Approached twice today, both times in the same bookstore about 10 min apart(not in sight of either of them).
Learning Game: Daybang(Not done yet)
First approach, girl was reading some book behind me, and I grabbed a book from the shelf and accidentally knocked some over. I jokingly said you didn't see anything, and she agreed and I said thanks and said we were partners in crime. I then said I like her shirt(it had a possum on it) and she said her friend gave it to her, and that she outgrew it. I said nice and asked what she was reading, and it was some book about physiology and said she was really liking it. I then asked if she wanted to grab a coffee upstairs, and I'm not sure where I went wrong here. She said she already had one and looked uncomfortable, and then I wasn't sure what to say so I just said thanks, have a nice day( a little awkwardly), and walked away. My question is why would she be uncomfortable and how can I avoid that? I don't care that I got shot down. The conversation was going great until then, like good vibes, but I'm not sure what I did to make her feel that way.
Self-Answer: Maybe it was an unconscious facial expression on my part, since I felt disappointment. Or it could of just been an issue on her part on being asked out? I think I could have done better controlling my disappointment so that's what I plan to work on.
Second approach, I was waiting in line at checkout to get a book and there were these two cuties in front of me. I asked one that was closest to me if they found anything good(girl 1), and she said yeah that she found an artbook for her friend(girl 2). I then asked girl 2 if she was an artist and she said she was in art class. I then asked about what kind of art she does, and we chatted for a second. She asked if I was an artist and I talked about a beginner sketching book I got, and how it was daunting. I then asked if I could get her number and maybe get some sketch tips from her sometime, and she said yes! I got her number, and then we traded names. I fumbled a bit after that. We still had 5 more minutes in line, and it was hard to keep the conversation going, but I managed to talk about travel a bit. I think I may of messed up by engaging so early with the long line, but it felt natural. One thing I messed up is I had to ask her name again, since I was so focused on the conversation. Now in hindsight, I think she might be a little young for me since she's in college(like 8-10 year gap, not sure what year she is). I have the following questions. Should I ask her out for coffee even though I will probably bomb with my low SMV(no job and living with parents, but I'm still working on both)? Is there an easy way to confirm she's old enough for me(like 21-22?) I don't want to date younger than that. How do you even tell a girls age when approaching, because I've seen 25 year olds that look 20 and 20 year olds that look 30? I ideally want to date 23-30 age range. How long between number and asking out do you wait?
Self-Answer: I should ask her out to coffee and bomb just for the experience. I could straight up ask her if she's graduating soon. Not sure how to tell age, maybe look for signs of age in face(light facial lines and such? I think I should text her tonight and just ask her out to coffee tomorrow while I'm still on her mind, cause she'll probably forget about me in a day or 2.
Final Question: This is the second weekend I approached at the same store, how often do you change places to deliberately day approach? Should I go to a different store?
Self Answer: I should probably try a new place every week so I don't restrict myself to one place, the reason I decided to try this place is because it's a cute bookstore that women love. Thanks.
Have you considered keeping a journal to record these efforts so you can keep tabs on your development?
Read More
Field Report Last Post: www.forums.red/p/asktrp/323965/30_y_o_beginner_with_some_questions
Learning Game from Day Bang. Only read up to the part where he talked about eliminating approach anxiety. Next section said "After a few dozen approaches", so I decided to get out there and approach.
Hey y’all, been making good progress since my last post. Continued losing weight(still ways to go to not be overweight) , been lifting 3x a week, joined social groups(kickball, community theatre as a set helper). Been talking to more people to work on my social skills. Stopped watching porn and playing games.
Stuff I’m still working on: Still no luck getting a job in my field. Think I might just go be a server for awhile until I can find an entry level position in my field. Still living with parents, won’t be able to financially move out for 18 more months if I get a minimum wage job so I can build up emergency fund.
I approached for the first time in my life at 30, looking for feedback.
1st Approach: Said I like a girls shirt in passing, she wasn’t looking at me, glanced and made eye contact with me, then looked away after she realized I was talking to her. We were walking in opposite directions and I had no idea what I was doing, so I just kept walking. My question is how do you talk to women you see on the street? Do you just walk up to them and say how’s the weather?
Where I could have improved: I don’t think approaching on the street is going to work for me, I don’t think I’m handsome enough. I should probably avoid this if there’s no strong IOIs.
2nd Approach: In a bookstore, there were two girls browsing some books. Took a minute before I worked up the courage, and then I walked up to them and asked if they had found anything interesting. We chatted about some old mini books they had, then I complimented the girl I was interested in dress. She kinda just froze and looked at me, and then smiled and said thanks. I wasn’t sure where to go from here, told them to have a good one and went back to browsing.
How I think I could have done better: Maybe talk some more about books I’ve read lately, honestly not sure how I could have saved this one. She seemed responsive but the friend seemed like I was a bother.
3rd approach, most positive response and most attractive:I was browsing at the same bookstore, and this hottie was walking by and I said I like your tattoo. She responded really positively. I asked if it was of a certain forest( it was some trees) and she said no it was her first tattoo. I then complemented a certain aspect of the tattoo, and she said thanks. Again, I wasn’t sure what to do next so I complimented her earrings, and she said thanks, smiled, and then walked away. Really beating myself up on this one since she seemed to actually respond well but I fumbled hard.
Where I could have improved: After the tattoo compliment I could have just asked for her number or if she was free to grab a cup of coffee.
Overall Self Analysis: Happy I approached despite how botched the attempts were. It seems like the only way I know how to show interest is to compliment them and then I don’t know what to do. I think I’ll keep working on talking to strangers and having conversations with them. How do I show interest besides complimenting them? I think maybe I could ask them how their day is going? Also, is it normal to feel weird both before and after approaching? I felt like I was out of place/shouldn't be trying. Any feedback appreciated.
Congratulations on mustering the courage to talk to females. Study the book and keep at it. You can only get better.
Read More30 Y/O Beginner with some questions
Hey y’all, trying to figure out how to improve my situation as much as possible within my current means. I’m currently unemployed and have been fighting depression but therapy has been helping. I’ve cleaned up my diet, and I’m starting to work out more regularly. Down 35 lbs so far with 35 more to go. I’ve begun replacing my wardrobe so I don’t look homeless using reddit’s male fashion advice basics. Read most of the sidebar and the rational male, still making my way through the book of pook. After that I will read day game.
My main issue is I have been spending my days playing video games and watching TV and never leaving the house. I haven’t been on a date in over 10 years and am still a virgin. I’m currently living with my parents. I’m planning on saving up to buy a house when I get a job, but I don’t think I’ll reach that goal for another 18 months for when I can get my own place. My current plan is to begin to re-expose myself to social environments and talking to people, and raise my SMV as much as possible until I can become employed again.
Overall Goals: -10% body fat -Find employment with at least 70k a year so I can save up for a house by the end of the year -Force myself to be social so I can talk to people without being weird -Ask a girl for her number before May 30(while this seems easy, I have never done this before and want to lose a bit more weight and finish fixing wardrobe before I try)
Daily Plan to Prevent Myself from self-isolation: Morning – Workout, Go to coffee shop and work on Resume/ Job Search 4 hours (Coffee shop is where I will be exposed to other people so I’m not isolated for days on end) Afternoon- Read self-development 3 hours Evening – This is the part I struggle with the most, my evenings are usually empty, and with that emptiness I just watch TV or porn. I plan to try and start volunteering in order to broaden my horizons and the number of people I meet while not spending any money except for gas. I will also try hobby group meetups for stuff I’m interested in.
Advice Needed: I am open to suggestions on any of this plan if anyone sees an issue I’m blind to. What are some good ideas on how to spend my evening productive, because I’m used to having the mindset “I’ve earned a break in the evening” despite doing minimal things to have earned a break. I don’t drink (sober 2 years) and don’t like bars, so I don’t really want to go there unless I have to, so open to suggestions on how to meet women or friends. All my friends are married with kids and don’t do anything, so meeting people through friends isn’t really a good option. For online dating, I’ve only attracted overweight women, should I just go on dates even though I’m not attracted to them for practice?
Brainstorming for current issues: For evenings I'm leaning more towards reading fantasy hobby or practicing a skill although I don't know what skills could help SMV while working on it at home. Meeting women I think hobby groups would be my best bet, such as board game groups, hiking groups, and running groups as these are things I am actually interested in. Are there any easy hobby groups to meet women in? As for online dating, my intuition is to not date women I don't have any attraction to, but I'm not sure if my lack of experience is extreme enough to date them anyway to try and get that experience.
I wasted my entire 20s to depression so really trying to improve now, thank you for your time and advice.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Read More