I've been exclusive with a woman I had previously been involved with some years ago, this time for a few months. It wasn't long after ending things with the girl in my last post. It seemed like a really great idea at the time... you know how that goes...
She's an awesome woman for the most part: sex as much as I want, kinky, fun to spend time with, easy to get along with, great body, cute, smart, driven, good income. Her biggest issue is that she is very anxious, and will anxiety dump on me about relationship insecurities among other things; she had a rough childhood. But as with every woman I've dated (no matter how hot), the call of the strange eventually beckons. I commonly have exposure to a handful of 9's/10's (teachers, nurses, a social worker, etc.), all of whom I would bet money would go out for a drink if I asked. It wasn't like this years ago before I lifted, was less unattractive, and was decent at game.
I have the ambition to, in time, have children and start a family, and this is something she is very serious about as well. I'm late 20s, she is early/mid 20s, so it makes sense for her to be in a rush about it. But at the same time what guy doesn't fantasize about hot young nurses and teachers that you could possibly close? It almost seems like abundance, confidence, and consistent previous success have gotten me to the point where once the honeymoon phase wears off, the lack of scarcity has set in a sense of interchangeability to girls and removed risk of loss.
To answer my own question, the counterargument to that is that women are neither Madonna's nor whores, and so if you could see yourself in a shared life with one, kids in the picture, then go for it, warts and all. That is, if kids are the goal. They'll all have warts of some kind.
On the other hand, one could easily say, why not spin plates for longer? Sow your wild oats? My fear there is giving up on a girl with flaws I can deal with who has a lot going for her.
I fear this post comes off like a huge "should I?" and I do not mean it as such. I ask of the older, more experienced men here that may be able to offer wisdom further down the pipe, what have you learned in hindsight? The answer may be "figure out what you want," and if so, fair enough. Either way, thanks guys.
Whatever you ultimately decide, you don't need our permission or approval to do it. Study the book, take care of yourself, and pursue what you're after in your time with this chick.
If you decide that she's all you need in that area of your life, then educate yourselves on what's required to make it work, and try to lay down a solid foundation upon which the relationship can be built. If you're not certain you're ready to settle down, or still debating settling down at all, then be clear with her in that regard so your conscience is clear going forward.
Read MoreCould this LTR issue have been prevented/dealt with through frame?
Went through a breakup recently and have been thinking a lot about it to first and foremost, own my shit, but also recognize deal breakers that cannot be fixed through frame. There was a lot of stuff I could have done better and my frame wasn't perfect, but that isn't the point so I won't go into all that. For brevity, could the following issue have been fixed through stronger frame? Or was it a red flag and I chose right jamming?
Her (25) parents seemed to always try to interject in our finances. I (27) had set the boundary a couple times already. They are definitely helicopter parents and she would go to them for everything instead of me. The thing that ultimately lead to breakup was that I went on a trip with some friends and paid maybe $50-$100 toward a friend's way since he through not his fault has very low funds (I help him out like this maybe once a year if that). When I got back, she tried to tell me I couldn't be generous toward him anymore. I couldn't have that conversation with a friend I have had since I was a child, so I put my foot down, squashed that, she buckled and she dropped it. She then went to the parents for backup, parents backed her up, they put it to an ultimatum to me as in comply or get out, and I peaced out. Maybe I could have tried to talk to them, called their bluff, or told her our finances are our business and not theirs. But at the time I made a value judgement of their family views on it as irreconcilable; money isn't more important than people and I am doing good financially. Felt also that her parents would always try to be invasive/she would run to them. Maybe my bigger question is, can the parents and also a girl not getting off the tit be a deal breaker? What would you guys have done? Thanks in advance.
To answer my own question: Should have put the foot down and told her that my finances are no business of the parents. Continued to maintain frame regarding parents.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
This reads like the girls family comes from a third world or post-Soviet society culture, regardless frame wouldn't have helped with this girl. You simply didn't have the confidence and experience needed to understand that this girl requires that in order for a man to be involved with her, they must also be willing to secure her parents approval. As this is of no interest to you, you shouldn't have let the relationship advance any further the first time you encountered this particular phenomena of her culture and simply moved on to someone else.
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