Login or Register
TRP.RED: Home | Blogs - Forums.RED: ALL | TheRedPill | RedPillWomen | AskTRP | thankTRP | OffTopic
TheRedLounge
The Force SJWakens - Or How To Ruin a Legacy In One Film
Published 04/06/16 by GimmeTheUsual [2 Comments]

There's an old saying that says "what you loved in your youth will be repackaged and resold to you without its soul". Its the cycle of many things, from the exploited Von Dutch brand to the all-female cast plunked into a classic 80's film. Each instance has the very core ripped out and recontextualized, packaged in the latest dichromic paint for all the newcomers to aww and ooh at. While at the same time, taking away anything that the original had, except in some visual elements and other unattributed influences.


I refuse to go to the movies anymore, and while that is my choice, and not necessarily yours, I'll leave that statement stand on its own. I don't mind waiting for the long silver reel of film (or more often now, high-density digital tapes) to be encoded and spewed out into the world as DVD's or Blu-Ray discs and digital streams. To that end, I had been holding off on seeing "The Force Awakens" for some time. I even managed not to see any spoilers, which took some effort on my part. Especially in this age of hyper-social "connectedness" (Read: unrestrained bragging and begging for validation) that infests the net like digital herpes.


Rather than go shot-by-shot, I'll tell you what stuck with me in a bad way. Sure, the familiar yellow-on-black text crawl was nice in addition to some other elements like the Millenium Falcon, but that is where the pleasant tale ends.


For one, I couldn't buy into the female protagonist "Rey". We're supposed to believe that she's some hard-scrubbing scavenger plumbing the depths of downed imperial destroyers with the ease of a seasoned spelunker, even to the point where she seems to be nesting in the hollowed out remains of an AT-AT walker. Her proficiency isn't balanced against, well, anything.


She's the rootin-tootin' tough bitch of the sands, and there's nobody that scares her or even makes her pause. Even the big dude handing out "portions" of reconstituted food didn't phase her. She's just got her perfect teeth in the middle of the badlands (I thought that only happened in B-Movies, actors with perfect tans and teeth during an apocalypse) and she's got all the RIGHT moves, ALL the time.


That was one that got to me with young Anakin in the other films, where he's the PERFECT pod racer and he can just build a fucking robot - toot sweet! Give me a goddamn break. I believe Anakin can ride on a pod racer at 300mph like I can believe Rey can fly the Falcon after looking at the controls for a few seconds. Its idiotic.


So, no big deal, she meets up with the big dumb man of the movie - which you can tell is "Finn" because he has to just stop "holding her hand" in times of danger (like that girl would do anything but comply in the real world, but I digress), miss "I-ain't-having-no-man-look-after-me" does her usual pedantic shit about how she "Don't need nobody" until it becomes clear that he's the only ticket out, then she concedes.


Getting out in the usual action-hero-fashion, except its all about "Super fly Rey" who can maneuver a ship she's never flown before at speeds that would kill mortals. This is where the bitter taste starts to set in. They're not going to let this movie be about anything else but fucking "Rey" being miss badass. I could tell it was coming, but when the tidal wave of stupid finally crested the mountains of rationality, I do admit being taken aback at the sheer pandering of it all.

It continues, in waves.


The goggled carrot-skinned female entrusting luke's lightsaber to Rey, the flashback-just-like-dagobah force nightmare Rey goes through, all of these things adding on the unbelievable (even in that universe) of things that she is to become. I don't know who taught her to fight with a blade, but she should get her money back. What usually was an interesting choreography of movement and color became Rey stabbing forward in awkward thrusts, clearly outmatched by the weight of the movie prop she was holding.


The antagonist wasn't much better, in my opinion. And if you hate spoilers, just don't even pay attention to this -- (I warned you) -- but having that long horse-faced chucklefuck as Han Solo's son, AND having Han go out like a punk ass bitch (much like boba fett into the sarlacc) just didn't make it any easier. They were out to kill all of the old, and shove in the new.


To be honest, I was surprised they didn't just kill off all of the old cast and leave the robots behind with Rey gasping dramatically, because in the end, it would've been a more polite way to cauterize the plot-hole bleeding taking place.


There's good films, and Mr. Abrams has directed a few, but this is certainly not one of them.


In my story the wookie would've torn the bad guy's arms out of his sockets, and Han would've bitchslapped Rey into listening for once.


Do yourself a favor, don't bother. Maybe if it is in the $2.99 bin next to the beef jerky.... maybe.... or you'd be better off getting some condoms and bedding a rey-look-alike instead.

Tip GimmeTheUsual for their post.
Login to comment...
Comment by GimmeTheUsual on 04/10/16 12:22am

@Archwinger Thanks for the comment. And I realized a I missed something. When Rey says goodbye to Finn at the end, she's basically treating his ass like an orbiter that can't help her anymore. "Goodbye friend"...

Fucking friend? The guy basically risked his life to save her, even coming back to get her out of the fucking bazooka-gun planet, and he's a "friend"? Fucking feminist bullshit.

I really hate this movie more and more when I think about it.

Comment by Archwinger on 04/06/16 11:40pm

The movie was a deliberate feminist party line toter.

You have a female protagonist who is magically good at everything, never wrong about anything, never screws up. All of the male protagonists need her and rely on her and are clearly inferior to her.

You have an arch-villain who is essentially the epitome of beta. Seriously, he could have been Elliot Rodger from a space-age era. Not some big, stoic, bad-ass Darth Vader. Not even a sinister, Machiavellian, behind the scenes Darth Sidious. Not even a flippy, saber-twirling Darth Maul. No, instead, you have a socially awkward loser geek.

And naturally, he's the son of a suave, masculine icon, because we all know that masculinity leads to toxic future generations.


About TheRedLounge
Sometimes the best thing you can do is sit back, sip a drink and just listen...

Latest Posts