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Vermillion Man March
My own Red Pill Enlightenment feels incomplete without helping others along the path
The Tragedy of the Pussy Commons and why I apply the camping rule to relationships.
Published 10/03/18 by MentORPHEUS [2 Comments]

A common stumbling block for men on the path from bluepill oneitis scarcity mentality, to redpill plate spinning abundance mentality, is this: How do I sleep with/eventually leave all these women without turning into "that asshole?" Turns out that correctly understood and applied RP ideas didn't require abandoning ethics and hurting women, they reinforced many aspects of my morality and made me a better and more sought after partner. Here are some of my musings on the topic, from early in my RP awakening.

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You're probably familiar with the concept of The Tragedy of the Commons, the classic example of which involves a commonly-owned pasture area which in the absence of the responsibility of ownership, was overgrazed and destroyed, to the tragic detriment of the entire village.

I'd like to discuss stewardship of the common pool of single women.

This is not motivated by abstract notions of social justice, but actually plain self-interest. With the same amount of effort, we can be involved and part with women in ways that leave them satisfied with the outcome and improved and ready for the next relationship, or we can leave them unhappy, hurt, and resistant in the future. One way helps ourselves and other men in the big picture, the other does the opposite and leaves women more cynical and less available. Like all of my posts, this represents my personal love life experience that now spans 1/3 century; your circumstances and style may vary.


Single women are not a limitless resource. Good women are like apples; if you keep dropping them hard, they turn rotten. I'm not asking you to care out of SJW-type shaming; I hate that crap as much as the next guy here. Fact is, there are plenty of perfectly selfish reasons to care about how the women you sleep with are left feeling after your relationship.

  • Social reputation Failed relationships are a part of life especially for the young, and the greater social effects of those that end amicably fade off rapidly, usually well less than a year. Those who were treated badly during and after the relationship often harbor resentment for years and it will spread durably to those who know her. A reputation as a cad can only harm you over time, whereas nobody sane really resents someone who tried but failed at love.
  • Negative business reputation It may of been fun at the time to humiliate her and kick her out with your jizz still on her face never expecting to see her again. Turns out she's a Senior Partner's daughter's really good friend. Well, crap!
  • Positive business reputation At least 10 former lovers have become clients of my business, or referred good clients to me. My clients have a total spend of $5000-25,000+ over time. Every one of them has volunteered the fact that they're doing it because they trust me. [Edit to clarify: I'm not talking about getting into relationships with employees or customers. I'm referring to many lovers met outside of work, who after breaking up (sometimes 10+ years) chose to do business with me or refer high-spend clients.]
  • Less chance of spontaneous drama in your life The more women you're with over time, the greater the mathematical certainty that they'll converge in your social circles. Once four of my exes were in the same small room together for a time; some knew of others, none knew of all. Not only did nothing happen then, it didn't cause any waves between me and the individuals moving forward. In an earlier life, a legit crazy scorned woman discovered and nuked the other women I was seeing, tried to lobby all of my neighbors against me, and contacted several of my clients to talk crap about me. There is a lot of downside potential to a poorly managed love life!
  • Reduced chance of false accusations A little effort put in to relationship aftercare can reap great dividends later. A woman who is let down relatively gently is far less likely to have a burning well of anger and humiliation that her hamster gins up and exaggerates to levels of, "He was abusive to me!" or, "He raped me!"
  • They might come back as improved plates. Different parts of the aging cycle can actually bring about improvements in appearance. Women often discover increasing sex drive with age, and experience and maturity can transform a fair lover to an amazing one. It can be an extra thrill to experience the changes several years can make in each of you. One of my plates has orbited like a comet for over 10 years; a few weeks or months of great, pretty much NSA sex; then she orbits away for months or years, only to orbit back again easily and eagerly.
  • Leave her more receptive for the next guy, for you are everyone else's next guy. A woman who has been through an unnecessarily harsh breakup will be suspicious and aggressively defensive, susceptible to every radfem meme and idea that comes along, and throwing up massive ASD and LMR. I can't entirely hold them blameless for this.
  • Your long-term peace of mind is the most valuable legacy you create with your day-to-day actions. I'm not challenging that sexual strategy is amoral, but reflecting on over 30 years of experience. Every "bad" breakup I've had disturbs my inner peace; not pathologically but in measure of the unnecessary pain I caused another. I wish I didn't rack up bad breakups unnecessarily before even realizing this impact would surface later.

The Camping Rule and applying it to relationships. For generations, young campers have been taught by their elders to always leave the place in better condition than you found it. The concept is often used in reference to relationships; someone asked for details in a recent thread so here we go.

  • Bad habits diminished or extinguished with a healthy push-pull of intermittent reward of good and certain negative reinforcement of bad behaviors, plus leading with a good Captain example.
  • Better diet; better and more fit body, again through leading by example.
  • Harbors fewer misconceptions of reality. Many "deeply held misinformation" that people harbor has simply never been meaningfully challenged and only comes from facebook memes. Carefully measured ridicule of stupid ideas, and offering practical examples of better ones can make an effortless change in the long-term outlook of people you are close to. Hello and goodbye, radical feminism.
  • Better relationship skills acquired through your example. She'll appreciate you forever if you bust her out of a pattern of unhappy relationships, and it's hard not to feel pride about genuinely improving someone's life. I'm glad if everyone I've been with gains healthier self-image and self-esteem from their experience with me. Everyone complains about the wreckage of broken families, poor upbringing, and dysfunctional relationships; here's a way to actually do something about it, while having sex along the way.

Better breakups for a healthy dating pool. Doing the long fade and making her wonder and worry for an extended time is a time-honored but weak and destructive way to go. If you're fucking like a champ, learn to break up like a champ. Rip the band-aid off decisively, yet with compassion. Do it in person, over text or phone is a classic dick move. Avoid stupid cliches like, "It's not you, it's me." That's weak sauce and will hurt and work against you more than gentle but firm sincerity.

  • No-fault breakup #1 choice. When she hasn't done anything wrong, use a gentle speech about how you think your destinies are different and she deserves a man who can give her 100%, which you apologetically but firmly cannot at this time. If you consider her a replate candidate, mention once that she's a really awesome woman and you'd love to keep seeing her, but you "don't want to be unfair." Downgrade to plate seldom happens on the spot, there has to be a reset period apart, which might be days or years.
  • Last straw A precipitating event, such as an annoying habit or recurring infraction that you've talked about and offered chances for correction, yet in and of itself seems petty to the outside observer. Go cool but not silent for a day or two (no less or more), then initiate #1 as above.
  • Punishable infraction Initiate the breakup on the spot; try to turn it amicable and proceed similarly to #1 once she admits fault, without offering replating. This has the greatest chance of extinguishing the offensive behavior in her for posterity, and you might be seeing her reformed posterior again in the future.
  • Called bluff If she's the argumentative type, she's liable to threaten to break up or tell you to like it or leave. Call the bluff and say okay; withdraw from the scene, go radio silent for days, then only consider answering 5:1 instead of the usual 2:1, if at all. If you have to blatantly provoke an incident, you're doing it wrong.
  • Full Beta (eta) Shift your behavior to supplicating and sappy to make her lose her tingles and decide for herself that she's not attracted and wants to walk away with her dignity intact. Slow, inherently manipulative, and may backfire because some women want to turn their man beta once captured. However, there are circumstances where this is the most expedient option, notably the Tom Leykis Hail Mary.

There are 50 million ways to leave your lover; if you make the slight effort to choose the best one for the situation at hand, it makes the social and sexual landscape much better for all of us men. Harsh or cavalier dumping may be expedient in the moment, but the long-term consequences make it worth doing our best as men even in the potentially ignoble moment of breaking up.


Like the camping rule, men collectively taking good care of the shared resource of single women indirectly but profoundly improves our own dating social landscape, and prevents a Tragedy of the Pussy Commons. The effort required isn't really more, just different.

[2 Comments]
Verbal Judo: An important part of every man's mental toolbox
Published 09/29/18 by MentORPHEUS [4 Comments]

In the game of social hierarchy, the ones who rise to Alpha positions are the ones who can best understand and lead other individuals and groups. It is usually the outcome of conflicts that cements peoples' positions in the hierarchy, so strong verbal skills are important.

VERBAL JUDO turns the force of attackers against themselves, as opposed to attacking back. You'll need it most for nondisposable relationships like family, bosses, colleagues, etc.

This post is an introduction to the concepts of Verbal Judo, and how to apply it in situations that can make or break your position in a given group's pecking order. For those who have wondered, "How can I become more Alpha, without becoming that asshole? this might be part of the answer. Verbal Judo has some elements in common with persuasion, but unlike persuasion, ideally seeks a state of mutual equilibrium rather than dominance or complete position conversion.


Verbal Judo Theory

Communication has many layers. Whether it's a shit test like "You always want sex!" or a Mother-in-law who whines, "You never visit!", there is more to the message than just the words, or even the body language.

  • Status of each participant Communication can happen within a dominant/submissive frame, such as parent/child, boss/employee, officer/enlistee etc, or within a nominally equal frame, such as co-workers, colleagues, siblings, some couples, etc. Healthy unequal power dynamic relationships include Captain/First Mate model relationships, Management/employees, and military ranks. Unhealthy ones include a mother-in-law who treats you and your wife like children, a coercive "friend," and an insubordinate employee or soldier. Trying to outright flip a relationship of unequals may result in resistance and a needlessly costly battle. Though it might seem counterintuitive to the aspiring Alpha, sometimes the best social option is to approach these situations more from a position of nominal equals.
  • Mode of communication Linguistics professor Virginia Satir identified five major communication styles: Blamer, Placater, Computer, Distractor, and Leveler. Recognizing the type an adversary is using allows you to calibrate your response accordingly. For example, if your boss is in blaming mode and you really need to level with him to resolve the problem, you might have to respond in placater or computer mode until he calms down enough to speak level, as closer to nominal equals. Also, consider the loop of two Placaters trying to decide where to go for lunch, or the chaos of an office full of female Distractors tasked with working together on an important project.
  • Tone and inflection The same words can have different meanings or intensity when uttered with lazy passivity or stern aggression. Verbal Judo seldom recommends being the loudest or more aggressive voice. Try this: the more loud and agitated the other party becomes, the softer and calmer you become. This REALLY pisses angry people off, where a yelling match would actually satisfy them.
  • Body Language This is an important communication channel worthy of its own post. Body language is usually involuntary, and when there is a discrepancy between a person's words and their body language, the body language is usually correct. Assuming a nominally equal body language can prevent or help break an unproductive pattern of dominance/submission. Examples at the personal level include rising to shake someone's hand eye-to-eye, and on the international level holding meetings at a round table to eliminate implied superiority of any individual. Judo suggests that bending to or pivoting away from these power plays is often a better option than attempting to assume the dominant role, which frankly isn't always ours to grab in every situation.
  • Presuppostions A seemingly simple sentence can have a freight of presuppositions loaded into it. These might be the dogma of political parties, feminism, even a dash of Disney storylines. Manipulative people effortlessly dish out communication loaded with presuppositions which are veiled attacks, and if you take the bait and respond to the presupposition, you've gone into their frame and lost the debate in the eyes of everyone present, sometimes not even realizing the extent of what happened. These presuppositions tend to fall into a few common patterns that are easy to learn to recognize and maneuver correctly.

Patterns of attack

Common attack patterns include, "Even YOU should...", "A person who...", and "If you REALLY..." Let's consider the above example, an LTR arguing, "You ALWAYS want sex!" This seemingly simple statement is actually loaded with presuppositions.

  • 1 You never want anything else BESIDES sex from me
  • 2 There is an amount of sex that is too much at present and you're over that arbitrary line
  • 3 It is somehow wrong of you to want sex from me too often
  • 4 You should feel bad that you want too much sex from me.
  • 5 I feel bad/threatened/etc about this situation

The average person is liable to viscerally respond to the attack and shaming of presuppostion #3/4, and proceed to argue against #1, citing examples of other things they've done as a couple as she shoots them each down, because he failed to address #5. Or, he might passively agree and reduce his demands for sex, worsening the relationship problem in the process.

Assuming this is a baseless shit or comfort test (as opposed to a legitimate complaint), the better Verbal Judo response would be to recognize and NOT accept/display any of the presumed shame of #3/4, or step onto the treadmill of arguing 1/2. Rather, figure out a way to address #5 from within YOUR frame, without falling 100% into hers. Rather than attack back, one could agree she sounds upset about it and solicit a solution as the first move, agree and amplify (carefully), agree and deflect (You BET I love sex with you, but you're not getting any until we [do something she wants but was NOT expecting]). Proficiency at Verbal Judo comes from not only recognizing veiled attacks by their patterns and understanding the nested presuppostions, but responding to them in a way that plays out and exhausts the strength of the attack, rather than clashing with it head-on with certain escalation and collateral damage.


Useful skills for Verbal Judo

Assertiveness Instead of the usual pattern of being passive OR aggressive, an assertive person states his own position while accounting for and respecting the position and interests of the other party. Rather than seeing every human transaction as a zero-sum game where one must lose for another to win, assertiveness seeks win-win situations, which in the long term, can confer higher and more stable social status than aggressive self-interest.

Situational awareness Just as fighting martial arts teach the importance of being aware of your surroundings, Verbal Judo is enhanced by being able to quickly and accurately spot and understand the power structures in a given social situation or landscape. Be observant, and always strive to improve at reading individuals and groups.

Command Voice Like that of a commanding officer. Firm, solid, makes people MOVE without delay or debate. Also, the sense to know when to use this, which is almost never. Much of its power in civilian social life is in the surprise factor.

Stoic, unflappable frame. Don't let others affect your mood or emotions, especially noticibly! Manipulative people tend to be excellent at spotting subtle cues that they're affecting your frame; if you cut off this feedback entirely, it frustrates their efforts.

Fogging This is the technique of nominally agreeing with accusations made against you in an argument, rather than fighting them. The effect is like swinging fists into fog and never making solid contact, which can exhaust and de-escalate an argument. Using the Mother-In-Law example from above:

"You never visit." Now that you mention it, we haven't gotten out there much this year.

"It's like you don't even care about me!" I can see how that might leave you feeling neglected.

Your intended adversary will expend all of their energy and expunge their frustration while you noncommitally agree with them, leaving their argument flattened, their concerns voiced, and the door now open to discuss the matter in terms of your mutual interests, and for you to draw the situation all the way back into your frame without resistance or rancor.


Conclusion Verbal Judo helps establish and maintain a better place in the social pecking order without relegating either party to the extremes of passive and aggressive.

  • Usually an Alpha is the oak, but when circumstances dictate he bend like a reed, Verbal Judo helps maintain frame even with openly manipulative people.
  • Communication has many levels besides the verbal.
  • Parse the presuppositions out of arguments; if you mistakenly respond to one of these, you'll lose.

To learn more I strongly recommend the early editions of The gentle art of verbal self-defense

by neurolinguist Suzette Elgin. (Like Dale Carnegie's work, there are

myriad later editions of this work, some of which are cheap

bastardizations for a more general readership. The original goes into

deeper technical detail at a slight expense of readability.) This book

lays out and dissects the eight most common verbal attack patterns, as

well as presuppositions and the perils of responding to the incorrect

ones.

[4 Comments]
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