Someone recently asked me about jealousy and here is my response.

I consider jealousy to be among the biggest red flags there is in dating.

If I feel jealous, which has been extremely rare for me, I end the relationship. Unless it is a fleeting feeling that comes and goes for 5 minutes or so and never comes back, I listen to and trust my instincts.

There are only a few explanations for this feeling. Either,

• She is purposely trying to make you feel jealous. One must NEVER tolerate such games, even in a casual relationship. And a man should certainly never purposely make a woman feel this way either - it goes both ways. That old advice about making a man jealous to bring him closer is evil and wrong.

• She is unaware that she is doing things that led to these feelings. If so, then it is her basic nature and it will like never end. Perhaps she is unaware of what proper boundaries look like in a committed relationship, or perhaps she has a different view. Either way, it's not a good fit. If you express this to her, she just may change in the short run to keep you around, but the issue will raise its ugly head again sooner or later. She will also likely label you in her mind as either controlling or insecure, depending on how you handle it

• She is not doing anything “wrong” at all, and you are jealous anyway. If she is NOT the one making you feel this way, and you have no good reason to be jealous, then it is YOU who is the problem. You are either incapable of handling any relationship at the moment, or you are not a fit for this particular woman. Maybe she is simply beautiful and gets a lot of attention and you feel threatened. Whatever the reason, the problem is YOU.

So no matter the scenario, the relationship should end right there, before real long term emotional damage is inflicted.

Unfortunately, there are usually few clues that this may be an issue, until there IS an issue. But one can find hints, especially in a dating profile or in early dates. For example, when a woman says "I don't like jealous/insecure/controlling men" This is very telling.

When a woman mentions anything about jealousy it can be a HUGE red flag. Women who experience jealous men in multiple relationships tend to have loose boundaries - or they are straight up cheaters or players.

We say more about ourselves with such statements than we may realize. It is like when a woman says “I am tired of losers” or “I am done with players,” she is telegraphing the fact that she has dated almost exclusively losers and players until now and she regrets it. She just may not realize that this is the message she is inadvertently communicating - whether this is true or not, it is a reasonable assumption and good men steer clear of such women.

Conversely, any man who would be jealous of a good woman is a probably a damaged man, or he is simply not ready for a serious relationship. Why would a man be jealous if his woman were being completely above board? If she is not keeping orbiters around in the background, and she not lie, cheat, party a lot, flirt, or work in a very male-dominated field, then why would her man be jealous?

Another issue is the insecure vs. controlling conversation.

Controlling is not something a man should be or do. It is a sign of weakness in my view. On the other hand, I have felt insecure in relationships before – not insecure in MYSELF, but about her and us together, and insecure about the future. This is an important distinction to make. This is also important because once you start thinking about marriage; literally your whole life is on the line. So there is good reason to experience huge caution in those moments.

At any rate, controlling and insecurity are not often found together. Controlling is an aggressive take on the situation, whereas expressing insecurity is borderline passive.

No matter the woman or the circumstances, if you hear or read this sort of language, you should see these as warnings, not complaints.

Conclusion

Jealousy is the easiest canary-in-a-coalmine indicator of trouble there is. Most people who have experienced jealousy never want to feel that way again. So don't! If you feel serious jealousy, end that relationship ASAP, because either:

• You have NO reason to feel that way, which means that you are not emotionally equipped to handle a relationship at that time. Besides, why torture someone you claim to love with jealous feelings? That would be cruel and unfair to her; or

• You DO have good reason to feel that way, which means she does not respect you or the relationship, or she simply has no clue how to maintain healthy appropriate boundaries.

So if you ever feel jealous, it is a signal that the end is near - no matter the cause. It is up to you to have the courage to leave before it festers. No insecurity, no controlling, just calm rational decision making. Better yet, why not be assertive and let your woman know this up front, so she knows who she is dealing with. Tell her you are not the jealous type, not insecure, and not controlling, so if you ever feel that way, you will walk away immediately. I have done this and it works.

Jealousy is among the most toxic horrible feelings a person can feel, and there should be no room for it in a loving, wholesome, committed relationship. It is either you or her – but either way, it is a bad sign that usually does not end well.

Tip deeplydisturbed for their post.