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mattyanon's musings
How To Be One Charming Motherfucker
Published 04/18/17 by mattyanon [1 Comments]

Charm is universally applicable and it can be learned, here's how.

This post is primarily about how to be a charming man for the purposes of persuading pretty female things to press their girl bits against your boy bits.

This is partly in response to the following article: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/65zuu... archived here: http://archive.is/GRNFd

Don't overdo the listening

Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People) and many others advocate listening intensely and closely to people. Unfortunately a lot of advice out there is persuading you to be what the author wants you to be rather than what's best for you. Your parents almost certainly first started doing this.

MattyAnon however is only interested in the truth and what works, so here you have it. Everything I know about charm thus far: the good the bad and the perverted. Maybe not the perverted bit. Well, a little bit ...

So as regards listening: yes but only up to a point. Do not overdo being the good listener. If you're listening you are being dominated and you are supplicating. You are giving your attention. Put a price on this, don't give it for free. Don't let people who don't reciprocate with their own attention just dominate and talk over you while you listen. Women love to do this. Don't let them, they don't respect it. If you talk she should eagerly stop talking and listen. Otherwise be prepared to remove your attention like yanking the rug from underneath her if she starts to bullshit you or not let you talk.

I've been the dutiful listener. I've tried that. What Carnegie and no-one else mentions is that people use listeners to offload their bullshit, feel validated that someone cares about the shit they are saying, and that they often have ZERO respect for the person listening. Learn to listen, learn to actively-listen (repeat snippets to show you're paying attention), but don't fall into the trap of being a sponge for people to spout off into.

So don't just be a good listener. Be a good talker too. Be STRONG (more info below). If you listen too much, she'll eventually start to either talk shit or try and get her bullshit past you. Keep your wits about you and listen to her point but don't agree to any bullshit. Periodically challenge her on stuff, disagree, stand up to her points, have your own fucking opinion. Manufacture things to disagree with if you find yourself agreeing with her too much. Women respect strength more than anything else on earth. For women, respect and attraction are very closely linked, so keep their respect.

Take yourself out of the conversation??

Fuck no, this is bullshit. DO NOT TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. You are not a free counselling and bullshit absorption service. (See below on non-needy though)

Make her feel great about herself??

No, this is not what you should be doing. You should make her feel accepted, liked, and in the presence of a strong and attractive and sexual man. Making her feel great about herself is just inflating her Instagram-fueled ego. You should give her acceptance for her real self, not making her feel great about who she is or claims to be. Chances are she shouldn't feel great about herself and deep down she knows it. Someone telling her how great she is flies in the face of how great she knows she isn't. If she DOES have genuine reason to feel great about herself, she won't need your help doing it.

> “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman.”

And who does she want to fuck... the guy who makes her feel like she's the superior one, or the guy who is clearly cleverer than she is? (Hint for newbies: women fuck up). But do try to keep your intelligence situationally relevant.

> In conversation, take the mindset that you don’t matter, your whole goal in the conversation is to make the person you’re talking to feel good.

Yes sure... if you want to be her orbiter. Go on, make her feel like a princess. She where that gets you. Everyone here on the manosphere knows exactly how well this particular strategy works. Men have moved on from pedestaling women.

So after what-to-avoid, on to the meat of this post, ie getting her to want your meat:


1. Be attractive, you gorgeous Greek sculpture of a man

Be as physically attractive as you can. The halo effect is real, give yourself a head start. Endless info elsewhere about this.

Be as outgoing and confident as you can. Eye contact. Lots of eye contact. Smile at her like you like her (even before you know you do - you can change your mind later). Have your own opinions and be firm in them. Be sexual, be dirty, be controversial, be absolutely unapologetic. Go far enough to invite shit tests then shrug as if they don't exist. Court a little controversy.

Be happy in yourself. Be honest about who you are (but do put a positive spin on it!) Flirt with all the girls. Smile, eye contact. Ignore anything where they indicate any disinterest.

2. Be strong, you buff confident man (no homo)

Physically yes (although I believe low bodyfat and slim face is most important). But most of all: mentally/emotionally. Don't fall into the traps (shit tests) of others. Don't agree just to get them to like you (weak). Women appreciate premature rapport as much as they appreciate premature ejaculation.

What is strength vs weakness? I don't have a good definition (please someone chip in with one). Mostly strength seems to be "behaving as if you are in a strong negotiating position" and weakness is "behaving as if you are in a weak position". Being in a good negotiating position: having other options, not needing this thing right-here-right-now to work in any particular way, I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck attitude, indifference [to negatives especially], assuming she likes you, being prepared to walk away.

Partly she will infer your strength (and attractiveness) from what she sees, and partly from your behaviour. So give her both. Convey options by letting her see you flirt with other girls, attractiveness by letting her see whatever good features you have. Convey attractiveness and strength through your behaviour with non-neediness, outcome indifference, not supplicating or agreeing with her too much. She wants a man, not a puppy. Unless she's a furry. Avoid furries, unless you want to spend the night dressed as a puppy. That's okay if you do, no judgement here. But be a man meanwhile.

From an emotional-conversation point of view, strength means not getting lost in the opinions of others (including their opinions of you). Not being swayed. Not agreeing. Overtly disagreeing sometimes. Being unreactive to what happens. Being your own person.

Strength makes a girl feel safe. Even if you're slightly dangerous (and you should try to cultivate the impression that you are), she feels safe with a man she can't sway or control. You are the rock in the storm below the bridge that you burned, to mix an analogy or three.

3. Be non-needy, you delicious slice of man meat (still no homo)

Don't need a god damned thing from anyone else. Nothing. Don't try and get anything from anyone. No validation, no emotional response, no appreciation, no compliments, no thanks, nothing. Don't need these things, don't try and get these things, don't manoeuvre the conversation to get these things. Don't complain about anything they do. Never show any form of neediness. (Obviously avoid shitty people, do tell people what to do and what not to do if they fuck up, do maintain boundaries).

If the above is hard for you, either take the view "my needs are my problem and I won't impose them on others" or "other people in my life supply my needs and I have it all sorted, I don't need anything from the person in front of me". Whatever you do, don't try and get any validation from people. Validation is a worthless distraction.

What you're aiming for with people is a fun conversation for you BOTH. If you're having fun, others will be drawn into it. This is much better than false validation anyway.

Obviously never big yourself up. No humble bragging. No overt bragging. Mystery is more attractive. Women disbelieve all attempts to show off, instead interpreting it as trying to impress her, therefore putting you below her rather than where you should be - on top of her (both metaphorically and physically).

Care nothing for whether people like you are not. Or appear to not care. Engage just the same with people who you suspect dislike you. Some will come around. Some won't.

4. LIKE people, you sexy privileged shitlord hunk of manflesh (probably no homo, but you're starting to get very appealing)

Like people. Engage with them, laugh at their jokes (if funny) or say "that's not funny" if not. Don't blank people even unintentionally (unless they are giving you very high bullshit levels). Inadvertent blanking of people causes deep offence. People would rather be insulted than ignored. People inadvertently blank each other all the time, and it causes no good for anyone. It's the nuclear option - keep it in your back pocket and rarely use it. Meanwhile aim to not blank people even accidentally.

Throw shit tests her way and credit her for a good response. Laugh at her tests and credit her with doing it well. Don't take it seriously. Show a little appreciation of people, say what you like about them or something they do. No false flattery. Appreciation rather than compliments.

I have had experiences where a few sentences of genuine appreciation for a guy has made instant friendship. Women are different - you have to show strength and attractiveness for the appreciation to be well received. Who is doing the appreciating REALLY matters to women, so get attraction in place first.

Like people for who they are, accept people. You do you, they do them. Don't try and change them.

You want to carry yourself as if everyone always likes you, you like people, and the world just works and revolves around you and it's all easy. This is how your world works, and why wouldn't it? Women find this very attractive, and the reverse abhorrent.

Liking means non judgemental. Accepting. You're here to have fun, not judge people. Don't overtly judge anyone. This elicits more truth from them. Definitely choose who you want to be with though. You are aiming for accepting-and-choosing rather than judging-and-controlling.

Oh.... and always deny being charming. The point is that all this comes naturally to you, you have no need to even know what the word means.

4a. Aligned Interests (taking a break from the no homo comments)

You both want the same thing. You're on the same page. Or you've created a common enemy - someone on the outside of your instant two-way clique. This makes people feel like you're fighting the same battle. Trying to get the same things out of life or a situation. You are on their side.

4b. Someone to look up to (don't worry, the homo jokes will be back)

Sometimes people like me because I embody something they want to believe in. Even when it's of no benefit to them, they really like that I represent... perhaps.... the possible. People hear and read about success, but meeting and knowing someone who embodies some aspect of it is very appealing. Do they want a little reflected glory? Someone to lead the way? Perhaps, but it feels more like they need someone to believe in. Something to believe in. Someone to prove what can be done. If you're in this situation don't undermine it by belittling yourself or your achievements or them, just modestly accept it and go with it.

Conversely any success will breed jealousy and haters. You should join in with them and provide as much fuel for their fire as possible. They'll appreciate you for it. You can't charm them all this way, but you can some ...

5. Putting it all together you strong charming motherfucker (ok, I'm definitely sounding a bit homo now)

Charm is power plus liking them plus positivity plus indifference to negatives. Charm is being their super big powerful older brother - you own the world, you like them, you tease them, you have their back, you enjoy their company.

A woman describes a man who shows he likes her as charming.... IF he is also strong and attractive. If a man indicates liking but isn't strong and attractive, he's not charming he's a creepy loser. Charm is the perfect combination of attraction and comfort.

Charm = attractiveness and strength plus liking the person you are speaking to.

Shit tests and glitches

The classic shit test response to men being charming is "I bet you say that to all the girls" or similar. This is an apparent comfort test and it seems to mean "I like what you are saying but I want to know this isn't a line that you say to everyone, I want to know that I'm as special to you as I feel I am right now". The worst thing you can do at this point is reassure her that she's the only one, and put yourself firmly into the scarcity beta category of supplicating loser. Just say "only the pretty ones" (reword yourself obviously) - she still feels special but without closing down your options.

Now you know it, act on it

Charm = interest + attraction.

Creepy = interest + no attraction.

What can we do with this knowledge? Well obviously "be seen to be attractive before showing appreciation". But also use this to detect a woman's attraction/respect for you. Show some appreciation. Well received or not? You'll get MORE interest from girls who are attracted and LESS interest from girls who are not. Polarising is a double win. The more overt and sexual, the stronger this works. "You are intelligent and genuine" will be appreciated by most, "nice rack" is a touch more divisive...

Having a charming conversation you sexy beast

Do not fucking start with "how are you". Urgh. It's AWFUL. What you're really saying is "please do the conversation for me while I pretend to care". I know people who will ask this SEVERAL TIMES because they have nothing else to say. Weak as fuck.

Start by saying something about YOU that others can relate to. If you don't know them, don't ask how they are. If you do know them, also don't ask how they are. Just start by talking about YOU. It's easier for them, it's better for you. It's more masculine. It gives them a starting point. Literally start with something topical and recent. "I nearly ran over a chihuahua on the way here... little fucker ran out into the road. Fortunately I swerved and got its puppies instead". Just start talking. It works. But then transition into a two way fun conversation. And that means avoiding facts.

After a few sentences you can ask them something SPECIFIC if you know them. "How's the new job at X treating you?" or "How was the transgender penis implant operation? Big success?".

Don't ask big/factual questions. Try to avoid their job as much as possible. "What do you do" is horrid. Their favourite icecream is better for a million reasons. Exaggerate things, it makes conversations a trillion times better (but not facts. keep facts straight or you look ridiculous). Be a bit larger than life. Be mysterious - leave lots of unanswered questions about what you do and when you do it. Don't be pinned down. Relationship status: "it's complicated". What are you doing this weekend: "rock climbing or a keg party". Where were you last night: "fuck knows". Keep your power, your truth, your options. Don't give them away. And certainly never listen to any woman who says "a real man would....".

The big secret of conversations is that you don't need to do all the work. Be charming and the other person will join in, or at least make it super easy for you.

Can I fake it?

A bit, yes. And you probably should. But it's best if as much of this is as genuine as possible. People know to test what you say and what you do. Incongruence feels weird. The easiest way to make it all work is that it's basically genuine. Aim to be on a path where this stuff is as genuine and easy as possible. It's easy to look non-needy if lots of girls like you. You might have to fake it if they don't yet. For most of us this stuff is genuine but we also need to know how to do it - how to convey it so that it works as intended.

Look at men (real or fictional) that are considered charming, or that you find charming. Look at how they do it. Some very different men are charming in apparently very different ways. As humans we feel things, but we don't know why we feel them. Hopefully now you have the inside information to see how all this works, see what they do, see how it's charming.


Charm = attractiveness + strength then showing you appreciate the girl for who she is.

Sources: TRP, The Charisma Myth, life.

A condensed version of this article is on Reddit / TRP.

1 tip given to mattyanon by the community for this post.
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Comment by TheUnsungHero on 10/06/18 02:29am

I remember reading this when it was first posted on reddit. Extremely well though out and articulated. I thought before that a combination of tempered IDAF and humorous attitude together with good eye contact can create a degree of charm. You make clear here the underlying insinuations of strength, non-neediness and a more natural state.