Lmaoo dude this makes me feel so much better. I agree with you on the outcome independence. It also gets real easy to play the outcome independence game when you’re talking to multiple women, but when your down to zit, oooooooo boy does it get tough. Like to the point were I was entertaining the idea of getting back with an ex.
So pretty much assertiveness can be seen as negotiating or compromising so that both ends get what they desire, without being angry/frustrated?
@Aging-Chad I found RP a few years back when I left my first girlfriend. I read the rational male a few times back then. Yes, the rage phase lasted for years and only recently has become the acceptance phase (still quite painful to believe). I feel like the correct answer is that they are better felt than heard.
Philosophically, Idk man. I’m sort of lost again at this point. What I do know is that I found myself slipping into cringey beta tendencies towards the end of this past relationship I had and even at this point now. I feel as though it was time to come back and stay this time in this community.
@Jesterful I too was a people pleaser till my early 20s. Women do not find this a sexually attractive trait in men, and my love life reflected this. Some struggle with the question "How do I become less passive and more aggressive without becoming 'that asshole?'" The answer to me lies in studying and practicing assertiveness, which puts one's own wants and needs out on the table while respecting those of others. While a more authoritarian stance has its place, having assertiveness in your leadership toolbox becomes helpful in both work and personal life when building teams, coalitions, tribes, partnerships etc. This leads to social proof and connections in the dating arena as a trailing effect. This blog post I wrote about assertiveness is a good place to start. www.trp.red/p/vermillionmanmarch/300
Don't think of yourself as less-than on things you can change like fitness and behavior; put the energy into working on change and improvement, and no energy into thinking about things you can't change like skin color. When you're on your mission, in good shape and fit, and gain recognition and respect from the men around you, you'll find that abstractions like "confidence" and "thinking about how to get/manage chicks" aren't stuff you sit around maundering about; they just happen.
Read More@MentORPHEUS Very well man.
Moved back in with my mother this month. I work in IT make 48K, going to get bumped up soon. My goal is to make enough to move back out again, maybe move somewhere in California, or anywhere a brown skin man as more of an opportunity to get with women. I hope my job stays remote so I can move about and try out different areas. I’m also looking to become the strongest I can be without steroids, they wreck your hair (I love mine most of the times) from what I hear, currently taking fin to offset it. Aside from that I picked up guitar again, trying to use that as a distraction to stop thinking about chicks and find another avenue to bring joy into my life. Another goal of mine would be to have unwavering confidence. I’m a people pleaser at times, especially towards the women in my life, so that’s also something I’d like to change.
Read More@Jesterful OK the detail is useful, but write what you feel comfortable with in public here, and let others learn and benefit from the discussion as well.
I offer my time and attention for free. Using it to help one person privately instead of many readers publicly offers a man less of nothing in return for it.
@Jesterful How old are you? How are your career/housing going? What are your mission and goals looking forward?
Hey guys, been down spiraling since I left my ex. How can I get better?