I’ve been married 15 years. Good career(6 figs), stay in shape, live with intention. I realized that I’ve been slowly shrinking to fit inside my wifes comfort zone. Sacrificing myself to try to make her happy by doing what i thought i was supposed to (provide/protect/etc), but....i dont get really anything in return.

My wife is a good woman in the traditional sense — cooks, cleans, caring and loyal. But emotionally, nada. She’s avoidant, defensive and resists everything outside her comfort zone. No hobbies, no curiosity, no willingness.

She says she’s “content but not happy.” I feel obligation, loyalty, and compassion… but no spark, no partnership, no real life together beyond logistics and chores.

Here’s the part I’m wrestling with:

Red Pill talks a lot about women leaving men “because they weren’t happy” — and how men get blindsided. So what happens when I’m the one who isn’t happy? Am I doing the same thing, just in reverse?

I’m not blaming her for everything. I own my mistakes, but she is "dismissive-avoidant".

I’m at the point where separation feels like the only path but part of me wonders if I’m falling into the same trap RP warns about-- chasing “happiness.”

I’m not chasing excitement. I’m chasing a partner who actually engages.

So here’s my question to this community:

How do you tell the difference between:

“I’m unhappy, so I’m leaving” (the thing men get burned by) vs “The relationship has hit a dead end because we’re fundamentally incompatible in growth, effort, and emotional connection.”

I’ve been married 15 years. Good career(6 figs), stay in shape, live with intention. I realized that I’ve been slowly shrinking to fit inside my wifes comfort zone. Sacrificing myself to try to make her happy by doing what i thought i was supposed to (provide/protect/etc), but....i dont get really anything in return.

My wife is a good woman in the traditional sense — cooks, cleans, caring and loyal. But emotionally, nada. She’s avoidant, defensive and resists everything outside her comfort zone. No hobbies, no curiosity, no willingness.

She says she’s “content but not happy.” I feel obligation, loyalty, and compassion… but no spark, no partnership, no real life together beyond logistics and chores.

Here’s the part I’m wrestling with:

Red Pill talks a lot about women leaving men “because they weren’t happy” — and how men get blindsided. So what happens when I’m the one who isn’t happy? Am I doing the same thing, just in reverse?

I’m not blaming her for everything. I own my mistakes, but she is "dismissive-avoidant" ( emotional distance, withdrawal, stonewalling, defensiveness, and difficulty with intimacy/affection)

I’m at the point where separation feels like the only path but part of me wonders if I’m falling into the same trap Red Pill warns about: chasing “happiness.”

Except… I’m not chasing excitement or novelty. I’m chasing life. Growth. A partner who actually engages.

So here’s my question to this community:

How do you tell the difference between:

“I’m unhappy, so I’m leaving” (the thing men get burned by) vs “The relationship has hit a dead end because we’re fundamentally incompatible in growth, effort, and emotional connection.”

I’m trying to avoid cope. I want clarity if this all on me, a natural mismatch, or a necessary hard decision. Friends say, leave & be happy. Maybe I need to man up?

Plan to separate around new year, if not sooner.