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Ceph Improvement
5 Months Later
Published 03/05/19 by ceph [1 Comments]

It's been five months since my first and only post on this site. Failing to maintain participation on a website is normal for me, however. Due to my poor performance and deteriorating mental health last year, I'm taking a semester off to get my shit together. Instead of college, I'm working full time and taking a few classes at a local college. I feel better, but it's hard to tell if that's because of the changes I'm making in my life or just because I've left the extremely stressful environment I was in before.

To my surprise, I've been able to make some progress. Here's the list of problems I posted five months ago, with what's changed in brackets:

  1. physically weak [lifting almost every day, actually gaining some strength]
  2. undisciplined [not much, but I'm a bit better at doing what I know I need to do]
  3. sexually inexperienced [nothing, I haven't even tried]
  4. romantically inexperienced [see above]
  5. bland personality (probably) [I'm not sure if this is or was ever true.]
  6. lack of direction in life (independent from the college, I mean) [my direction now is back to my initial college]
  7. no ability to focus [diagnosed with ADD, exercise is helping I think]
  8. no ability to commit to long term goals [my main long term goal is to return to my initial college]
  9. lack of motivation [if I cultivate discipline motivation should only play a role in the things I do for fun]
  10. excessive masturbation [dropped from one or more times per day to once every few days, still too much in my opinion]
  11. procrastination [slight improvement]
  12. irregular sleep schedule (due to 2, 8, 11) [I think it was mostly due to having no regularity anywhere else. I'm doing well in this regard]
  13. life is slowly falling apart (due to 2, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11) [No longer true]
  14. vague depression (likely as a result of 3, 4, 6, 10, 12) [Barely noticeable]

I've also been reading, something I stopped doing years ago. Mostly stuff from the red pill book collection (https://www.reddit.com/r/redpillbooks/comments/3rk...), and one called 'Conquer Your Campus'. I'm seeing a psychologist too, but I've only had one appointment so far. I don't think that's a factor yet.

I'm going to keep going and see where I end up. I might even try posting once week like I said I would five months ago.

[1 Comments]
Self Improvement Blog
Published 10/09/18 by ceph [2 Comments]

Forward

Hello.

I will be using this as a public log to keep track of my self improvement as well as a place to write about things if I think of them.

Currently I have many attributes that I would like to change.

I will list them:

  1. physically weak
  2. undisciplined
  3. sexually inexperienced
  4. romantically inexperienced
  5. bland personality (probably)
  6. lack of direction in life (independent from the college, I mean)
  7. no ability to focus
  8. no ability to commit to long term goals
  9. lack of motivation
  10. excessive masturbation
  11. procrastination
  12. irregular sleep schedule (due to 2, 8, 11)
  13. life is slowly falling apart (due to 2, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11)
  14. vague depression (likely as a result of 3, 4, 6, 10, 12)

Wow that's a lot.

Currently I'm on track to be one of the ~60% of men who don't reproduce. (Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it's an even higher percentage now, what with sexual liberation and the gradual decay of western society and morals {As if I'm in any position to complain about that})

I recognize that this is a problem, but that has been true for years. Hell, I've been this scrawny for years and never had any urge to do anything about it.

In my entire life I've been able to form exactly ONE good habit. That habit was to drink more water every day. The only reason I was able to form the mental circuit to remind me to drink water was through the physical trigger of a water bottle (I guess it's more accurate to say that my habit was picking up my water bottle every morning, and that the awareness of the need to drink water came later).

I'm not confident that I'll succeed.

It's pretty likely that I'll just stay on this track until I die of loneliness or off myself.

I'd like to try one more time to achieve a better life though.


So what's the plan?

I honestly don't have much of a plan, which seems like a recipe for failure.

Here's the 'plan':

  1. Get this semester's workload under control and actually do better in classes.
    1. Start using a planner, rather than trying to remember everything.
    2. Stop accepting zeros for assignments I couldn't be fucked to do or procrastinated for too long.
      1. They'll build up in the end and nothing good will come of it.
    3. Study and feel confident about doing well.
  2. Start nofap
    1. Regardless of the supposed benefits, my time can be better spent.
  3. I have no idea. I think step 1 will take a while, so I'll plan the rest once the end is in sight. Until step 1 is accomplished, it's not like I'll have time for anything else (my semester is kind of in shambles).

Conclusion

I really want to succeed this time, but pitfalls of my own making are preventing me from dealing with anything outside of school right now.

I think time management is a simultaneous goal, because getting back on top of my classes will require that (hence the planner)

A tentative next goal is physical fitness (I'm not overweight, but I'm pretty much a skeleton). I've been dissatisfied with how I look for a long time now.

A parallel goal is getting a better haircut (I might do that tomorrow, if I have time, but I probably won't so if you read this please recommend some resource to find a haircut or a specific haircut)

I really want to succeed this time, and if I don't I think that'll be the end.


I don't know where this shows up, or if anyone besides me can see it, so if you are reading this or if it shows up in the wrong section please leave a comment so I know you're there or so I can fix it. Also if you think anything I've written is completely wrong please tell me because I'm stumbling around in the dark here.

[2 Comments]

About Ceph Improvement
This blog serves as a log of my attempts to pull myself together, as well as a place to post my thoughts on various things. I'll post once a week on Sunday night with the previous week's progress, as well as whenever I feel like it about other things.

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