@TheanineSauce

LTR pregnancy scare: she suggests an abortion - go with the flow?

Hi gents,

My LTR (26 and about to finish college) missed her period and the tests show that she's pregnant. We both acknowledge we made a mistake and should have taken more precautions to avoid an unplanned pregnancy. She immediately brought up that she doesn't want a child right now and wants an abortion. Although I also strongly support this, I have refrained from overtly trying to influence her choice by remaining as neutral and supportive as possible: we're in Europe so she has to follow a few steps (doctors visit, follow-up counselling session, informed consent) before she can take the pill. She has already made the necessary appointment to begin the process.

I (32, good CV/skills) have been planning to move abroad for the last six months and have the qualifications and means to do so and zero commitments - she knows this relationship comes secondary to my aspirations. It's just been a matter of figuring out where the best place to relocate to is. I currently don't have any obvious assets or good sources of income and don't buy her expensive things. Consequently, I don't think that she currently sees me as a potential provider. The relationship has been based on mutual sexual attraction and a strong emotional bond which eventually led us to being exclusive. We have decided to keep this matter private and not inform friends and family to avoid complicating the matter. While I am supporting her in this process and plan to continue the relationship, I am trying to prepare for the possible scenario in which she changes her mind within the next week and decides not to have an abortion.

Any suggestions on how to proceed over the next 4-6 weeks if she shows signs of changing her mind? She has already given me multiple reasons, one of which I won't mention here, why she doesn't want a child right now, so I haven't had to overtly say anything yet - it's obviously the rational choice. Do you have any suggestions on how to navigate this scenario while being supportive and avoiding actions that would overtly influence her decision?

• Agree and amplify, in a supportive way.
• Current circumstances are unfavourable (e.g. weak job market, political uncertainty, better opportunities abroad)

Silly rabbit, you missed the one that mattered most...

• Don't be cheap and lazy, always keep condoms at the ready.

What's done is done. If the expectant mother of your presumed child decides to not seek out infanticide and keep the baby, provide what support you reasonably can, be it emotional and material. If she decides to give the child up for adoption, you both should then consider reaching out to your respective relatives to find a couple among your kin willing and able, seeking to take on raising a child before you engage with any agencies. I'd also suggest getting a paternity test kit so you can discretely confirm the child's parentage after they're born. It also couldn't hurt you to make time to consult with an attorney about this, as relocating abroad might not absolve you of the financial obligations to the child if it's confirmed that you're the sire, and may have some impact upon your work VISA.