@PepeBull

My wife doesn’t love me anymore. What do I do?

I’m 33 and my wife is 32. We met in college. We were both virgins when we met. We have been married for 6 years, and we have a kid together and another one on the way (she is due any day now).

She used to be madly in love with me for the first few years of our relationship. Super affectionate, wrote me love letters, cuddly, etc.

Then we drifted apart as life got more stressful and bad things happened. She lost her father unexpectedly, I was chronically overworked and stressed by medical school and being a doctor. She resented that I was addicted to weed and porn (I have since quit both)…

We argued more and more. Resentment built up. She had a medical issue that made sex painful for her for a long time so we rarely had sex, and then she further lost sex drive after giving birth…

I developed an anger issue along the way while she became less and less affectionate. She would never say “I love you” unprompted or initiate hugs or kisses. She developed insomnia, which she blamed on me waking her at night, and eventually we just slept in separate rooms every night. We had some major fights.

It all came to a head four months ago when we had this one really big argument about money. Note that I am the sole breadwinner and money manager/investor (and have done quite well), while she is a stay at home mom. She grew concerned over how much I was investing and she worried that our joint account was running too low and we would run out of money for basic needs, so she opened up a personal checking account and withdrew a few thousand dollars into it from our joint account. I got really upset and demanded she put the money back. I yelled a lot and kicked a door. We cooled off (or so I thought)…but then police arrived later that night and arrested me, as she had secretly called the cops. This was the third time she had called the cops on me during arguments but it was the first time that they arrested me. She says she didn’t intend for me to get arrested for what it’s worth…

Shortly after my arrest, she filed a restraining order and filed for divorce.

I was completely devastated. I begged and pleaded with her, and ultimately she agreed to freeze (but not outright withdraw) the divorce and work on building back our relationship. She modified the restraining order to allow us to meet up, which we have been. She says she agrees to cancel the restraining order when the court date for it comes in 3 months. Meanwhile I have been going to therapy as mandated by the court.

It seems like we are working towards getting back together, but she refuses to frame it as us just having a really rough patch and working through it because we still love each other. When I ask her it she loves me, she says something like “I don't know if I will be able to love you again after all that has happened,” which is super depressing and frustrating to me. She says the marriage we had is dead and that we need to basically pretend like we are starting from scratch and dating each other to build trust and maybe love will come back…

What am I supposed to do in this situation? Feels like I am expected to audition for my own life. I feel powerless, hopeless, and humiliated.

What should I do?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo

Pause and take the time to seriously process the situation you're marriage is currently in, instead of reacting to it. Treat this like you're an intelligence agency director or military commander pulling together the resources needed to defeat a civil war-insurgency he was fully aware was developing, but previously disinterested, or too preoccupied with other more pressing concerns, to engage. You're not a doctor trying to save a dying patient here, or a mechanic trying to repair a totaled car, or even a knight trying to save a damsel in distress. You're gearing up to fight a war with an enemy who is vastly better prepared to destroy you.

Focus on restraining your anger by gathering as much tangible verifiable info as you can to inform yourself on the situation before you make any more decisions or take any further actions. Discern potential assets from enemies among your shared social circle and kin. Use that information to decide the who, what, when, where, how, and why you're willing to sacrifice assets to achieve your goal. If you're not doing so, check out married red pill, ask them questions, and consider reading the books they recommend.

If you haven't done so, ask your attorney if you reside in a one party consent state and hire a private investigator to help you get as much information as you can to thoroughly inform yourself on the situation. If you maintain an apartment close to work, away from your family home, use that as your base of operations where you keep and review any information you never want your wife to even be aware you're looking into or exists. Whenever you're at the family home and the wife gets you angry, immediately put on your shoes, coat, hat, and promptly retreat to that apartment. As law enforcement has been brought into this conflict, install call recording apps onto your mobile phones, print email transcripts to file, get digital recording tools for any landlines you use, purchase yourself a body cam, as well as internal car and home surveillance equipment. Be aware of circulating hearsay, but do not concern yourself with it until you've confirmed its being used against you. Document its use, and consult with your attorney to determine if its worth pursuing the other party over.

With what you've shared with us complete and total strangers about the chaotic last few years of the marriage, how you reacted to the things she said and did is perfectly understandable. I won't belittle, diminish, deride, or deny you your feelings, while she uses hers to justify and validate actions which undermine the marriage and endangers the household. Despite how things have developed, that you wish to salvage the relationship, and marriage, you have with your wife is admirable, but it's very unlikely that your relationship with her will return to what it was. Regardless of how this matter concludes, you two will only come to an understanding. What that understanding will be, I can't say, as your actions will decide that.