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Yams Everyday
What Do You Do That Isn't For Women? (Crisis of Motive)
Published 11/21/18 by yamseveryday [1 Comments]

Many men fall into a trap, where they learn what is attractive to women and they make their life revolve around it.

It’s a crisis of motive (credit to Rollo for the vocabulary) where men do the “right things” for the wrong reasons.

“Women like men with muscles, so I’ll lift weights… to get women!”

“Women like men who have style, so I’ll dress well… to get women!”

“Women like interesting men with hobbies, so I’ll do BJJ and learn guitar… to get women!”

“Women like confidence, so I’ll change my mindset… to get women!”

“Women like men who are stoic, and unmoved by circumstances, so I’ll start meditating… to get women!”

“Women like men who are driven, have frame, and do their own thing, so I’ll be headstrong… to get women!”

"If I could harness my sexual energy I could be more attractive to women, so I won't jerk off or watch porn... to get women!"

“Women don’t like men who have women at the focus of their life, so I’ll make myself my own mental point of origin (credit to Rollo again)… to get women!”

Well, what if being driven and doing your own thing could lose you women? Oh, I’ll get rid of that then.

What if being stoic could lose you women because you’re not as easy manipulated? Oh, I’ll get rid of that too.

What if some women with think your fashion sense is shit and some women think big muscles are gross? What are you left with?

The truth is, with what's attractive to women being in the back 5% of my mind, I do what I want because I want to do it. It’s about being a man. I want to add things that are beneficial to my life and subtract those things that aren’t. Those things that are beneficial, in totality, obviously make you more attractive to women.

I lifted weights before I was ever getting girls, I wrestled and did BJJ, and learned guitar (amateur level) while I was still unattractive to women, I’ve always been into dressing well and have “lost” women because of it (well because of no frame but they claimed it was because of that). These things I did on my own and learned to embrace were the building blocks for me to develop the mindset and other things that greatly benefited my life.

Obviously, congruency between your actions and how the world responds is part of any endeavor. I’m not going to take actions that put me into social isolation.

But the point is, I’ve went from working on myself to become more attractive to girls to wanting to be a better man no matter the outcome with women. I want to be a more authentic, congruent, strong, and determined man. I want to live how is best for me even if it means being alone.

All the asshole guys who were better with women than the late starters didn’t worry about how women would react to what they said, which made them more attractive to women. It’s a paradoxical situation, where if you do things not caring about a woman’s reaction you’ll become more attractive and visa versa. If you only do things for how women are going to react you'll never be truly free.

The only way to overcome it is to actually stop caring and keep pushing on with your life.

And at this point, you should have learned or be learning how to be a fucking man. And that means doing your own thing aggressively and unapologetically, not looking for approval from anyone.

This is why I think masculinity is the real talking point. This so far transcends any one endeavor in your life but makes up the cumulative endeavors you pursue and is an energy you should bring to anything you do. It transcends any one action you make or phrase you say but integrates into your whole being.

This is the way to live authentically and freely. Striving to be the best and most authentic version of yourself will make you better off in your life than focusing on women, money, success, or anything else ever could.

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Comment by NormalAndy on 11/27/18 10:18pm

I think you are bang in the money with this. Do it for yourself and, if you need to, remember that your greatest gift to the world is presenting your best self to it.