@Pan87 We caution against oneitis and unicorns for good reason. Oxytocin is a hell of a drug and can skew your perceptions of a particular woman.
While I don't believe in ideas like One True Partner Out There, or Soulmates; something you learn after sifting through large numbers of women: Vaginas are somewhat fungible; relationships are absolutely not. There are some individuals out there with whom you personally just click. Instead of thinking of them as somehow special or magical, recognize them as a subset of high-compatibility individuals. Cultivate the skill of differentiating genuine commonalities from false mirroring of your personality and interests which happens to a small degree in all relationships but is amplified with axis II disorders.
A lot of guys seem to manifest this binary hot-cold relationship management style with no nuance or fine subtle control. You're either together with her or you break up. LTR management and Dread Game are tools of vernier-fine control. They are thus harder to use but are much more versatile than nukes. I remember a (fool of a) colleague who had just separated from his wife, and while clearly not ready for anything more complicated than a fuck buddy, immediately LTR'd up a savvy single mom stripper. About 2 months in he was having trouble exerting control over her and broke up with her a couple of times in the same week. Finally she kinda deadpanned to him, "[Fool], you can't just keep breaking up with me every time we disagree on something."
My own personal approach to this has been to have a hierarchy of women. They start as FWB or plates, but I like ongoing things more than novelty so they can earn their way to more commitment. One who earns her way to primary/official girlfriend status, is given a don't ask, don't tell environment. I take care that none of my lower tier relationships ever come to her attention, and if they do I am willing to apologize and make amends for that, but not for the fact of having done it as that's not our exact agreement. Meanwhile all of the other tier relationships are aware of their exact position with me, though a DADT environment keeps things running smoothly here too. On the other extreme was a plate who was so cool with it that without games or passive aggression, would make small talk about my main GF in the same light and casual manner as telling me about her daughter's latest 4-H project. Not everyone accepts OLTR, but the DADT system works very well with those who do.
To me the takeaways from this story were:
- Learn to wield relationship management skills for better outcomes
- Going completely cold on a non-shitty LTR is misusing power tools suited for willfully misbehaving plates. Dread has numerous levels, not a binary here or gone
- When a woman is working hard to fulfill your needs and forgive your peccadillos, it's smart trade to make sure some of her needs are fulfilled in exchange. It's "beta" to do so upon demand, expectation, etc, but you're not going to keep your top level women around forever on sheer dick power alone. The trick is to proactively offer things of your choosing to fulfill her needs, keeping her emotional cup from running empty
- This gal could have been managed into any number of long term places in your roster, or parted amicably. You chose to burn the bridge, and leave her feeling burned too in the process
- Stop thinking about breakup. Stop thinikng about her. Do not think how to get her back either, won't happen and it's a waste of effort and time.
1a. Do you think about her with your dick? Do you still get the "oneitis" after you cum? I think that you don't heve oneitis for her, I think your dick has, meaning you got addicted to having sex with her, not to her directly.
List all of her positive qualities, then go through the "600" women before her and notice some of them had it too. Is the THAT unique? No.
List her negative qualitites. Is she really THAT perfect at closer inspection? No, she's not.
You don't have "red pill sex addiction". Why do you pickup women? You need sex? You need variety? You need challange? You game b/c you like to game? There's always a reason for doing something like pickup "600" times succesfuly. Find out why, so you can enjoy gaming girls again.
What do you do outside sex-life? Meaning do you have a passion, a goal, a mission you enjoy doing more? IOW what takes priority over women? If not, find one, the rule being it's my passion/mission b/c I can easily ignore women and do that instead.
Find new friends, preferably ones that are into the activity from point no 5.
- Finally, the "I cant cum" issue. Follow the RSD Tyler's advice "follow the power of boobies". IOW stop thinking about how the current girl is bad, how she compares, start noticing her beauty and sexuality.
I thought i'd share my red pill journey, and horrible reversion into blue pill "Oneitis".
I was red-pilling for 7 years after discovering Heartiste, went through 600 women, and then got tired of casual sex. I got a similar burnout to Roosh.
At the point of getting burn-out, I decided it would be a better idea to get a steady girlfriend and recuperate.
A month after getting burn-out I met a girl and slowly developed oneitis for her. This was 2 years ago.
When I met her initially I liked her, but not too much. One thing that immediately stood out to me was that I was able to have long conversations with her and not get bored. I recognised she was hot and intelligent and a great catch, but my heart of stone refused to let her in. She worshipped me and was a love slave. The balance of power was perfect...but then I started getting itchy for sex with something new. About 5 months into the relationship she caught me cheating (broke into my phone - i had a lazy password). She didn't leave me and I was able to get things back on track quite quickly, however she was now hyper-vigilant,. Broken trust has an incredibly corrosive effect. I gradually started to become a bit bitter towards her.
6 months later she caught me cheating again, this time finding videos of me pounding a girl on our bed (I sometimes like to film my sexual encounters). I was very careless about hiding my videos and I probably wanted her to find them. I probably subconsciously wanted to sabotage the relationship because I felt that I was losing control and this girl was getting in too deep. She broke up with me a few months after discovering these videos, but I was able to re-attract her and get her back into the relationship within a month. This caused me to think "this girl will never leave me" and thus ensued a deep oneitis, which manifested in just assuming she'd always be there no matter what.
After the cheating, her investment in me slowly began to drop. Almost imperceptibly at first. Gradually I began to realise that she was distancing - increasingly seeing her friends etc. I decided to make a power play and break up with her, but I fucked it up because I didn't really want the break-up. Basically, I told her I wanted to end the relationship and expected her to fight for me. She didn't. She decided to leave me that day and I lost my shit at her. Grabbed her neck and commanded her to "fix the relationship." I totally lost composure (I'd be smoking a tonne of weed for months straight - probably as a way to subconsciously cope with the deterioration of the relationship). At this point I was actually a bit worried she would go to the police because I'd been physically violent with her and strangled her. However, after I grabbed her neck and shouted at her for a while she left in tears. I didn't think I'd lost her at this point and my confidence was high.
After she left me, she actually came back that same day in tears and confusion. I kissed her forehead, told her everything would be okay, and sent her on her way. She called me the following night and I told her I needed space (I honestly wanted to stop smoking weed and clear my head). She called me again the following night and I ignored her. She didn't call again for a week and I began to get a dreaded feeling.
After a week of silence, I tried to get in contact with her and discovered I was blocked everywhere.
Personally, it's been a shattering experience for me. I feel it is well deserved because I played the game and lost. But in losing her, I began to form the opinion that this girl is remarkably unique and I'll never find another one as good as her (oneitis). Also, I've plowed through many women in my life and barely looked back once. It's almost unbelievable to me that I appear to have completely reverted to blue pill and a deep depression over missing this girl. I didn't think I was capable of these feelings and it's been the roughest period of my life.
It's been nearly 3 months now and I haven't heard a word from her. I've banged 4 women in this time and during each experience I wasn't able to cum.
I've noticed that my red pill sex addiction had isolated me over the years. I forwent many friendships so I could focus on getting laid. But now, in my moment of extreme weakness, I'm trying to figure out how to make some male friends who are into fitness, self-improvement and intellectual chats.
I hope this story resonates with someone here who'd be willing to give me any tips on how to get over a break-up and connect with new friends (all my old friends are massive drug takers and drinkers and I've found that I just can't be around that anymore).
Thanks for reading.Read More