@sirGreen

Question about Kino escalation in bars

Hey, newbie here. I recently went on a date in a bar with a girl I met recently. Anything went pretty well for the first part.

When I started with kino, I started slowly; some taps on her shoulder to make a point, holding her hand over her phone when she was showing me some photos in her gallery, other taps on her thigh, our legs were touching all the time, etc.

To all of them, she responded neutrally, no particular reaction, just letting me do that. In my mind, when dealing with women, any obvious stop or hold back is a green light, so I escalated. I touched her thigh with my hand and rubbed my thumb on it a little. (I think doing this is pretty normal sexual escalation imo) She said "don't do that" and she instantly took my hand away from her.

This was pretty surprising to me because our legs were still touching. So I thought that this particular gesture was the problem. I didn't know how to interpret this 'rejection'. I have 2 explanations in mind:

1. She was either not DTF or looking for a boyfriend type and wanted to take things more slowly. Or she meant "not now" and wanted to spend more time with her before that. I know that in those types of situations, the strategy is to try it again later. In this case, this type of escalation could be considered basic screening and is still ok.
2. Her ASD got activated because we were in a bar (not that touch-friendly like a club), and anyone who was looking at us could have seen that my hand was resting on her thigh. In this case, then this type of escalation is just not appropriate for bars and should only be done in more private places like a car, home, etc.

Maybe some girls are ok with being touched on the thigh in public, but I would still take case two if those girls are not the norm, or even DTF girls get ASD as this happens. I would think that the problem is case two, and this type of escalation is just not appropriate for public places.

What do you guys think?

I think you should consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.