Login or Register
TRP.RED: Home | Blogs - Forums.RED: ALL | TheRedPill | RedPillWomen | AskTRP | thankTRP | OffTopic
Vermillion Man March
My own Red Pill Enlightenment feels incomplete without helping others along the path
This Post has been Curated by -Anteros-
Multiple girlfriends = multiple lives lived at once. Reflections on a life of plate spinning.
Published 03/28/16 by MentORPHEUS [2 Comments]

I'm 48, and unlike my Brother and Sister, never been married. My family, especially Mom and Grandma, feel sorry for me and everyone thinks I've missed out in life without marriage and children; they would be quite wrong. Through having several relationships running concurrently, I feel a satisfaction as though I've lived several lifetimes in one. Instead of feeling like I've missed out as I face the waning decade of mens' sexuality, it's like being Lazarus Long and having a 192-year lifespan to look back upon. I will go to a happy grave.

My preference is LTRS; I've never been married or with a married person, but I find keeping more enjoyable and expedient than getting. Not everyone on TRP seeks this type of relationship, and I'm not an authority on everyone's multi-relationship methods, but I hope this helps to build a body of knowlege about applying TRP methods to managing multiple relationships.

Types of relationship

Not all simultaneous relationships are created equal! I've found across several turnovers of relationship groups, things tend to fall naturally into a semi-orderly pattern. When everyone is satisfied within their role in the giant web, they are likely to work toward keeping their role stable by not making waves they know will ripple to the others and cause trouble. Understanding these roles thoroughly, and treating/keeping everyone within the bounds and expectations of their positions can help you get managing multiple relationships at once down to an efficient system.

  • The Main Always an LTR, this is the "official girlfriend" as far as your family is concerned, and the one who gets first priority at all the big holidays. If she comes from outside the plate network she is not informed of it. Sometimes a plate is promoted to main; they understand the situation and desire the position anyway. There is an unspoken agreement that the main will be shielded from all signs of extracurricular activity. There is also sexual meritocracy to my system; the main has first priority to sex, and plate activity falls off as far as 100% according to how well she keeps my balls empty. Even when this position is filled by a plate fully aware of your sexual ways, the Main is #1 priority for sex, and she's tacitly considered exclusive. Former plates get busy in bed thanks to soft dread, and I strive to keep them content in and out of bed myself. If another plate intrudes, the main is 100% defended and supported. I don't demand exclusivity from women I'm not exclusive with myself, but try to be the man they prefer to fuck.
  • Side Girlfriend A favorite plate with whom you share an emotional connection and a full "girlfriend experience" while together- yet you're both able to turn it on and off like a switch between visits. Often someone in an LTR of their own or holding out for one, not a CC rider. Sometimes, side girlfriend status is a placeholder position for the new main when the current one attrits sooner or later, whether openly between you or implicitly. However, a main will seldom move directly to side girlfriend status, though a shut-down and reset through plate status again can be a successful path for this.
  • Plate A woman who is knowingly having sex with you on the side, for the sake of the sex only, with little to no emotional or resource input from you. Likely to be dating other men in succession, often not in LTR of their own. This requires the least input from you initially, so when everything goes smoothly it seems like the only way to go. Unfortunately, this is the most volatile type of side relationship, most likely to result in drama that spills over into your other relationships, from stalking, public blowups or confrontations, or expectations, and with the weakest bond they are more likely to bring STDs into the picture. Free plates often take more energy to get, keep, and replace in the big picture, when your goal is an ongoing, hassle free collection of women. If frequent new pussy is your goal, you must recognize and accept the risk it brings to you and your other current lovers.
  • Mistress For men of means only; spending your own grocery money on a side woman is foolish, and outspending your main here is a dick move. A relationship involving open support of a woman in exchange for sex, whether cash, groceries, rent, or shopping. This might be a woman you have a love child with, a higher SMV woman than you could pull for free on an open "side" basis. For example a college student for an older man or a desirable woman with more than one longterm "patron"; or a favorite plate fallen on hard times with whom you negotiate better sex (demand,frequency,variety, exclusivity) in exchange for a period of support; sometimes you just find a great value and pride in bettering the life of someone who you're regularly intimate with. Beware of cognitive and emotional traps and wallow in it, if this brings you joy and possibly peace with your sex. Mistresses might get second dibs on major holidays, often the weekend before or after with your main, but this class of relationship has an explicit understanding that it is subordinate to the main, and she accepts this position without fuss or complaint as part of the financial deal. Least likely to incite damage to your main relationship. Young men starting out might classify a plate that commands more resources than his others as a sort of mistress, to remember to fully negotiate his position in this relationship.

How it began

After a blue pill early love life with serial oneitis relationships that bloom, stagnate, and die over time in a pattern familiar to many here, I raised my SMV and hit a stride with women by my 30s. A "crime of opportunity" occurred when somebody really wanted to be with me knowing I was in an LTR. It hit me, I could parallel process several relationships at a time, staggered at different stages. This both quickly filled whatever I felt I had missed out on when younger, and effectively sped up the throughputting of women through my love life in search of that ever-elusive unicorn, without necessarily speeding up or rushing the relationship process. Why have just one 4-year relationship when you can have that plus a couple of other relationships spanning 6 months-3 years during the same 4 years, plus a meta-lover occasionally from years before through years after?

Relationship tracks

Long-term side relationships don't necessarily have a beginning, middle, and end like a regular relationship. The most durable and hassle free ones I've known were mutually able/willing to dial it up/down/on/off repeatedly over time, as other relationships wax and wane in our respective lives. Some womens' tracks spanned over a decade and the reign of several mains/others. Others ran their various courses and ended in one run. A couple came back for seconds or more, out of the blue years later. The important thing was, each ran at its own pace and opportunity, but by running concurrently, it amounted to many decades' worth of relationships for me over the course of the past 20 years.

Disadvantages of multiple lovers

It's not all parties and pussy without cost. Most men aren't natural pussy magnets with a constant stream of free groupies available. The average man must work for even "free" pussy, and multiple relationships bring compound and additional costs to the love game.

  • Division of time/resources Multiple relationships are inevitably a zero sum game. Time and resources given to one are necessarily taken from the others. It's not a simple math problem; you must manage jealousy, priority, meritocracy, and more than just a calendar. The more serious your main becomes, the more you'll wrestle with the ethics of it all. You may wonder if X relationship would have flourished after all with 100% of your attention. These are some of the gigantic trade offs of this lifestyle.
  • Occasional extinction events You might get a psycho-stalker who literally goes pounding on all of your other current womens' doors, or someone who rallies one or more of the other women against you in a sudden coup. The happy, abundant life can hum along just fine for a long time, then suddenly go 100% into the shitter overnight. Effort spent managing everyone's expectations, keeping their needs filled, and avoiding unnecessarily hurt feelings in maintaining and ending individual relationships keeps problems from spreading to others.
  • Awkward moments When one lover sees another out with another in public; sometimes it can be played off, sometimes you're ducking back out the restaurant door or side alley, fortunate if the woman you're suddenly frog-marching a new direction plays along without fuss and raising attention. Having four of your current lovers manage to converge in the same room together by chance; one unaware, some knowing of others, none knowing all- now THERE is a dynamic to test your mettle! Then there was the undesired experimental plate who showed up at my work with a dozen roses, and I had to fast-talk her up to speed on her status, and the fact that a long-time heir-apparent to my main position was due for our first official date as an LTR any minute. She left out one door literally seconds before the next one walked in the other... and was slickly presented with a "surprise" of the roses and became an important part of my life for 10+ years after that... but 10 seconds sooner that night would have altered that indelibly!
  • Overall lack of spare time You might find your other life activities, relationships, and hobbies limited by the sheer amount of TIME you spend managing multiple relationships. Accept that women are one of your hobbies and be at peace with it. Incorporating your outside interests with your plates can help with this; for instance, keeping my motorsports hobby alive for years AND taking different eager families on excursions many weekends per season. I follow my passion to my own fulfillment, many others get to share the fun without getting burned out- sometimes you can spread disparities of interest into a win-win for yourself and all parties.
  • Holidays Oh fuck, Holidays! Manage everyones' expectations in advance to prevent blowups. For those you celebrate with, calendar them carefully, keep your promises, and remember the strength and efficiency of the intermittent reward schedule here. Instead of approaching holidays with a sense of dread, gloom, and botched relations through mismanagement, accept them as a challenge to spread as much happiness as you can with efficiency of effort like a love superhero.

Advantages to a man

  • Variety Instead of being married to one woman, I've experienced a tremendous variety. Races, classes, cultures, traditions, relationship styles, power structures or lack of, intergender dynamics; Tall, short, thicker, thinner, PhDs to high school dropouts. I've been able to taste so much variety in my time. I had a girlfriend older than I am now when I was 30, and am now looking at someone half my age.
  • No downtime Besides the power of abundance mentality, having parallel running options at all times pretty much eliminates the cycle time of breakup/gloom/recovery/getting out there again finally.
  • Positive experience with multiple kids Not all mothers want you involved with their kids, and these make damn good long-term, low effort plates. For those that do, it is an opportunity for an interested man to enjoy many of the benefits and peak experiences of having over a dozen children, with minimal downside exposure. First days of school, graduations, birthdays, quinceaneras, sweet 16s, first dates, weddings, grandchildren. I've taught many city kids how to ride a bike, hit a baseball, build a good campfire, ride a dirtbike, shoot a pellet gun, recognize and navigate by the constellations, leave the place better than we found it, defend themselves, confront a bully, drive a stick, choose and buy a car, check and fill the fluids, and get a first apartment and eventually, house. I've been a part of the support structure as they meet, keep, and eventually get over a first lover, choose a college, start a career and family.
    Critics might suggest it was bad of me to be involved because the relationships weren't permanent, and breaking up with the mother amounted to breaking up with the kids. While there is some truth to this, I've always strongly believed that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved. Time has confirmed in most cases where I have long-term feedback on the outcomes: Most of the women in question never went on to enter a lifetime bond with one man. Second and most important, all of the kids that I've had contact with as adults said that our experiences together were some of the most memorable and positive of their childhood, and they are appreciative of my involvement.
  • Staggered cycles Women in close contact usually sync their menstrual cycles; plates who never see each other don't, so during any given week at least one woman in your life is out of commission and one is at her horniest. The downside is you'll have to mark your calendar to keep track of when everyone's ovulating; mnemonics like the moon are too easy to mix up in your head when two or more women are at play.
  • Peak experiences A few short years after my dry Blue Pill phase of serial relationship bummers, I was filling my own sexual Guiness Black Book. How many girlfriends can you have at once? Five! What's the shortest time to have sex with them all? 36 hours. How long can you keep all that going? Not very. What's the most girlfriends you break up with in a day? Two, unimaginable to my old BP oneitis-riddled self. In the end, quality proved better than quantity. Managing large numbers was a thrill at first, but sometimes you're literally speeding from woman to woman and the abundance can become a burden quickly. For the long haul, it's much easier to keep 2-3 satisfied and on cruise control, than to maintain the record breaking numbers of your love life.

Advantages to the women

Critics are no doubt fuming- HOW could you so selfishly take ADVANTAGE of all these women? I thought I'd mention some of what should be obvious advantages to the women, for their sake.

  • Abundance is a two way street Many women are quite happy to maintain a steady non-exclusive partner for the same reasons as men. Having a good plan B man available part time is quite empowering- women who had a pattern of developing oneitis for jerks found this helped them break this cycle finally, as one firsthand example I've seen. Variety and a little social risk is exciting. I've never had to persuade a side plate or girlfriend to enter or remain in an openly secondary position.
  • Filling in the gaps like a smorgasbord Not every person can be 100% of what another needs in a partner over the long haul. That doesn't always mean you must end things with a mostly quality partner you've developed a good companionate relationship and public life with. Having those certain needs filled elsewhere can actually strengthen the position of your main, though you're extremely unlikely to sell her on this point right after she discovers the situation by surprise! Your main might be an excellent companion, partner, co-parent, or whatever durable reasons for keeping but unchangeably passive and conventional in bed. An occasional visit to the adventurous tattooed chick and the butterface with the exquisite ass that loves to grind into you, and your main need never feel unwanted pressure to overperform or be replaced entirely. I can say with firsthand certainty- the right amount of variety on the side can make a main LTR MORE healthy.
  • Familiarity and safety One-night stands are much riskier for women, both physically and emotionally. Having a regular lover even on a part-time shared basis allows a sufficient connection to exist, and reduces the stigma of sleeping around, in her own eyes and others'.

Summary

As an LTR minded man who rejected marriage and found serial monogamy frustratingly slow of a throughput for the time my life span offers, I found a love life niche in running several LTRs in parallel. There have been many costs and challenges and some mistakes and regrets, but looking back over the last 20 years, it's as though I lived several lifetimes in that period. In a world where marriage has been corrupted into a bad deal, this is one method for experiencing many of the good aspects of human pair bonding, as well as a satisfying variety, all within one lifetime.

3 tips given to MentORPHEUS by the community for this post.
Login to comment...
Comment by redpillbanana on 04/03/16 09:10pm

Loved this post when I originally saw it on Reddit. My favorite part was the mention of the occasional extinction-level event.

Comment by Cyn on 03/29/16 03:55am

You had me at Lazarus Long... Great write.