As of this writing, I'm close to a year since I found and immediately embraced the red pill. I recognized and removed many beta tendencies from my mindset, communications, body language, etc. But I’m still a new convert. In my 40s, a late one. I have a longer track record of beta to unlearn than younger men.

Like most men, when I started lifting, implementing game, and killing my beta tendencies, I became more attractive to women. Six months ago, I met and started dating a girl. She fell in love with the new me. I marveled at how effective game worked on her even though I was still a beginner.

Alpha sex.

Early on, her affection and availability for me was typical of a woman who looks up to a man she sees as her SMV superior. I was her man. I led her, I flirted with her, I knocked her off the pedestal. Beta tells seeped through here and there, but not obvious ones.

She desired me. She eagerly made herself available for sex after a few dates and we enjoyed a fantastic sexual rapport. She thoroughly enjoyed it and participated enthusiastically.

Break.

We had an impasse after an incident where she flaked on me. I worked to enforce a boundary and did a poor job of it. And I let other beta tells bleed through. She immediately went cold. No replies to texts, no contact. I didn’t pursue her.

Although I made relationship mistakes, I used this opportunity to

• not take responsibility for her change of heart,
• refuse to apologize for my behavior through words or token gestures on her behalf,
• see if I could simply continue to live my life as I had and wonder if she would come back around.

After six weeks, her cold disposition thawed. Without groveling or apologizing, I acknowledged my mistakes. Though I maintained state control. She started texting again. We started flirting again. We incrementally worked back to what we had.

Our first intimate encounter post-reunion was an intense seesaw fool around and BJ session punctuated by her shit-testing me into an argument. I remained impassive and we both enjoyed the anxious intensity of the moment. Or so I thought.

Things progressed. We spent more time together. But after that first encounter, the chemistry immediately changed. What used to be passionate, extended kissing was now merely warm but brief.

Beta sex.

We eventually had sex again. She participated willingly, but not enthusiastically. As we fucked, she refused to surrender. She asserted control through her hips. She muttered, “don’t cum in me.” [fn. 1] It was brief and passionless.

This girl, who previously welcomed me with open arms, legs and heart, was desperate to keep me from inseminating her. She engaged in duty sex. I was bothered but I knew what had happened, thanks to the red pill.

She dated me as an alpha. She sensed beta. She broke up. I held frame and control. She came back around for a second try. [fn. 2] But when we reached the critical moment, her pussy defined me as beta and wanted nothing to do with me.

What did I do?

I texted her less and less. A week later during another half-date, she gave me a single, pleasant, two-second kiss. Then erected her familiar invisible wall between us. We went for a nice, friendly walk. But no intimacy. I was now her beta boyfriend. A place holder until someone else came along to be her alpha.

That night I wanted to dump her. But it was late and I wasn’t even sure what I was dumping. The next morning, I texted her and said that whatever the hell this was, it wasn’t a relationship, and I was done. Perhaps I should have done it in person. Oh well.

This made her very angry. By text she attributed her reluctance to me seeing other women. This was a convenient excuse because I had gone on dates after she dumped me. It doesn’t account for her lack of desire. I replied: “I want to be with a woman who wants to be with me. You don’t. It’s fine.”

We have a social circle where I still see her frequently. She has been intensely cold to me ever since. I found out she met a guy online a couple weeks after our breakup and fucked him with 10 minutes of meeting him in person. Two questions come to mind.

• Do we think she told him not to cum in her? My guess is no.
• Would she have refrained from seeking this other alpha male as long as I was filling the role of her beta (the quasi-orbiter/quasi-boyfriend)? My guess is no.

C’est la vie.

She lost desire. I wish she hadn’t. She did. It was on me to decide whether to settle for a woman who wanted to string me along. I refused. That’s all I did. Grateful to understand the desire dynamic. Grateful I refused to play the role of the chump even though I didn’t have another woman ready replace her.

Takeaways.

One. Seeing both sides of her confirmed much of what I’ve learned from red pill practice. As I made mistakes, she recalibrated her desire for me. [fn. 3]

Fortunately I could read the signs. They weren't that subtle.

Two. Keep-you-as-an-orbiter sex is worse than no sex. I pity any man who sticks with a woman who only gives him begrudging affection. The man feels like he is wronging her by expressing himself sexually with her. This wipes out every good feeling of intimacy and replaces them with guilt.

Third. I knew it was a waste to spend one second with her once it was clear she found me sexually repulsive. I did her a favor, but she resents me. She resents me in part because I was not only a beta disguised as an alpha, and because I dumped her instead of waiting pathetically for her to dump me.

Four. I'd rather have her hate me as an ex than like me with the sexual indifference reserved for an orbiter. We are still in the same social circle. I see her regularly and I use her vicious contempt as a test of my game. Every word she says toward me is laced with intense emotion. She reflexively says horrible things whenever we’re in the same group setting, regardless of who else is present. Sometimes I laugh it off and tease her, sometimes I return fire with vigor.

Five. She now sees me as someone who is unintimidated by her, willing to show it, and refuses to go along with her bullshit. That alone doesn’t generate attraction. But it is better than apologizing to her for anything.

Six. Take the loss. I dumped her and ignited some of her passion. But I still lost. I screwed things up. To strengthen my mindset, I must own my beta lapses, recognize them as best as possible, and correct them as I continue to make myself the best person I can be. [fn. 4]

Seven. She beta’d me. That doesn’t make her evil. It’s an AWALT reflex. Not only is it beyond my control, it’s usually beyond her control. I can’t negotiate my way back to alpha status with her. She didn’t have a grand plan to destroy me. She acted on instinct from start to finish.

Eight. The most alpha thing I could do is simply walk away.

Nine. When a woman tells you the truth, believe her. Her pussy never lied to me. It told me exactly where I stood and I accepted her pussy’s assessment of me at face value. Once it told me I wasn’t important to her, I stopped wasting my time seeking access.

Postscript. Since my original draft, she continued to provoke. Eventually she got her wish and we had a massive blowup. I lost state control. But by then it didn’t matter. I had already lost her weeks before and was simply tired of her repetitive provocations.

I exit with a feather in my cap. Of all the women who have dumped me, none has hated me as much as her. Most simply forgot I ever existed.

~~~~~~~

1. I didn’t. I never had. Previously I didn’t need to be told.

2. She is attractive for her age. But thanks to understanding female SMV by age, I knew she didn’t have a surfeit of other alpha males ready to replace me. I played this well by doing and saying nothing about it.

3. I’m aware of the covert contract of the red pill: If I make no red pill mistakes, it will guarantee that she’ll desire me. This is a fallacy, but it doesn’t impact my efforts. I must internalize the game for me, though it guarantees nothing.

4. Money, muscles, game, frame.