@GetMoreBooks

First Approach at 30

Field Report Last Post: www.forums.red/p/asktrp/323965/30_y_o_beginner_with_some_questions

Learning Game from Day Bang. Only read up to the part where he talked about eliminating approach anxiety. Next section said "After a few dozen approaches", so I decided to get out there and approach.

Hey y’all, been making good progress since my last post. Continued losing weight(still ways to go to not be overweight) , been lifting 3x a week, joined social groups(kickball, community theatre as a set helper). Been talking to more people to work on my social skills. Stopped watching porn and playing games.

Stuff I’m still working on: Still no luck getting a job in my field. Think I might just go be a server for awhile until I can find an entry level position in my field. Still living with parents, won’t be able to financially move out for 18 more months if I get a minimum wage job so I can build up emergency fund.

I approached for the first time in my life at 30, looking for feedback.

1st Approach: Said I like a girls shirt in passing, she wasn’t looking at me, glanced and made eye contact with me, then looked away after she realized I was talking to her. We were walking in opposite directions and I had no idea what I was doing, so I just kept walking. My question is how do you talk to women you see on the street? Do you just walk up to them and say how’s the weather?

Where I could have improved: I don’t think approaching on the street is going to work for me, I don’t think I’m handsome enough. I should probably avoid this if there’s no strong IOIs.

2nd Approach: In a bookstore, there were two girls browsing some books. Took a minute before I worked up the courage, and then I walked up to them and asked if they had found anything interesting. We chatted about some old mini books they had, then I complimented the girl I was interested in dress. She kinda just froze and looked at me, and then smiled and said thanks. I wasn’t sure where to go from here, told them to have a good one and went back to browsing.

How I think I could have done better: Maybe talk some more about books I’ve read lately, honestly not sure how I could have saved this one. She seemed responsive but the friend seemed like I was a bother.

3rd approach, most positive response and most attractive:I was browsing at the same bookstore, and this hottie was walking by and I said I like your tattoo. She responded really positively. I asked if it was of a certain forest( it was some trees) and she said no it was her first tattoo. I then complemented a certain aspect of the tattoo, and she said thanks. Again, I wasn’t sure what to do next so I complimented her earrings, and she said thanks, smiled, and then walked away. Really beating myself up on this one since she seemed to actually respond well but I fumbled hard.

Where I could have improved: After the tattoo compliment I could have just asked for her number or if she was free to grab a cup of coffee.

Overall Self Analysis: Happy I approached despite how botched the attempts were. It seems like the only way I know how to show interest is to compliment them and then I don’t know what to do. I think I’ll keep working on talking to strangers and having conversations with them. How do I show interest besides complimenting them? I think maybe I could ask them how their day is going? Also, is it normal to feel weird both before and after approaching? I felt like I was out of place/shouldn't be trying. Any feedback appreciated.

Congratulations on mustering the courage to talk to females. Study the book and keep at it. You can only get better.

@medstudentgerman2002

Can’t fuck LTR due to dick problems (temporary)

So I got some infection related problems and haven’t been able to fuck for like several weeks now due to low sex drive and risk of infection. Also I think it has lowered my testosterone, I have way less energy and tbh I‘m less dominant when with her. Treatment hasn’t really worked so far but if everything goes well this will be fixed in 1-2 weeks.

Our relationship dynamic just doesn’t work without the emotions from sex. At first she was patient but the past week she’s started to disrespect me and becoming more demanding. Also I’ve infected her at least 3 times over the past couple months and she associates my dick with STDs

How do I deal with this? I can’t just next her since she’s an LTR. I already decided I won’t marry this chick but I still want to keep her since we spend good time together and she lets me fuck other girls.

Attempt to answer own Q: spend less time with her, make her miss me. Doesn’t feel right to do this though

You study medicine and a caught yourself a drug resistant form of S.T.D.?

@Zed_2k

Can’t shake resentment over my girlfriend’s past—even though she’s done everything right since. Do I walk or work through it?

I’m a 25-year-old guy (my girlfriend is 25) raised in a traditional Iraqi culture. I’ve left the religion and a lot of the social expectations that come with it, but there’s still a part of me that’s deeply wired by how I grew up—especially around women, purity, and what makes a woman “marriage material.”

I’ve been with my current girlfriend for about a year. She has a bad relationship with her father as he always has been phsycially and emotionally abusive, her mom is a successful gynecologist who never submits to a man as the men in her life are pathetic failures. My gf has nonetheless been extremely loving, submissive, loyal, and feminine. I was her first real physical experience ( we did everything but she is still technically a virgin), and I’ve led the relationship from the start. She listens, tries to improve (never repeats the same mistake), obeys, even started therapy when I suggested it. Emotionally, she’s fully imprinted on me. Honestly, I’ve never experienced a woman loving this hard or this loyally. I am her first actual relationship and she is mine. Before the guy she kissed she had only one close guy she used to talk to (long distance) and he fumbled her (by not comitting) and tried to get her back but she blocked him and moved on years ago.

Here’s the problem.

She told me early on that before me, she had one dating experience that lasted a month and a half. She said they kissed, nothing else, and it didn’t go anywhere. At the time, I brushed it off. But recently, I asked more questions. She gave me the full story: • She met the guy (a 34-year-old basketball player—she was 23) at a game. • He pursued her, flattered her, and they went on 15–20 dates over two months. • Around date 5, she started kissing him. • He tried to escalate sexually, invite her over, get physical—she rejected all of it. • Eventually, she realized he wasn’t serious about a relationship (he was going back to his ex in another country), so she cut it off and said she regretted even kissing him. • She admitted she was craving validation and closeness at the time, since her family environment was abusive and neglectful. • Said she never felt emotionally safe or connected as he kept convos shallow that's why she retracted

This is the only guy she ever kissed before me. No sex, no deep emotional bonding. Just a weak phase in her life where she was lonely and got caught up in attention and the fantasy of being wanted. She at some point said that she made it a point to herself before she decided to date him for fun that she would not "touch him" (sexually) or get touched sexually either as she believed that required a deep emotional bond.

Now here’s where I’m stuck.

Since hearing the full story, something inside me shifted. I feel like the fire I had for her dimmed. I can’t shake this thought of:

“She gave something—even just a kiss—to a guy who didn’t deserve it. Someone I would never respect. How could she let that happen if she really valued herself?”

Me personally? I have only ever dated 1 woman and taken her to be on date 3 (that was my first experience) but I never actually had sex with her as it didn't feel right so I thought my virginity should belong to a woman I love, then found my current gf and she wants to wait til marriage (fine by me if I do end up putting a ring on it).

What’s messing me up is that she’s done everything right with me. She’s saved everything else for me, worships me, obeys, and is healing herself for us. She’s even expressed guilt over her past and said she wishes she could take it back.

But I can’t help this gut-level resentment. Like her value dropped in my eyes once I found out how lightly she gave something emotional/physical to a man without commitment, without love, just because she wanted to feel wanted. How poor her vetting was since she retracted only after realizing she won't be able to live out her love story with him.

I’m not sure what to do.

Part of me thinks: “She’s not perfect, but she’s rare. Good enough to build with, especially in this modern world.”

Another part says: “If she did that once, it proves she didn’t hold herself to the standard I need to fully respect her as my wife.”

I’m not trying to be insecure—I just know how I feel. And how I feel is off.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I only started getting this feeling the moment I started considering marrying her (I never thought of marriage before this) now that we are 10 months in. I don't get why I never minded her past and thought it was extremely clean up until now.

⸻

TL;DR: Girlfriend was submissive, loyal, virgin, and deeply in love with me. Only had one dating experience before me, kissed a guy for 2 months, never had sex, cut it off when she saw he wasn’t serious. I only got the full story recently, and now I feel like I lost respect for her and can’t shake the resentment. She’s doing everything right, but the fact that she gave part of herself to someone I see as low-value is haunting me. Is this salvageable, or is it a sign I need to walk?

Did you date other girls other before you dated her?

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.