@bloodexorcist my escapism I've tried to be as constructive as possible- I'm pouring myself into work.

The thing is- when I reach my point of exhaustion, I reach illness and tiredness, and when I no longer can work as a form of escape, I face the things I don't think I'm ready for.

I know escape is a means of retreat for preparing for the battle ahead, that's the part that I am having challenges in because I might not have properly framed or defined the problem or mistakes that I've been through.

Thank you for the general advice. I'm trying to stay healthy so I can lift and keep learning.

Balance is what I want. Peace of mind is what I want.

I'm simply stating what my current state of mind is. I want freedom to do what I want (which is to quit work and to reward myself with some vacation time).

It boils down to what I want and what's important to me. I think that would just be taking superior care of myself physically and emotionally. I don't think I have time to do that right now.

Or it might just be my excuses. Idk.

I am deeply disturbed by my lack of deep connections. I try to absorb learning instead but a large swath of pointlessness is crippling

Frame. I'm learning it by expanding my knowledge so broadly and deeply, having the necessary reasons to tell my adviser: "no, (that's a bad idea) because..."

You can't keep me working under you forever. With all due respect sir. L1/48.

Wow. Reddit's gone lol. The foresight of the vanguards are much appreciated.

Thought I lost access to my trpred account. Turns out I still have it. Anyway, shit's been tough. Balancing both hope and reality when it comes to people that can be trusted. Life's hitting hard with everyone appearing to either be childish, immature, or selfish. I don't plan on going too hard on labelling everyone as hopeless though.