She agreed to meet up and seems pretty high interest.
She tried to hit me with how going no contact was "unnecessary" but she's asked me out to dinner.
I'll feel it out because I've already began preparing to break up. I'll stay my hand for now and use this to practice some of the materials I've been reading up on.
Videoing the break up is a good shout.
My frame at the moment is I won't tolerate bullshit anymore and she needs to prove herself to me. I'm within the scope of dating other girls anyway as we met when she had opened her relationship with her ex.
New chapter. New rules.
I didn't get any message so I initiated this morning by text. I sent:
"Hey, how you doin'?
The sun woke me up when my alarm clock failed!
Yesterday really allowed me to think things through in the sun, grab some food, grab a couple drinks and return home to read like a demon.
It also allowed me to start figuring out my direction in life. I realise that I haven't been the best version of me that i can be of late. Hope your bank holiday has been a great one!"
It's near the end and I think the next step will be formal break up and no contact. I've been readying myself for it by using stoic visualisation to imagine the worst ways it could go and to rid myself off excessive oneitis induced emotions.
I stuck your YouTube video on first thing this morning. Thanks for sending it over.
I've already started targeting things I need to work on and develop in myself. The three major areas are lack of social circles, my nice guy tendencies and lack of driving purpose to focus on.
I realise that at the moment, I don't have a life that meets my needs and from the standpoint of dating/relationships, it doesn't offer value to women.
That's not to say I don't have strengths and I spent some time thinking over them.
I have/had oneitis for my (I'm assuming) soon to be ex gf. Your words were really helpful for me and the story about your dad. That's proof that life is what we make of it.
@Changecomesfromwithin You're not the first man in history to have experienced this. It's especially common with first or early deep and intense relationships. Next one that doesn't make the cut, it won't cut as deeply. I remember feeling like this about my first GF in my late teens, and a couple of my first Oneitises. Flash forward to about 5 years ago when I was hitting the Red Pill stride of my lifetime with women; I was looking through my emails for something from this era and saw names of women I dated and slept with for months and completely forgot about for all these years since.
This isn't to say harden your heart and make it invulnerable and calloused to future love that may go better. It''s a matter of making it through the rough present and letting go of that past that wasn't working out. Reflect some on things you might do better next time, but don't immersively dwell on the past either.
Instead, immerse yourself in your mission, and explore new things- new hobbies, new environments. Don't stuff and suppress the bad memories, overwrite them with newer and better ones.
Back to the history of this: In the mid-60s, my Dad was engaged to a woman and weeks before the wedding date when invitations had gotten mailed out, she walked off on him. He was devastated, and like many put together what I later determined was an open reel mixtape from this era that included the attached song, which is actually a cool very early Motown music video authentically filmed in the Ford factory where they're making the first Mustangs. Life feels like this in the immediate aftermath of a breakup but stay strong and focused on your mission. My Dad said after this he swore off love forever, but a few months later someone introduced him to my Mom and by 2 years later they were married and I was born. They stayed together to the end, even when he got chronically sick his final years. It was a good marriage.
Your life will get better soon. It's natural to feel pain at loss of someone good, but that's just part of it we probably all go through.Read More
I'm having a rough night.
I went out and I ended up coming back home. I couldn't face socialsing with people.
The truth is I'm aware my life is not where I want it to be and I buried my head in the sand for too long. Maybe because I didn't feel I deserved a good life.
I have so many places that remind me of her. So many memories. Our first date was the best I've ever been on and I feel I ruined it by being a nice guy. Being insecure. I'm also aware she was overly selfish and in the past two months, I was knocked down to a lower rung on the priority ladder.
I've spent the night after getting home wanting to say something but knowing that if I do, i make things worse. There are so many places I'm at everyday with memories attached.
Can anyone give me advice?
There is some shit feeling. I've used the stoic exercise of visualising the worst situations I could come across as she lives in the same city.
I mean I could come across her tonight. In the same way, I'm not allowing myself to sit inside and dwell. I'll use the energy towards building myself.
At the moment, my best hand is to take the space as an opportunity to focus on myself. I'm 90% certain she is chasing the high of someone else. There's no other explanation for her being all over me one minute initiating morning sex (when usually it was me in the morning when we had an overnight) , me thinking it was sorted to this again.
My mindset is the relationship has already died. At this point, her behaviour led to this. Her fuel/actions led to my match bring struck/beta behaviour.
At this point, I'm checked out. As they say in chess and a particular marvel film, we are in the end game.
I'll play the move that aligns with my own self interest. She can choose to yield or the game will run it's course.
Thanks man. I feel full of drive to work on myself. Learn what I can from this.
Update on the Temple Of Doom relationship train.
Things went complete 180 after her work night out. She went quiet. More distant. None of the usual selfies. Which confirms in my mind she was down to fuck a colleague, likely the dude that sits next to her.
All the cutesy nicknames disappeared. I did my own thing and kept busy. Went for a day out. She sent something over "I thought you'd like this."
She was off out with her sister. With two visitors from their home country. Her sis that recently broke up with her boyfriend.
It came to later at night and we were meant to meet the day after. I knew it was coming from her behaviour.
" I'll be honest I was thinking how to say this but I'm not feeling great at the moment about us. I feel like the trust was broken and I'm having trouble going back to where I was. I'd rather postpone the trip and have some space this weekend"
I said "I feel the same. Okay. I'll take some space and focus on myself."
She tried to prompt me "What are you needing space for?"
I didn't Deer. Stuck to my original point.
Then I got "You felt the same and yet you waited until I brought it up?"
I replied "Yeah I think it will be good for me"
I told her I was having a limited phone day, to spend some time on me.
I'm pretty certain she's meeting new dude but to be honest I really don't care anymore. I'm going no contact until she reaches out to me. If she doesn't reach out by the end of the day she said we would be back in touch, I'll arrange a meet to formally break up.
I feel positive after a day without her. I don't need her in my life.
I'm heading out to the city on my own to practice some game and hit a few clubs.
Thanks for all the advice.Read More
@Changecomesfromwithin Aaah, you meant CO. That stuff is super-dangerous in low concentrations because it binds to hemoglobin hundreds of times more strongly than O2. The effect is cumulative with low exposure and takes time to blow it all off. Inhale enough and you can suffocate even given pure oxygen to breathe.
My co2 detector went off and I felt dizzy. My heart was racing. My boiler had been leaking some co2 into the house.
The boiler is fixed and I'm alright. I got checked at the hospital as a precaution. They told me I was safe to go home.