Do you at least get vacations? Do you have a buddy or two to unwind over a beer?
Do you have a deceleration plan, or so you plan to just cut it abruptly at some point?
What do you want to do when you've reached your financial target?
In the last 2 years I’ve transformed financially to making $1500 a day.
In that time I’ve become addicted to non illegal drugs, I think I have insane anxiety but am just that unaware of how I feel because I’m so stimulated 24/7. I don’t sleep without waking up 3 times a night but yet I don’t quit it because the stoics talk about moderation and the virtue of it.
I feel as an individual I just can’t have these things as it’s ruining my life, I’m making money but my vessel is just stressed as fuck and I can’t lose weight etc (I’m quite muscles so get away with it but I’m 25-30% body fat)
The stoic virtues are like an excuse I fall on to moderate things, I don’t even speak to girls anymore. I honestly think I’m so tired I don’t care because in 4/5 years il be a millionaire.
I’ve never been like this or wanted to feel out of control, I have a pretty fucked up childhood but believe normally I’m a very well put together person but I’m destroying myself because I think I should be able to have these things.
These things are cigarettes and caffeines, very social things, I can’t quit one without quitting the other but for some reason I’ve lost motivation to have full self control and again I say it’s because of the pursuit of moderation.
I smoke 30 a day and have 5/6 coffees I can’t control it, even if I get down to 10 a day and 1 coffee it just flies up like this
Can someone just tell me what the hell to do because I’m in an internal battle and 2 years have gone by and I think if I wasn’t making so much money I’d see things differently, my productivity is whack but I still have laid the foundations to be a millionaire $
My brain feels so confused I just want someone to tell me stop doing it or that I should be able to moderate it if I change other things in my life
Read MoreFirst of all you need to quit coffee and wait a week. Prolonged coffee intake builds up tolerance due to a byproduct of caffeine metabolism. The caffeine effect is a stimulation of certain biochemical pathways that make you feel more awake at first but due to the said byproduct your body builds up a tolerance and the rush is harder to get and it lasts shorter.
I feel like I’ve created a prison in my brain where I just stay in to focus on responsibilities but I just end up binging dopamine in ways that give me anxiety and stress and fuck my slew up.
That's exactly how caffeine works. You're supposed to use this strategically to increase your "energy" when you work(out) b/c caffeine fires off pathways in your body that fire off other stuff.
Long story short you, your body and your brain forgot how your baseline looks like and you need to cut the coffee and cigarettes (similar stuff) to remember how does it feel to be at baseline. Your current baseline is "pumped up at all times" but this isn't how humans normally work.
If I go before work then in the evening I just want to kill myself as I have nothing to do after work
Secondly you need to stop being emotional about your current state. You're either on caffeine rush or angry you don't feel the caffeine rush or down after caffeine rush. Did I mention caffeine already? Aside from that you attach WAY too much meaning to your state. IOW you have strong feelings about your feelings.
Finally, you need to rethink the whole hustle mentality. You set up a plan and you work as much as you can to achieve your goals. But working the proverbial 16h a day aren't going to make things better unless you have mental resiliency and tools to deal with stress and energy management short and long term. Most don't and they burn out mentally and physically.
Long story short you painted yourself into a corner. Caffeine rush chasing creates a feedback loop b/c of the tolerance. Second loop you have is your feelings about your feelings on not feeling the rush and feeling the caffeine induced anxiety.
I’ve tried writing about it and logically I know what to do I just don’t care anymore and I think it’s because I don’t sleep
It's pointless to workout unless you get enough sleep. Literally - you wont have good results if you don't get enough high quality uninterruped sleep.
Address the baseline first it only takes like a week or two. It's pointless to try to fix your metal state if you chug coffee all day.
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