A recent submission to The Red Pill subreddit sparked some interesting discussion regarding the concept of engaging in long-term relationships (LTRs) with women.
A common position taken by many Red Pill advocates is that committing to one woman, exclusively, is a strategy for “beta” losers and “blue pill” people. The idea is that if you are truly awesome and “alpha” enough, you don’t have to commit to any one woman. A large number of women will be willing to have sex with you, outside of a committed relationship, simply because you’re awesome. And if some women won’t, that’s not a big deal, because you have an abundance of other women who will. And that abundance of options with other women gives you all of the power to engage with women on your own terms. Because then, no particular woman is unique or special simply because she’s willing to touch your dick. If one woman won’t fuck you, another will.
This recent post took a different stance on the concept of LTRs, arguing that the common Red Pill position that relegates LTRs to a loser, blue pill, beta strategy is just a bunch of ignorant shaming by bitter and butt-hurt men who aren’t awesome and alpha enough to keep a woman’s interest in a relationship. The idea is that constantly chasing new girls is hard work for diminishing returns, while having one particular girl in a Red-Pill-style LTR who respects the hell out of you and fucks you on demand is far more rewarding. The quality of girls who allow themselves to be non-exclusively plated by guys is lower than that of girls who insist on a relationship, so the argument is that engaging in LTRs nets you higher quality girls. And that “mature” men eventually realize that banging a bunch of meaningless girls is an empty pursuit and want something more.
The idea is that if you work hard to become and remain a high value man, you dominate your relationships with women, and you are truly awesome, valuable, and alpha enough, you can engage in committed relationships with women and they won’t cheat, leave, or misbehave.
Stop here. Read the paragraph above one more time, kind of slowly, before continuing.
Now, let me rephrase that paragraph in more general terms:
If you behave a certain way, and avoid certain other behaviors, women will stay committed to you, have lots of sex with you, treat you with respect, and never cheat on your or leave you.
It wasn’t that long ago that most of us believed exactly that. However, the behaviors we engaged in to try to reach that goal involved paying for dates, backrubs, foot rubs, sitting on our hands and not being sexually assertive, and generally being nice as hell, generous, and respectful. We believed that if we behaved in certain ways with women, we would end up with a permanent, faithful, high sex relationship with a woman who treats us well. And we know how that went.
Many men who stumble across The Red Pill fall into the trap of remaining beta, blue pill, loser men, who simply substitute one set of behaviors for another. They believe that if they are aloof, narcissistic assholes with muscles, money, social aptitude, lots of options with women, and a push-pull, reward-punishment, dominant dynamic with a woman, that this will net them a permanent, faithful, high sex relationship with a woman who treats them well.
There is no such thing. If you are singing and dancing for a woman, even if your song and dance is a Red-Pill-style song and dance, you are still trapped in a blue pill mentality.
Women do not engage in monogamy. They engage in serial monogamy. They are always on the market. Even if they have a boyfriend or a husband. They are always open to the possibility of trading up. If you lose your job, become seriously ill or injured, get fat, start acting needy, or become a big enough loser in some other way, or if a man who’s more awesome than you on every front makes a move on your woman, or if both of these things happen, your girlfriend is not going to stay with you forever and ignore all other opportunities simply because you happened to come along first and you’re kinda sorta good enough.
You cannot earn a woman’s true and undying love by being alpha enough. All that alpha behaviors do is generate sexual attraction. No more, no less.
However, there is a place for LTRs in your toolbox, as one of many tools you may use in the pursuit of sex. You simply have to engage in LTRs in the same way that women do. Say the words if a woman won’t fuck you without you saying them first. Hell, even stay with her as long as the sex keeps coming with minimal demands on your time and resources. But leave as soon as that situation changes. She’d leave you the second she’s not getting what she wants, so why the hell would you stay if you're not?
And if you come across a better opportunity, cheat. Or dump her ass. She’s still on the market, cultivating other prospects. You should be as well.
LTRs are a valid tool in your sexual strategy arsenal, but should be used appropriately. If you are engaging women in exclusive relationships with the illusion that some combination of the right behaviors with the right kind of woman will get you a permanent, faithful, high sex relationship with a woman who will treat you well, you’re making the same mistake that you did before you found The Red Pill. Just with the addition that you're also being an asshole.
You definitely need something more in your life besides banging girls. But that something more is not a relationship. Relationships are a tool, not a goal.