1y ago The Hub
I'm in a complicated situation and I'd appreciate some wisdom.
I've been dating a woman who was in an open relationship for around 10 months . Her and her bf opened it just months before we started dating.
Everything was pretty good. I had the opportunity to seek out other women if I wanted. Except I caught feels so I was never really interested.
Queue various behind the scenes things from the bf that essentially led to my time getting less frequent. Less flirty communication. She stopped asking me to meet, whereas before we'd be pretty much both arranging our time together.
They broke up around 4 weeks ago. He moved out two weeks ago. Since then, she has become less distant. I've met her friends and family. Met her parents just last week.
The main things that have been pissing me off is that the sex has become less exciting. It just feels like we go through the motions and she doesn't seem there. Last week I tried to escalate and she rejected me sexually. Saying in a joking way "Someone's horny today" and then "I have stuff on my mind, so I haven't really had a chance to stop" so I didn't act butt hurt at the time. We did end up having sex later when we went to bed.
Less time together. She's distant. She met her ex for "dinner and to sort stuff" and shirked my attempt to arrange a call later. Didn't offer an alternative.
So I called her out on it and she exploded. Telling me how most of our disagreements were via messaging. That she won't contact me on messaging anymore.
Then I mentioned that I felt she wasn't putting in the effort to arrange time together. I've brought it up before and everytime she makes out we see each other enough and I'm emotionally manipulating her. It ended with me saying I was off to bed and didn't have anymore to say about it. Then she said "goodnight" and left it there. Today I reached out first after thinking I'd just let it sit at read all day. Now she's replying as if nothing has happened.
I'm considering ending things because truthfully, I feel like I'm batting my head against a wall. It's just really confusing to be getting brought "into the family" in her words but then have little sexual chemistry when we are apart. Or less chemistry. I've caught the feels and it's tearing me up inside.
What would you do in my situation?
Read More1y ago The Hub
Yeah I do think that things will just progressively get worse. It's really confusing. Why go to the trouble of introducing me to friends and family, but then act distant? Disinterested in meeting up?
It makes no sense.
I'm taking a day to figure out a game plan.
In hindsight, there was plenty of warning signs. I'm thinking of going Monk Mode after this as at the moment, I'm really not sure women are worth the effort. I'm going to focus on improving myself. Get back to the gym. Build a social circle. Attend therapy.
1y ago The Hub
I do need to improve both.
At the start she was chasing me and it flipped at a point.
There's a lesson in this for me.
Any recommendations for posts on these topics? Or videos?
I'll start improving myself first and go monk mode for a bit. I'm needing some time alone to get myself sorted.
Read MoreI'm in a complicated situation and I'd appreciate some wisdom.
I've been dating a woman who was in an open relationship for around 10 months . Her and her bf opened it just months before we started dating.
Everything was pretty good. I had the opportunity to seek out other women if I wanted. Except I caught feels so I was never really interested.
Queue various behind the scenes things from the bf that essentially led to my time getting less frequent. Less flirty communication. She stopped asking me to meet, whereas before we'd be pretty much both arranging our time together.
They broke up around 4 weeks ago. He moved out two weeks ago. Since then, she has become less distant. I've met her friends and family. Met her parents just last week.
The main things that have been pissing me off is that the sex has become less exciting. It just feels like we go through the motions and she doesn't seem there. Last week I tried to escalate and she rejected me sexually. Saying in a joking way "Someone's horny today" and then "I have stuff on my mind, so I haven't really had a chance to stop" so I didn't act butt hurt at the time. We did end up having sex later when we went to bed.
Less time together. She's distant. She met her ex for "dinner and to sort stuff" and shirked my attempt to arrange a call later. Didn't offer an alternative.
So I called her out on it and she exploded. Telling me how most of our disagreements were via messaging. That she won't contact me on messaging anymore.
Then I mentioned that I felt she wasn't putting in the effort to arrange time together. I've brought it up before and everytime she makes out we see each other enough and I'm emotionally manipulating her. It ended with me saying I was off to bed and didn't have anymore to say about it. Then she said "goodnight" and left it there. Today I reached out first after thinking I'd just let it sit at read all day. Now she's replying as if nothing has happened.
I'm considering ending things because truthfully, I feel like I'm batting my head against a wall. It's just really confusing to be getting brought "into the family" in her words but then have little sexual chemistry when we are apart. Or less chemistry. I've caught the feels and it's tearing me up inside.
What would you do in my situation?
1y ago The Hub
I'll check them out. Thank you for the recommendation.
I'm pretty broken up at the moment. I'll see this through and then start hitting the learning.
1y ago The Hub
What would you do in my situation?
Responders and yourself are saying cut ties completely; I say this comes off as butthurt and wasteful of an established source of willing pussy.
You see her nature better now, right? You (naturally) assumed she was introducing you to friends because she wanted you as her next official boyfriend. Might have had more to do with personal anti-slut defense.
Also, don't discount the fact that she actually does need some time to get her head screwed back on straight after her primary relationship ended. Acting needy and demanding is the worst and most pussy-dessicating response you could choose. Be a fun option for her on those days when she is ready for that.
Remember the Manosphere adage: She's not yours, it's just your turn. You don't have to prematurely terminate your turn here to come out ahead psychologically, in fact I see it as throwing away a good test case to help you develop and internalize your Red Pill mindset.
Go with some push-pull here. Instead of eagerly making yourself available and acting hurt and insistent she spend more time with you, keep busy with your overall mission and casually tell her you two will maybe get together tomorrow or next day (pick one) instead of pushing for today.
If this "works" and she responds by really ramping up the relationship desire, take care not to assume she's being honest even with herself. Don't irrationally fall in love with this one. I've seen cases where the "side dude" assumes the main position in a woman's life many times, but if you even want that at this point it's your duty as a man to make her work for this and prove herself to you.
Read More1y ago The Hub
Yeah I mean 6 years together and then she opened the relationship up.
They broke up because he wasnt happy with it being open.
Advice taken. Thanks.
1y ago The Hub
So use it as an opportunity to upgrade?
Okay so push pull. Continue with my mission. Be fun which is one thing I do have down. I'm able to be cock funny, maybe I let this slide in my relationship too much into clown behaviour.
She sends nudes but infrequently and when I try sexualising she doesn't reciprocate. How do I deal with these instances?
Before she missed me sexually, but now I believe she is sleeping with her ex so there is less sexual tension. How do i strike a balance between NGAF and escalating?
I think regardless this experience will wake me up. I'm wanting to improve for me. Not for her.
1y ago The Hub
I've read the Book Of Pook. I'll read Heartiste next.
I think my major issue is nice guy traits. I have become wrapped in her frame more. At the start, I wasn't. So naturally, she was chasing me. Now she is trying to make me chase her.
She also operates from a frame that suggests she has more options than me.
I'll take your advice. Thanks.
1y ago The Hub
Yeah I'm not being a non sexual tagalong.
What are my choices?
Ditch or use her as a frame of reference to test response toy self improvement for me?