She Said “Things Will Be Different This Time”… Then Everything Changed
A few months back, a woman came back into my life. We had history. She’d broken up with her ex about three months earlier, and when she reached out, she genuinely wanted to rebuild something real.
From there, things moved fast. We started working out together daily, even went on a diet together. The chemistry came rushing back, emotionally, mentally, and physically. We were having sex constantly, laughing, connecting, and for the first time in years, she was the one chasing. It felt natural, mutual, and easy.
About a week before she found out she was pregnant, she told me “I love you” for the first time in years. She said she felt safe with me and that “things will be different this time.” I believed her. It felt like we were finally aligned.
Then she found out she was pregnant, and everything shifted. She became distant, colder, emotionally guarded. I tell myself part of it might be hormones or fear, but it’s hard not to feel the change.
Recently, she worked a job again, for her ex. She used to work for his company when they were together. It’s not full-time; she just helps package and ship products occasionally, maybe a day or two at a time. I don’t believe it’s about him emotionally, (might be some emotional residue I don’t know) I think it’s her trying to escape reality/hold on to some independence a bit now that she feels it slipping away because of the pregnancy. They say hormones may get women to act irrationally..
The moment I felt her energy shift, I pulled back. I stopped chasing, stopped trying to fix things, and focused on staying composed. I made one mistake early on I questioned paternity since she was distant. (Even though I know it’s not true we were together all day, every day during her conception window) Since then, I’ve kept my frame, given her space, and tried to handle things with patience and respect. I still care deeply for her, but I’m trying to move through this with strength, not fear or attachment.
If any of you have been in a situation like this, where love and distance clash, how did you stay grounded? How do you keep your masculine center when the woman you love starts to pull away at the exact time you both need connection most?
Let me end this with saying we weren't truly ever 'Official' again.
Thanks for reading.
My interpretation is don't overreact even if it seems like she might be losing her mind and acting irrationally because of her hormones but how can I not overreact while i feel betrayed and disrespected.
My questions to ask trp:
Am I crazy for still having hope?
Is it fair to blame everything on hormones?
Do you think time and space actually make a difference in situations like this?
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Study the book. Let the dumb monkey swing to some other branch on the stupid tree. She had her chance with you and blew it.
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Got back with the love of my life, want to keep my frame, need AskTRP perspective
I’ll try to make this long story short.
I met my girlfriend about 3 years ago. We lived together for about a year and a half. She was a great girlfriend, loyal, never cheated, never broke my trust. But I broke things off because I felt she was lazy and thought I could find a better option. I admit I spoiled her a lot because I loved her.
3 months after the breakup, I missed her and reached back out. She was honest and told me she had met someone new at her job and wanted to explore that. I respected it and stepped back.
She dated that guy for a year. During that whole time, I was still helping support her mom and brother (something I had always done, since I cared about them deeply). At one point she and that guy broke up for 2 weeks, during which she reconnected with me. We hooked up, talked every day, and I thought we were on track to get back together, but she went back to him.
Fast forward to the start of this year: I was arrested, my assets seized, and I went from living with big houses and cars to starting over. Even then, I still supported her family (and now). A little while later she finally broke up with that guy, and after a month or so she reached out to me again. By then, I didn’t have my lifestyle anymore, so I know she didn’t come back just for money.
We started taking things slow. Recently while laying in bed she told me: “After that 2-week split with my ex, I knew we’d eventually get back together. I just needed to make a clean exit with him and make sure I was making the right decision.” Later, she told me things like: “I love you so much,” “You make me feel like the happiest woman alive,” “You’re mine forever.”
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My interpretation: • On one hand, I believe she’s the love of my life. She came back to me after I lost everything, which makes me think her love is genuine. • On the other hand, I know I’ve been guilty of pedestalizing her and her family. I also realize I haven’t always held frame — I’ve been more focused on keeping her happy than on setting boundaries. • I want this LTR to work, but I want to do it without slipping back into old patterns.
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My questions to AskTRP:
- How should I navigate this LTR going forward?
- How do I keep my frame and avoid falling into the “provider” role again while giving this LTR a chance?
- What boundaries would you set in my situation (especially regarding her family)?
- What red flags should I watch out for moving forward?
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
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