Did I show too much investment/comfort? And Field Report
I started talking to a girl on a dating app, she’s quite a bit younger than me. After a bit, we moved the convo to Snapchat and talked for about two weeks. Since she lives a bit farther away, I couldn't set up a date right away. During that time, we flirted a lot, had some banter, and did some sexting.
Eventually, when I had free time, I planned a trip to her hometown. I booked a daytime hotel and told her about the plan. She was on board but said, "We're not doing much on the first time meeting each other though." I treated it like a shit test, agreed, and amplified it by saying I wouldn’t even let her get too close to me.
But once we got to the hotel, not even five minutes in, we ended up having sex. We talked, had sex again before checkout, then went out for food together. I complimented her afterward, treated her to meals, but didn’t show too much investment. I’m not sure what she thinks of this though. She calls me “baby” and uses other pet names even though we haven’t talked about dating. She told her friends about our “cute date.”
Now I’m going near her hometown again for another trip and planning to meet her during one of those days. I’ll be staying at a hotel with some friends, but I invited her to hang out and told her I could ask them to leave for a few hours. She said, “No, we can just hang out and do something fun this time.” I suggested we could do both, and she asked, “What if your friends come back?” I reassured her they wouldn’t until I asked, but she still seemed hesitant.
Overall she's a very fun girl, submissive and good company.
I’m trying to figure out if this is another shit test, like before where she doesn’t want to seem like she’s planning for sex, but still wants it — or if she actually wants more commitment and real dates now. Or even if she didn't enjoy the sex, which I don't think so because she asked me how many times she finished during our last round because she doesn't remember. I do compliment her when she sends pictures in outfits so maybe I'm overdoing it. It could also be the fact that she's young and catching feeling already?
Should I make her chase for a bit now and make her want me?
Congrats to your getting laid, but you should seriously consider investing into studying the book if you're aiming for something more. While it's possible you could get a female to chase you, with how earnestly you've chased the one you're talking about, I don't see that happening for you.
You've already invested quite significantly for access to this distant girls body. With the way online dating services are set up, you both knew each others respective locations from the start. You put in two weeks of online chatting, sexting, followed by traveling to her area, reserving a hotel room to bang, and a post-coitus meal. If she's not already figured out she's got zero competition for you, it's only a matter of time until she does, especially as she knows you dropped a good bit of dough on her already.
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How did you know monogamy was not for you?
As the title suggests, every time I enter a relationship—even with a "perfect" girl by RP standards (younger, virgin, cooks, cleans, submissive, affectionate, loves children, shares my beliefs)—I still find myself thinking about being with other women. My girlfriend is 21, and I’m 24.
This happened in my previous relationship as well. I spun plates for a while before committing, but once in a relationship (currently almost 2.5 years), I start thinking about being single again. I’m unsure if this feeling will ever go away. I see mixed opinions—some say they prefer a committed relationship over spinning plates, while others insist they are strictly non-monogamous.
How did you determine whether monogamy was or wasn’t for you?
Did you experience similar thoughts about other women while in a relationship? If so, did you act on them? Did those feelings eventually fade?
I feel torn. I can envision a future where I embrace non-monogamy—only spinning plates or having OLTRs. But I can also see myself settling down and starting a family with my current girlfriend, as she checks all the right boxes. Am I feeling this way due to social conditioning, or is monogamy simply unnatural for men, as history and nature seem to suggest?
I’d love to hear your experiences and insights on how you figured it out.
Those are some deep questions. Unfortunately, we came to our conclusions regarding our interest/disinterest in monogamy differently and you'll have to figure that out for yourself. If instinct is telling you to keep riding the dragon, be responsible about it, and use contraceptives when doing so.
If you don't feel yourself ready for exclusivity in a relationship, or monogamy, at this point in your life, then don't pretend for the sake of pleasing others. Make sure the females you get involved with understand that you're not interested in being exclusive from the start and let them know they're free to keep dating other guys who might. Be prepared for the females who will take that as a challenge, because they're going to be the ones who create problems for themselves with you.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
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