@polishknight again, all human relationships are transactional.

Do we charge our friends to be friends with us?

Transactions aren't limited to monetary exchange.

Do we expect them to engage in some quid-pro-quo transaction?

Yes, at least subconsciously. Most people aren't going to allow themselves just to be used.

quid-pro-quo

And just to be clear: it won't always be an even exchange, and sometimes the benefit one receives is just feeling better about themselves through the relationship.

Let's try this if you could be so kind: Is my relationship with my daughter transactional?

For the record, and this won't surprise you, whatever it takes for her welfare I'll jump under a bus in a second.

Yes. What you're getting out of it is ensuring that your genes live on, and the pride you see in her growing up.

"Transactional" doesn't necessarily mean a cynical exploitation. In fact, most people GTFO if they realize they're being exploited.

@thegap same answers you received in this thread a couple of years ago.

As far as applying useful stuff to your life, that's mostly determined by you, what jives with your experience, and what your goals are (and you're allowed to change your mind).

In other words: just start trying and applying stuff. Mindful application. Observe, orient, decide, act. Then back to observe again, and continue the OODA loop.

As for some of the links not working, can you tell us the specific titles? Some of us who remember what to look for might be able to dig it back up. Caveat: we all have lives, careers, etc and don't do this shit for a living, so don't expect instantaneous results (or even a response every time).

What really sucks is the internet as it used to be is kind of dying, and a lot of good shit is getting lost. The entire internet is turning into about a half-dozen social media sites posting screenshots of shit from the other sites, and AI-generated garbage.

@Typo-MAGAshiv I use language such as "as some would say that all relationship are transactional" only because I respect others to disagree with that assessment. I suppose I could have just not bothered to put it that way.

Let's try it this way: Do we charge our friends to be friends with us? Do we expect them to engage in some quid-pro-quo transaction? Nonetheless it is transactional and we've all had friends who weren't pulling their weight or were too lopsided we had to cut loose.

Regarding The Big Lebowski and "Does anyone respect the rules?" I meant that in the context of how women play the shaming ploy of men being "transactional" while they themselves then are transactional. The problem is that I think when I wanted to insert that clip into the conversation, the URL was put at the top of the post/comment? So the context got screwed up. Oh well.

It's not just me coming to grips with relationships being transactional. Marriage vows themselves actually imply a form of commitment that transcends transactions: "For better or worse, in sickness and in health". Bare minimum transactionalism: One shouldn't be a doper, or abuser, or so on but beyond that, it's a feeling of being a member of a family.

Let's try this if you could be so kind: Is my relationship with my daughter transactional?

For the record, and this won't surprise you, whatever it takes for her welfare I'll jump under a bus in a second.

I love this scene in Breaking Bad: "What does a man do, Walter?" youtu.be/9-eQU4kw4Q4?t=102

But yet, I think our gynocentric society has set the bar low for "woman"hood as women think that's only a man's job. Don't they know about Scarlet, the stray Calico cat, who saved her kittens from a fire and burned almost to death? She has been memorialized as a hero. That's what we used to romanticize about women. That's what we idolized them as. Now, they're exploiting their kids "Give me what I want otherwise my kids will starve?"

I bring this up because my wife and I differ in our philosophy on parenting: I am conditional with my child FOR HER SAKE. I tell her: "I love you absolutely, but out of that love, I MUST punish you for misbehavior FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. EVEN IF, and PARTICULARLY, when you annoy me. If daddy and mommy want to relax and you need to go to bed, do as we say, Respecting others, including and particularly us, is the step towards adulthood."

So when you said I struggle with that, I want you to know that I understand that not spoiling my child matters greatly to me. I hope I'm raising her to be a decent woman and human being that would set a standard for what we want women to be.