with another guy three months after you met him?