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Social Networking Without Social Media
Published 06/02/19 by nice_guy [0 Comments]

The people of today's world are subject to a radically new-world of social networking. Information is exchanged instantaneously on social media between strangers across vast distances, allowing them to functionally "socialize" or network socially. Moreover, the paradigm of social media has become so popular, so quickly, that newer generations are left with little opportunity to ponder the alternatives to social media when networking.

But not all people are comfortable or compatible with social media.

As far as TRP is concerned, many of its users are in these newer generations, and evidence of this problem manifests in a question commonly asked: How does one network without the use of social media?

Implicitly, a concern about meeting people underpins this dilemma. For if one cannot network intentionally, then one cannot meet others except accidentally. And since life is too short to leave social networking to the chance of accident, a clear philosophy of social networking must be established, distinct from social media. The endeavor of this blog post is to outline a general philosophy.

But first, a word of forbearance: Although this post is structured in a set-by-step manner, I cannot offer a step-by-step praxis or heuristic for social networking in particular situations. Instead, I offer a system of self-adaptation based on consciously realizing one's nature as an individual and relating it to their nature as a social animal.

Barring the esoteric academic terms used to describe these theories, I am using reductive common sense to convey a picture of a successful social life without social media. Then, by general analogy, I will explain how this life can be procedurally realized. Finally, I will briefly discuss the power of having self-value, and how that is the necessary starting point for social success. Hence I will not address any particular material circumstances in which one may be found. I cannot emphasize enough that the analogy in Part II describes an organic or natural heuristic, it is not a prescription. More will be said on this later. Also, and more importantly:

Basic social skills such as building rapport and approaching strangers is a skill or talent that I will assume you have already developed. It is not the central focus of this blog post, but rather is viewed as a prerequisite. If you have anxiety about basic socializing, then please refer to other TRP resources and start from there.

Part I: Forming Male Bonds

When forming a new social circle, an axiomatic, a priori, pre-requirement is that one must form bonds with fellow men. This is because having a male foundation allows for the social group expand to the inclusion of female counterparts and associates. You and your male-friends are both the firmament and the center of the universe, and the women who attach to the group are the temporal spheres. They both orbit the center, and are contained by the firmament.

This metaphor is not arbitrary. The celestial bodies are eternal, signifying the long-lasting abundance of social men. Women will come and go, but a genuine male friend will be someone you can rely on forever. Individually, you might have enough value to attract a woman, but collectively, a group of men have far more value and resources, thereby allowing them to attract more women. Group abundance is much more enduring than solo abundance.

It is better to be the omega in a group of virtuous men who will uplift you, than the alpha-tyrant of a pile of toxic losers.

All successful organizations are intentionally structured around employing group resources and value (i.e., intellect) as effectively as possible. Most group structures follow hierarchical, centralized command systems (see: corporations, militaries, fraternities, etc.). The best of these groups will have leadership that ensures the prosperity of all of its members, culminating in a symbiotic entity of positive individuals. But every man starts alone.

This brings us to the questions of actually meeting others.

Part II: Social Analogy -- "The Networking Cycle"

The process of meeting new friends will be explained here through analogy. The analogy is descriptive, which means that the process it describes is organic or naturally occurring. But moreover, the analog is useful in its own right for practical reasons outside of socializing.

Without further ado, allow me to introduce the (Intelligence Cycle)[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intelligence_cycle]. Please take a moment to generally familiarize yourself with the steps of the intelligence cycle, provided in the link above.

The intelligence cycle is a standardized model for dealing with information. My argument is that it is descriptive of human social heuristics by analogy. In other words, when people are socializing and forming social networks, they are (either consciously or unconsciously) following a path like the intelligence cycle. The type of intelligence or value that one is looking for when networking is called human intelligence, which is an apt name to describe the value of a worthy friend.

To reiterate: I cannot emphasize enough that the analogy in Part II describes an organic or natural heuristic. Now, let's proceed with the first step of what I will hereafter call, "the networking cycle".

Step 1: Determining Requirements

If your objective is to form a network of good friends, then you need to define exactly what "good friend" means. This step is concerned with establishing that definition. I will offer my own definition here with justification, but obviously the requirements are not the same for everyone. And although requirements are mostly constant, they can change depending on how one changes in their own life.

The requirements I place on friends are the following. They must have emotional stability, physical fitness (or a working desire to achieve physical fitness), and at least one well-developed skill or hobby.

I view emotional stability as the most important characteristic of a good or valuable friend; because emotional stability allows for the emergence of favorable traits such as interdependence, calmness, patience, optimism, empathy, and rationality. These are all traits that I attribute to someone dependable, trustworthy, and consistent, who will not sabotage or compromise the rest of the group. Emotionally stable individuals make good leaders and good followers alike, and they are not threatened by the successes of others. Instead, they support the success of others, even when they are being outshined.

Physical fitness is important because it is aesthetically pleasing and complimentary towards emotional stability. People are biased towards favoring fit individuals over unfit ones, so having fit friends in a group confers sociological benefits. Moreover, fit friends will encourage you to be fit yourself.

Skills and hobbies are important because they provide evidence that someone "exists" outside of their interactions with others. If someone knows how to cook well, this means that they have committed time to learning. Likewise for any other skill or hobby. Not only are skills and hobbies interesting and attractive, but they color the overall image of a person more vividly.

Generally speaking, I would rather have one good friend than ten shitty ones. Even if the shitty friends attract more women and can accumulate more resources in the short-run, the one quality friend will undoubtedly be more supportive of my life mission, which is more important than meeting women. Moreover, the "networking cycle" is equally applicable to the dating scene.

With these requirements stated, I encourage you to develop your own requirements based on the kinds of friends you would like to have. Once you have determined your requirements, proceed to Step 2 of the "networking cycle".

Step 2: Screening and Meeting

In this step, you will actually begin interacting with others in the world, and screening for possible friends based on the requirements established in Step 1. A keen eye is required, and sometimes a time-investment is necessary to ascertain of someone meets your requirements, or if instead they are simply pretending to.

But without social media, where do you meet like-minded people?

The answer is quite simple, literally anywhere. It depends on your requirements and your personal lifestyle. If you like to read, find people at the library who attend reading groups. If you workout a lot, then strike-up conversation with someone at the gym. If you have a job, try to look for co-workers that would make good friends. There is no "perfect" place to meet potential friends.

The secret to screening someone is to be a good interrogator, looking for evidence that they are the type of person you want to befriend. You needn't torture them for answers, but you do need to have a goal of discovering what makes them tick, and you need to be good at asking questions and listening.

For me, this means I look for signs of emotional stability and I probe for their skills and interests. If they seem like someone I would like to be friends with, I'll say, for example, "Hey man, I like rock climbing too. We should climb together some time," or, "I've never boxed before, where do you train?" Most people will be enthusiastic to have you participate in their world, because they want to show their own skills and because they like to see others try it out.

Alternatively, if you already have a friend group and you want someone to join, then simply invite them to your activities.

There are two important criteria for possible friends at this point: a) they must meet your requirements, and b) they must be willing to befriend you.

Not everybody will want to be your friend or want you to be part of their lives. This is okay. Rejection happens, but it will happen less often if you have a lot of value and common interests and personality traits. If they are not willing, then don't push it.

Now, once you meet a new friend, you will have to determine if they hold-up as someone who meets your requirements.

Step 3: Evaluation and Analysis

There have been times when I have befriended someone, only to realize a few weeks later that they are a real piece of shit. Alternatively, there are people that I have been questionable about, who have turned out to be very fascinating and amazing in the long-run. The purpose of Step 3 is to determine someone's true colors after establishing some familiarity.

In alternative language, this step could be called "re-screening", because the essential process is to determine if they still meet your requirements. Often, not enough of the information about someone is available until you get to know them better. So, the point of evaluating and analyzing your friends is to closely ensure that they are legitimately high value, or if they are pretending.

This step is fairly self-evident. The most important caveat about evaluating your friendships is to maintain a willingness to start from scratch. If, for example, you join a new group of friends, but it turns out they are all drug addicts or emotionally unstable, then you need to be willing to walk away. You don't owe them anything, and it is best to do these evaluations before you end up in a compromising situation.

A necessary part of evaluation is to share experiences with someone, the more diverse the experiences the better, because then you have a clear picture of how the individual responds to an array of situations.

If your evaluations are positive, then congratulations, you've made yourself a good friend.

Step 4: Rinse and Repeat

Continue networking and adding to your friend group. As you amass more and more high-quality friends, you will also encounter new opportunities and adventures.

Part III: Always Put #1 First

It should go without saying that it is easier to attract friends if you bolster your own value first. Thus, your priority should always be elevating your self-value, and your friendships should be based on a similar model of elevation. Namely, elevate your communication skills, fitness, career success, artistic endeavors, and emotional stability.

The more value you invest in yourself, the more others will wish to participate in that value. And if they are valuable friends, then they will not drain your value. Rather, a valuable friend will act as a force multiplier who improves your value as you improve his.

Indeed, genuinely excellent or virtuous people may be rare to find, but they are not difficult to befriend if you are coming from a place of excellence yourself. Thus, developing personal excellence is the necessary starting-point from which social networking begins.

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