LTR of 5 years - Haven’t talked in 3+ weeks
Need some advice here. I said something rude to my LTR of 5 years about 4 weeks ago. I didn’t realize it hurt her and she brought it up a few days later. I see now this was probably a shit test and I took it way too seriously, you live and learn. I called her, listened, apologized and have been trying to move on since then. Looking back I DEER’d a bit too much during the convo but overall I thought it went fine for the most part. I didn’t lose frame too much, I tried to keep it brief, own it sincerely, and then moved on.
Anyways she’s all pissed about it still, feels like my apology wasn’t real, and we haven’t been talking in 3+ weeks now. So far I’ve been just going about doing my own thing, STFU and working towards my goals - lifting, work, hobbies, etc. Every 4-5 days I’ve been inviting her to go do something to try and get things going again. Simple invites like “I’m thinking of hiking here at x time, you wanna come?” I’ve been keeping the convos light and brief. Everything’s been getting shut down and no effort from her to fix, talk, or meet up about anything. Kind of at a loss to what I should do now, I mean 5 years is a long time to be together so I don’t want to really call it quits. But if it comes to that, it is what it is and I’m prepared mentally it could break.
My plan right now is to go total no contact until she reaches out to make something happen. This might break things completely but I don’t see another option that doesn’t come across as needy.
Any other suggestions here? I see my only options as: total no contact until she reaches out to make something happen. Literally go show up at her door and get this shit over with (beta but at least it gets sorted out). Or somewhere in the middle, like texting her something like, “when you’re ready to talk or see each other let me know”.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
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