Field Report Last Post: www.forums.red/p/asktrp/323965/30_y_o_beginner_with_some_questions
Learning Game from Day Bang. Only read up to the part where he talked about eliminating approach anxiety. Next section said "After a few dozen approaches", so I decided to get out there and approach.
Hey y’all, been making good progress since my last post. Continued losing weight(still ways to go to not be overweight) , been lifting 3x a week, joined social groups(kickball, community theatre as a set helper). Been talking to more people to work on my social skills. Stopped watching porn and playing games.
Stuff I’m still working on: Still no luck getting a job in my field. Think I might just go be a server for awhile until I can find an entry level position in my field. Still living with parents, won’t be able to financially move out for 18 more months if I get a minimum wage job so I can build up emergency fund.
I approached for the first time in my life at 30, looking for feedback.
1st Approach: Said I like a girls shirt in passing, she wasn’t looking at me, glanced and made eye contact with me, then looked away after she realized I was talking to her. We were walking in opposite directions and I had no idea what I was doing, so I just kept walking. My question is how do you talk to women you see on the street? Do you just walk up to them and say how’s the weather?
Where I could have improved: I don’t think approaching on the street is going to work for me, I don’t think I’m handsome enough. I should probably avoid this if there’s no strong IOIs.
2nd Approach: In a bookstore, there were two girls browsing some books. Took a minute before I worked up the courage, and then I walked up to them and asked if they had found anything interesting. We chatted about some old mini books they had, then I complimented the girl I was interested in dress. She kinda just froze and looked at me, and then smiled and said thanks. I wasn’t sure where to go from here, told them to have a good one and went back to browsing.
How I think I could have done better: Maybe talk some more about books I’ve read lately, honestly not sure how I could have saved this one. She seemed responsive but the friend seemed like I was a bother.
3rd approach, most positive response and most attractive:I was browsing at the same bookstore, and this hottie was walking by and I said I like your tattoo. She responded really positively. I asked if it was of a certain forest( it was some trees) and she said no it was her first tattoo. I then complemented a certain aspect of the tattoo, and she said thanks. Again, I wasn’t sure what to do next so I complimented her earrings, and she said thanks, smiled, and then walked away. Really beating myself up on this one since she seemed to actually respond well but I fumbled hard.
Where I could have improved: After the tattoo compliment I could have just asked for her number or if she was free to grab a cup of coffee.
Overall Self Analysis: Happy I approached despite how botched the attempts were. It seems like the only way I know how to show interest is to compliment them and then I don’t know what to do. I think I’ll keep working on talking to strangers and having conversations with them. How do I show interest besides complimenting them? I think maybe I could ask them how their day is going? Also, is it normal to feel weird both before and after approaching? I felt like I was out of place/shouldn't be trying. Any feedback appreciated.
Congratulations on mustering the courage to talk to females. Study the book and keep at it. You can only get better.
Read More
30 Y/O Beginner with some questions
Hey y’all, trying to figure out how to improve my situation as much as possible within my current means. I’m currently unemployed and have been fighting depression but therapy has been helping. I’ve cleaned up my diet, and I’m starting to work out more regularly. Down 35 lbs so far with 35 more to go. I’ve begun replacing my wardrobe so I don’t look homeless using reddit’s male fashion advice basics. Read most of the sidebar and the rational male, still making my way through the book of pook. After that I will read day game.
My main issue is I have been spending my days playing video games and watching TV and never leaving the house. I haven’t been on a date in over 10 years and am still a virgin. I’m currently living with my parents. I’m planning on saving up to buy a house when I get a job, but I don’t think I’ll reach that goal for another 18 months for when I can get my own place. My current plan is to begin to re-expose myself to social environments and talking to people, and raise my SMV as much as possible until I can become employed again.
Overall Goals: -10% body fat -Find employment with at least 70k a year so I can save up for a house by the end of the year -Force myself to be social so I can talk to people without being weird -Ask a girl for her number before May 30(while this seems easy, I have never done this before and want to lose a bit more weight and finish fixing wardrobe before I try)
Daily Plan to Prevent Myself from self-isolation: Morning – Workout, Go to coffee shop and work on Resume/ Job Search 4 hours (Coffee shop is where I will be exposed to other people so I’m not isolated for days on end) Afternoon- Read self-development 3 hours Evening – This is the part I struggle with the most, my evenings are usually empty, and with that emptiness I just watch TV or porn. I plan to try and start volunteering in order to broaden my horizons and the number of people I meet while not spending any money except for gas. I will also try hobby group meetups for stuff I’m interested in.
Advice Needed: I am open to suggestions on any of this plan if anyone sees an issue I’m blind to. What are some good ideas on how to spend my evening productive, because I’m used to having the mindset “I’ve earned a break in the evening” despite doing minimal things to have earned a break. I don’t drink (sober 2 years) and don’t like bars, so I don’t really want to go there unless I have to, so open to suggestions on how to meet women or friends. All my friends are married with kids and don’t do anything, so meeting people through friends isn’t really a good option. For online dating, I’ve only attracted overweight women, should I just go on dates even though I’m not attracted to them for practice?
Brainstorming for current issues: For evenings I'm leaning more towards reading fantasy hobby or practicing a skill although I don't know what skills could help SMV while working on it at home. Meeting women I think hobby groups would be my best bet, such as board game groups, hiking groups, and running groups as these are things I am actually interested in. Are there any easy hobby groups to meet women in? As for online dating, my intuition is to not date women I don't have any attraction to, but I'm not sure if my lack of experience is extreme enough to date them anyway to try and get that experience.
I wasted my entire 20s to depression so really trying to improve now, thank you for your time and advice.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Read More