I have been with my LTR for 8 years and I was on her phone after a clubbing night because my phone had died. I was listening to music on YouTube while she was cooking breakfast.
An Instagram message notification popped up which was another man (we'll name him John) from a previous job she used to work at messaging her. I quickly clicked onto the message to check and scrolled through insanely quickly, but I couldn't read the messages because she then came back into the room a few times, it's funny because she would never come into the room as much as she did when cooking me breakfast (it was as if she was checking up on me and was worried I was on her phone). She didn't know I saw the message.
In the end, I didn't ask her about it or pull her up on it and carried on as normal.
A few days ago, I felt like throwing a test her way so I asked her as a joke if she wanted to swap phones - there was no reason for me to go on her phone at that moment in time, but I wanted to gauge her reaction. Her response wasn't great and she was spouting the 'don't you trust me' bollocks and I ended the conversation by saying it was a joke (we never swapped phones).
I have recently found out (after me asking to go onto her phone as a test), that she has deleted the Instgram messages between her and John. Please note that she doesn't delete messages because every other message was still there when she was scrolling through her message list, besides the conversation with her and John.
How can I attack this?
For example, I'm going to message her out of the blue saying something along the lines of: I'm going to ask you a very serious question now and this is your ONLY chance to be honest with me about what has happened because if you lie to me, we're finished.
'I have received a message from someone saying you have seen another man behind my back (I don't actually know whether she has seen/fucked him or not, I am just trying to extract information because she thinks someone else is involved by messaging me and she will assume I can just ask this person messaging me if she tries to lie) and I will see if she comes clean about what she has been doing
What do you think?
Only that you should consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
It reads like you've already gotten enough information to figure that she's keeping something from you. Your gut's telling you that something's wrong, so definitely pay attention. Hopefully, you two don't live together or have kids with each other, so you can make a clean break and move on with your life. If not, you may want to put together a quiet plan that factors in the need to keep what you know to yourself as you build up the momentum to engage a hard break. Regardless of what you decide, best of luck to ya.
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