@AFTSOV

Are you saying you mislead the girl into thinking you're in an LTR while you yourself search for more girls to fuck?

To answer your question , no. What I did was that I forced myself to tell this girl that I’ll never be in relationship with her no matter what, just to be coherent with my interpretation of plate theory. I understood plate theory as never being monogamous or more literally , "as never wanting to be monogamous " even if I feel for her or even if things are going good.

Now that I think , a mature human would interpret plate theory as "just having a boundary with your partner that if things don’t work out , there’s a chance we might break it off " Which at that time I thought I’d pretty self evident so might not be what plate theory is but I guess there are people who commit blindly and rollo was talking to them. And i took it to heart to apply this to never be hurt , always be safe which led me to walk on eggshells and made me pretty neurotic as you can see from my post history on here. I’m actually on this forum after a pretty long break from trp. I knew back then that I am interpreting trp in a wrong way but I had to take some time off of it to realise that

@AFTSOV there’s this girl fwb with me , she’s been in love with me , i made it clear it wasn’t gonna happen but we kept fucking. Looking at this I’m a fucking douche cause I manipulated her (although she still chose to fuck me although with a sense of hope I might reciprocate the love). Now I have feelings for her and in the past when I tried hard not to catch feelings and at the same time getting my nut off , i rationalised my behaviour by saying , I’m keeping it non exclusive (fwb) thinking non exclusive meant to never even consider committing. Now that I’ve been sane lately I got into thinking why would you ever want to spend time w someone whom you won’t even consider a potential ltr.

Maybe what trp means is don’t blindly commit for forever. I hope this is what trp is before if not then that justifies my superficial , manipulative behaviour.

I’ve had this phase some time in the past where a huge chunk of my daily thoughts weren’t occupied by the desire for opposite sex. It was a liberating feeling. Everything I did throughout the day, all my actions weren’t biased with subconscious desire as to "how is it impacting my chances with girls , how is it making me a more desirable man." And now I’m needy. I seek for validation , it’s such a debilitating behaviour I’m a fucking attention seeking manwhore. If I have work to do and I know I can do it sitting in the corner of my room and minding my business but nooo, I have to go the library cause that’s where you’re supposed to study, not really though , I’m just seeking validation. I wonder how to get that charisma back. Back then I didn’t give a flying fuck. I felt the essence of what it’s like to be an alpha Buddha

It could be the changing of external environments ,as back then I was at home isolated , reading and lifting and that’s all so it might’ve been easy to focus. But now I’m surrounded by all these distractions and instant gratification at college.

Maybe I just need to try harder.