Some context first. I've been spinning plates for the past couple of years. About 1.5 months ago I got into an LTR with a girl I'd been exclusive with for a few months before that. During the exclusive phase she never fought and was always on her best, most positive behaviour.
Since making it official, we've been fighting weekly over small things. Examples:
1)She broke up with me for a few hours because she thought I didn't find her pretty. 2)Yesterday a bitch left a flirty comment on my Instagram post. She assumed I was entertaining other women in my DMs and micro-cheating on her and called me.
Instead of ending things that time, she in a mature tone offered to go back to being non-exclusive. She said she'd be fine with me sleeping with other women, we'd keep hanging out like nothing changed, and her feelings and expectations would just be "better managed." I was caught off guard and hesitated before answering, which I know was a mistake. I eventually reassured her and calmed things down.
She knows about my past, and I think that's the root of it. She's worried I'll get bored and go back to that lifestyle.
Here's the thing: she's a genuinely great partner. Low body count, treats me well, doesn't demand constant dates or attention, and she's peaceful and fun to be around. Honestly, she's low-maintenance compared to managing multiple women. I'm not usually the reassuring type, but I'm enjoying monogamy with her and I'm not in my plate-spinning phase right now. I want to actually give a monogamous LTR a real shot.
At the same time, I see the appeal of the other side. I still want to flirt, talk to bitches on Insta, cold approach, and so on and thats a fun lifestyle not gonna lie
So I'm stuck:
How do I handle her insecurity without becoming her full-time reassurance machine? Was her non-exclusive offer a genuine option or a shit test? Can I realistically keep flirting and approaching while in an LTR, or do I need to pick a lane?
You don't need our permission or approval to keep, or reject, any female in your life. However, this definitely reads like a situation with a surprisingly simple solution I've noticed a lot of guys are oftentimes uncomfortable with making. You don't handle a girlfriends insecurities. That's her parents, and psychiatrists job, not her boyfriends. Providing a psychotic girlfriend comfort only emboldens them to escalate their insane behavior. Not only does this tend to difine a toxic romantic relationship, but removes any doubt in her mind that you're a simp. When she dumped you, you had the opportunity to quietly close the door and bounce, dropped into your lap. The frustration you're experiencing with her is the consequence of failing to take it.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
The problem is that your lack of discipline and experience makes you easy for her to manipulate. Most young women, particularly those receptive to casual sex, will claim to have a low body count, but I suspect this ones had enough cock run through her that she's no longer able to pair-bond, which makes her completely unsuitable for any sort of relationship. If you've still got plates in rotation, spend some time on the others, diminish the time you spend on this one, and seriously consider finding replacements for this kook you've described to us. Chicks who want you around give you clear consistent signals. Chicks who don't, will give you mixed ones.
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