Could this LTR issue have been prevented/dealt with through frame?
Went through a breakup recently and have been thinking a lot about it to first and foremost, own my shit, but also recognize deal breakers that cannot be fixed through frame. There was a lot of stuff I could have done better and my frame wasn't perfect, but that isn't the point so I won't go into all that. For brevity, could the following issue have been fixed through stronger frame? Or was it a red flag and I chose right jamming?
Her (25) parents seemed to always try to interject in our finances. I (27) had set the boundary a couple times already. They are definitely helicopter parents and she would go to them for everything instead of me. The thing that ultimately lead to breakup was that I went on a trip with some friends and paid maybe $50-$100 toward a friend's way since he through not his fault has very low funds (I help him out like this maybe once a year if that). When I got back, she tried to tell me I couldn't be generous toward him anymore. I couldn't have that conversation with a friend I have had since I was a child, so I put my foot down, squashed that, she buckled and she dropped it. She then went to the parents for backup, parents backed her up, they put it to an ultimatum to me as in comply or get out, and I peaced out. Maybe I could have tried to talk to them, called their bluff, or told her our finances are our business and not theirs. But at the time I made a value judgement of their family views on it as irreconcilable; money isn't more important than people and I am doing good financially. Felt also that her parents would always try to be invasive/she would run to them. Maybe my bigger question is, can the parents and also a girl not getting off the tit be a deal breaker? What would you guys have done? Thanks in advance.
To answer my own question: Should have put the foot down and told her that my finances are no business of the parents. Continued to maintain frame regarding parents.
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This reads like the girls family comes from a third world or post-Soviet society culture, regardless frame wouldn't have helped with this girl. You simply didn't have the confidence and experience needed to understand that this girl requires that in order for a man to be involved with her, they must also be willing to secure her parents approval. As this is of no interest to you, you shouldn't have let the relationship advance any further the first time you encountered this particular phenomena of her culture and simply moved on to someone else.
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