Got back with the love of my life, want to keep my frame, need AskTRP perspective
I’ll try to make this long story short.
I met my girlfriend about 3 years ago. We lived together for about a year and a half. She was a great girlfriend, loyal, never cheated, never broke my trust. But I broke things off because I felt she was lazy and thought I could find a better option. I admit I spoiled her a lot because I loved her.
3 months after the breakup, I missed her and reached back out. She was honest and told me she had met someone new at her job and wanted to explore that. I respected it and stepped back.
She dated that guy for a year. During that whole time, I was still helping support her mom and brother (something I had always done, since I cared about them deeply). At one point she and that guy broke up for 2 weeks, during which she reconnected with me. We hooked up, talked every day, and I thought we were on track to get back together, but she went back to him.
Fast forward to the start of this year: I was arrested, my assets seized, and I went from living with big houses and cars to starting over. Even then, I still supported her family (and now). A little while later she finally broke up with that guy, and after a month or so she reached out to me again. By then, I didn’t have my lifestyle anymore, so I know she didn’t come back just for money.
We started taking things slow. Recently while laying in bed she told me: “After that 2-week split with my ex, I knew we’d eventually get back together. I just needed to make a clean exit with him and make sure I was making the right decision.” Later, she told me things like: “I love you so much,” “You make me feel like the happiest woman alive,” “You’re mine forever.”
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My interpretation: • On one hand, I believe she’s the love of my life. She came back to me after I lost everything, which makes me think her love is genuine. • On the other hand, I know I’ve been guilty of pedestalizing her and her family. I also realize I haven’t always held frame — I’ve been more focused on keeping her happy than on setting boundaries. • I want this LTR to work, but I want to do it without slipping back into old patterns.
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My questions to AskTRP:
- How should I navigate this LTR going forward?
- How do I keep my frame and avoid falling into the “provider” role again while giving this LTR a chance?
- What boundaries would you set in my situation (especially regarding her family)?
- What red flags should I watch out for moving forward?
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
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