It has been a crazy couple of days. I'm off on an unexpected holiday. An emergency holiday.
My situation has been strange. I have been helping out my parents a lot, to the point they asked me to move in for a bit to help with some DIY, try to help my alcoholic stepfather who has a yet undiagnosed illness that is resulting in his legs and arm skin peeling, inability to walk without pain and muscle pain.
They were helping look after my son while I was at work. Really appreciate them helping out. My stepfather and I have not had the smoothest relationship. For a while, I have been fairly certain he is an undiagnosed Narcissist. This was brought to my attention during lockdown, where we spoke a lot more. He is grandiose. He thinks he is superior to others. He manipulates others. Gaslights my mum and pretty much everyone in the family. Has rage issues when he is revealed to be less perfect than he likes to believe or when he is caught out in a lie.Never admits when he is wrong. I won't rattle off all the traits but he ticks all of the boxes.
I came back to wind down after a pretty crazy day and spend some time with my son. He told me he had something to tell me, so I pulled him aside and we had a chat. It turned out that my dad had been telling him all day that "He was the alpha male of the family", "I get more food than you because I'm the dominant male" and various other attempts to make himself look superior. This was after I let it slide with comments he was making to my son, to try and make him think he arranges visitation, drop off and pick up. Essentially trying to make me look like a chump.
This led to me being direct with him. I asked him "Why were you telling my son all of these things?"
He kept dodging the questions by saying "What are you asking me?I don't know what you are asking me." Which right away let me know it was true. I prompted again. He began to get aggressive, threatened me, told me to get the fuck out. I became aggressive towards him, which I regret, threw a bottle at him and shouted at him. "Fuck off!" , "You are a parasite!" I started packing my shit up and began getting ready to leave. He threatened to call the police, despite threatening to try kick the shit out of me. My son heard me, in his words, "growling at him" and was afraid of the interaction. I reassured him about the whole thing. He was scared he'd get in trouble. I told him he will never get in trouble for being honest with me. He went through to grab his tablet and my stepfather glowered at him. I was in such a rage, I was shaking with anger and struggled to wind down the whole night.I called my manager and asked him for an emergency holiday to try rearrange childcare around him not helping.
Reflecting on the whole situation, I consider that becoming angry was not the right thing to do but I'm human. I was angry at him. Shouting at him was not the right thing to do, however, I never used to let anger out before. Again, I'm human, whether it is the weightlifting and it's effects on my testosterone I don't know. I'm sad because despite him being a prick at times, I did love him. I worry this will break my connection to my mum. That she will be the sole target of his gaslighting, manipulation and mind games. I don't have anyone to talk to about the way I feel. I wanted to post this here to vent but to also see if any men can offer advice on how to deal with this going forward.
Is it wrong for me to want to sever contact between him and my son? If so, how do I navigate this? Also, any reflections on what I could have done differently in this situation?
First, if you know he, or anyone else is a narcissist, never let on that you know. The interactions will be come more dangerous for you and those closest to you once the narcissist is aware that you're aware. Secondly, consider reading this book on the topic. You may find it helpful. Best of luck to you and god bless.
Read MoreJust to clarify, I said bottle. A plastic bottle. Not a glass bottle. That made me sound like some bar brawler which I'm not.
It has been a crazy couple of days. I'm off on an unexpected holiday. An emergency holiday.
My situation has been strange. I have been helping out my parents a lot, to the point they asked me to move in for a bit to help with some DIY, try to help my alcoholic stepfather who has a yet undiagnosed illness that is resulting in his legs and arm skin peeling, inability to walk without pain and muscle pain.
They were helping look after my son while I was at work. Really appreciate them helping out. My stepfather and I have not had the smoothest relationship. For a while, I have been fairly certain he is an undiagnosed Narcissist. This was brought to my attention during lockdown, where we spoke a lot more. He is grandiose. He thinks he is superior to others. He manipulates others. Gaslights my mum and pretty much everyone in the family. Has rage issues when he is revealed to be less perfect than he likes to believe or when he is caught out in a lie.Never admits when he is wrong. I won't rattle off all the traits but he ticks all of the boxes.
I came back to wind down after a pretty crazy day and spend some time with my son. He told me he had something to tell me, so I pulled him aside and we had a chat. It turned out that my dad had been telling him all day that "He was the alpha male of the family", "I get more food than you because I'm the dominant male" and various other attempts to make himself look superior. This was after I let it slide with comments he was making to my son, to try and make him think he arranges visitation, drop off and pick up. Essentially trying to make me look like a chump.
This led to me being direct with him. I asked him "Why were you telling my son all of these things?"
He kept dodging the questions by saying "What are you asking me?I don't know what you are asking me." Which right away let me know it was true. I prompted again. He began to get aggressive, threatened me, told me to get the fuck out. I became aggressive towards him, which I regret, threw a bottle at him and shouted at him. "Fuck off!" , "You are a parasite!" I started packing my shit up and began getting ready to leave. He threatened to call the police, despite threatening to try kick the shit out of me. My son heard me, in his words, "growling at him" and was afraid of the interaction. I reassured him about the whole thing. He was scared he'd get in trouble. I told him he will never get in trouble for being honest with me. He went through to grab his tablet and my stepfather glowered at him. I was in such a rage, I was shaking with anger and struggled to wind down the whole night.I called my manager and asked him for an emergency holiday to try rearrange childcare around him not helping.
Reflecting on the whole situation, I consider that becoming angry was not the right thing to do but I'm human. I was angry at him. Shouting at him was not the right thing to do, however, I never used to let anger out before. Again, I'm human, whether it is the weightlifting and it's effects on my testosterone I don't know. I'm sad because despite him being a prick at times, I did love him. I worry this will break my connection to my mum. That she will be the sole target of his gaslighting, manipulation and mind games. I don't have anyone to talk to about the way I feel. I wanted to post this here to vent but to also see if any men can offer advice on how to deal with this going forward.
Is it wrong for me to want to sever contact between him and my son? If so, how do I navigate this? Also, any reflections on what I could have done differently in this situation?
Read MoreMy three things to ditch were Alcohol, Junk Food and Cigarettes. My progress so far:
I've ditched cigarettes for disposable e-cigs. I'm using these to taper off nicotine. I'm cigarette free for a couple of weeks now.
Junk food, I have started at the gym so I've managed to use that as a catalyst for improving my eating. I'm tracking calories on My Fitness Pal, have removed crisps, sweets and made healthier adjustments. I've used my income saved from the other vices to buy protein powder, protein bars/cookies for snacks. I'm eating more greens, drinking more water. My current goal is to lose weight. I haven't reduced from my BMR too much, as I'm seeing how it goes with the weight lifting. I'm currently 200 under my BMR, so sitting at 1800 calories a day.
Alcohol, I've stopped completely. I did have a slip up around Christmas and New Year. I got back on the wagon, replacing it with water, sometimes calorie free fizzy juice, BCAA drinks. The initial first few days were terrible and I was working. Nausea, irritability, perhaps a minor form of Delerium Tremens. Now, I feel I have more energy and everyday I feel better.
I'm going to continue to be accountable. My health is important. I want to live a healthy, long life.
It's good to read that you're making improvements. Keep it up, I know you'll achieve your goal.
Read MoreMy three things to ditch were Alcohol, Junk Food and Cigarettes. My progress so far:
I've ditched cigarettes for disposable e-cigs. I'm using these to taper off nicotine. I'm cigarette free for a couple of weeks now.
Junk food, I have started at the gym so I've managed to use that as a catalyst for improving my eating. I'm tracking calories on My Fitness Pal, have removed crisps, sweets and made healthier adjustments. I've used my income saved from the other vices to buy protein powder, protein bars/cookies for snacks. I'm eating more greens, drinking more water. My current goal is to lose weight. I haven't reduced from my BMR too much, as I'm seeing how it goes with the weight lifting. I'm currently 200 under my BMR, so sitting at 1800 calories a day.
Alcohol, I've stopped completely. I did have a slip up around Christmas and New Year. I got back on the wagon, replacing it with water, sometimes calorie free fizzy juice, BCAA drinks. The initial first few days were terrible and I was working. Nausea, irritability, perhaps a minor form of Delerium Tremens. Now, I feel I have more energy and everyday I feel better.
I'm going to continue to be accountable. My health is important. I want to live a healthy, long life.
Read MoreThanks for the heads up. I'll check out lozenges too. Tbh the main obstacle is work habit. I socialize with a lot of smokers. I need to decondition myself.
If social influence is a variable to the problem, maybe you should also consider vaping as well. It enables you to maintain your social habit of public smoking and enables you to influence your smoker coworkers to consider following your example if they see it works fine for you. You can use the lozenges during your commute, and vape with your coworkers.
@Initial-Glove It's orientation training for a job role. I lost my job due to lockdown so the main goal was to get back into employment. This is the initial training. The company itself is great. Well known. Respected. It's not going to be a long-term role. It's a means to an end. I'll progress as much as possible. Increase bank. Go full monk mode. Figure out a plan to break out of standard employment.
Well said. Can't let this shit go on. The trainer shouldn't be training. He's a simp. Something's got to be done.
@Dr_Cockasaurus It's training for a job role. I can't dodge it. The job is part of my plan to get my life in order and give funds for going monk mode.
It's ridiculous. Yeah I'll aim to breeze through it. The end goal is my main focus. The company is great. I've been networking with everyone I can, getting to know department heads. Making myself known.
