Puberty Blockers Now Available In Infant Formula babylonbee.com/news/progress-puberty-blockers-now-available-in-infant-formula

Puberty Blockers Now Available In Infant Formula

U.S. - In response to an unprecedented avalanche of requests from 3 activists on Twitter, baby food manufacturers have finally announced they will be providing hormone-laced infant formula for transgender babies. 'It's never too early to transition,' said gender scientist and part-time drag queen Esmeralda Sparklestar. 'Th ... | The Babylon Bee

Jussie Smollett Disguises Self As Larry Elder So People Will Commit Real Hate Crimes Against Him babylonbee.com/news/jussie-smollett-disguises-self-as-larry-elder-so-people-will-commit-real-hate-crimes-against-him

Jussie Smollett Disguises Self As Larry Elder So People Will Commit Real Hate Crimes Against Him

CHICAGO, IL - After watching Larry Elder on the receiving end of racist hate crime attacks in California, a very jealous Jussie Smollett disguised himself as the California candidate for Governor in hopes that people will commit some real hate crimes against him as well. 'I hope this works,' said Smollett as he donned a very lifeli ... | The Babylon Bee

It's Time To Panic: Here's Everything You Need To Know About Omicron babylonbee.com/news/the-bee-explains-the-omicron-variant

It's Time To Panic: Here's Everything You Need To Know About Omicron

Don't listen to fake news from The New York Times, CNN, or your doctor. Get all your medical information from us at The Babylon Bee. Anyway, it's totally time to freak out. Here's everything you need to know about Omicron: It was originally to be called the 'Xi Jinping Created COVID in a Lab' variant but was renamed so as not to ... | The Babylon Bee

Cruel: Jussie Smollett Will Be Forced To Share A Jail Cell With His Attacker babylonbee.com/news/cruel-jussie-smollett-forced-to-share-a-jail-cell-with-his-attacker

Cruel: Jussie Smollett Will Be Forced To Share A Jail Cell With His Attacker

CHICAGO, IL - People are protesting in the streets today after human rights groups revealed Jussie Smollett will be forced to share a jail cell with his racist attackers.'This is an outrage!' said Reverend Jesse Jackson. 'Not only was Mr. Smollett attacked by hateful racist bigots who want to tear our country apart, but now he has to sh ... | The Babylon Bee

CNN HR Department Considers Adding 'Are You A Creepy Pervert?' To Employment Application babylonbee.com/news/cnn-hr-department-adding-are-you-a-creepy-pervert-to-employment-application

CNN HR Department Considers Adding 'Are You A Creepy Pervert?' To Employment Application

ATLANTA, GA - After revelations that every single anchor and producer who works at CNN is a creepy pervert, the HR department of the Cable News Network is considering adding a section to all employment applications which would require applicants to disclose whether or not they are a creepy perv. 'Oh my gosh! Where did all these creepy p ... | The Babylon Bee

Study Finds Massive Spike In People Getting Shot By Alec Baldwin Under Biden Administration babylonbee.com/news/study-finds-massive-spike-in-people-getting-shot-by-alec-baldwin-under-biden-administration

Study Finds Massive Spike In People Getting Shot By Alec Baldwin Under Biden Administration

NEW YORK, NY - A Columbia University study has revealed a troubling surge in Alec Baldwin-related shootings ever since Joe Biden was elected president.'As you can clearly see here, there were zero people shot by Alec Baldwin - that we know of - before Biden's inauguration, and two people shot in the time since,' said researcher Dr. Am ... | The Babylon Bee

Heresy: This Christian Band Didn't Replace The 'T' In Their Name With A Cross babylonbee.com/news/heresy-this-christian-band-didnt-replace-the-t-in-their-name-with-a-cross

Heresy: This Christian Band Didn't Replace The 'T' In Their Name With A Cross

NASHVILLE, TN - Sources close to local Christian band Apostle 242 confirmed Thursday that the band hasn't even replaced the 'T' in their name with a cross yet, despite being around since 1997.'These guys can't truly be Christians,' said one believer in Arkansas. 'It says Apostle 242, which sounds religious, but the T is jus ... | The Babylon Bee

Hillary Clinton To Teach MasterClass On Losing Elections babylonbee.com/news/hillary-clinton-to-teach-masterclass-on-losing-elections

Hillary Clinton To Teach MasterClass On Losing Elections

CHAPPAQUA, NY - Meet your instructor! MasterClass has announced its latest expert tutor, Hillary Clinton, who will teach a series of lectures about how to lose presidential elections.'We are honored to welcome Hillary Clinton to our world-class lineup of instructors,' said CEO David Rogier. 'She is one of the world's forem ... | The Babylon Bee

Mom Clearly Phoned In Elf On The Shelf Performance This Morning babylonbee.com/news/mom-clearly-phoned-in-elf-on-the-shelf-performance-this-morning

Mom Clearly Phoned In Elf On The Shelf Performance This Morning

WICHITA, KS - According to sources, a local mom clearly phoned in her nightly routine of posing the elf on the shelf last night. 'I'm disappointed,' said an anonymous source with firsthand knowledge of the situation. 'Of all the delightful mischief she could have depicted the elf getting into overnight - like pulling down orname ... | The Babylon Bee

Australians Also Boycotting Olympics Since Government Won't Let Them Leave Their Homes babylonbee.com/news/australians-also-boycotting-olympics-since-government-wont-let-them-leave-their-homes

Australians Also Boycotting Olympics Since Government Won't Let Them Leave Their Homes

SYDNEY - On the heels of Biden's diplomatic boycott of the China Olympics, the Australian Olympic team has announced that they too will boycott the games - but only because the police won't let them out of their homes.'Don't get me wrong, mate, I'd love to compete,' said Australian swimmer Noah Dorner. 'But there are ... | The Babylon Bee