@Kt1910

My core belief is that i'm a worthless piece of shit

Start with dismantling the statistic. Recall a situation in which this wasn't true. If it is possible to have different beliefs once, it's possible to have them twice. If it's possible twice, it's possible 10 times. And so on.

The key is to gradually remove any weight and importance to your bad interactions/beliefs and instead gradually assign more to the positive ones.

I masturbate when depressed

Then stop. Orgasm deprives men from the drive, the sharpness, the energy. Especially the one where no actual sex happened. There was a study where it was shown body can indeed tell the difference.

I tried

How long each? What were the changes?

ECT

Not anything I know about, but it's doubtfull. Most people who fail multiple times fail b/c they self sabotage, give up, set too high expectations too fast, don't chunk it down or get overwhelmed by the amount of work and apparent (but not actual) complexity of the tak ahead.

my fdup brain/personality?

Another thing that's probably incorrect. For the most cases, it's the behaviours not a broken brain. IOW correct the behaviours instead of assigning the blame to faulty personality. A dog that barks too much doesn't bark too much b/c of broken brain but b/c nobody corrected the behaviour and it got habitual.

@JamesSkepp I said that i was an outcast since i was 5 because i wasn't welcomed to play with kids my age and i was bullied for my apparence everyday for years. A big part of me believes i'm a looser and i don't know what to do to reverse this. I tried martial art, bodybuilding and calisthenics , took cold showers , read 30 pages a day, tried to apply NMMNG activities and i'm aware shit tests ,game etc but i didn't seem to progress at all and confronting real life situations i'm literally the same i was as a kid. My core belief is that i'm a worthless piece of shit but at the same time i have a big ego which i read is common in low value males. I have a mental illness (s) too. I masturbate when depressed , maybe once a week and i've never smoked a cigarette in my life which is common with nice guys. I have two jobs and i go to college but nothing changed. Could an ECT or something like that reverse my fdup brain/personality?

@Kt1910

1. Are you hitting the gym or at least do some other physical activity? Are you overeating junk food? Chronic masturbation? Drug use?

2. Have you considered that the reason for your problems is you yourself, namely the "self fulfilling phrophecy" process? You believe you are a loser so you subconsciously make your mind and body display loser bahaviours and mindsets?

3. This:

it's been like this since i was 5 or so

Is simply not true. You think that is the case, but it's retroactive rationalisation to fit the "im a loser" narrative. The reason it's not true is that most people remember jackshit from being 5yo and you just happen to remember how other people reacted 5yo low self esteem kid, which is suspiciously large amount of things to remember for a 5yo.

1. TRP is full of guys reversing their lives into absolute chad lifestyle, especially when it comes to women. The statistical possibility of you not being able to do that b/c of being a special snowflake (1 in a million brain deficiency or some other lottery chance level reasons) is almost ZERO. IOW you're gonna be fine just take a breather and work out a plan.