Finally decided have some self-respect. I was talking with this chick. We hooked up twice and then she hit me with the “I wanna take you serious, let’s slow down”. So we started hanging out without any sexual acts.

Eventually, she let it slip that she’s been hooking up in between our “dates”. So I went beta mode and was like “Ok, so when’s the next time we’re gonna do something”. Cue the long winded beta shit I started doing. She started cancelling our “dates” on the day of as I was driving to her place, completely disrespecting my time and I kept letting it happen.

So I finally said “Ok, since you keep flaking on dates, can I just slide by and get a blowjob or something since other dudes are getting that shit for free?”. And she hit me with the “I take you serious” shit again and I beta’ed out again.

I’d keep telling her I was going to swing by to pick her up and she’d be like “take me out to get food” or “let’s go to the boardwalk” and I kept taking her knowing dudes were fucking her in parking lots for a soda.

So today, after three weeks on my bipolar meds, I hit her up and was like “let’s meet up” and she immediately was like “we should get dinner”. 2hrs early and she’s texting me saying she’s doing her makeup and I was like “my bad, something came up.” Now something actually did come up, but in my head I was finally like “why am I about to drop $50 to $100 so we can eat when she’s literally shown she’ll give dudes head and let dudes fuck for sitting in the backseat of their car and playing Netflix on their iPhone”.

I don’t know. I wish I could get hoes to actually treat themselves like hoes and stop beta-ing me. But I feel like I’m on the right track.

38 Male wants to walk out of my marriage either by divorce or leaving the world . But Im concerned about my children to grow in a broken home Dating & Relationship Advice So I had this porn addiction which she discovered right after marriage . This caused a huge issue in my sexual life as i was unable to satisfy her well.

She too lost interest in having sex with me and we tried to improve our marriage.

I told her how my childhood trauma due to abusive parents and bullying led to this , she started using this as a weapon.

She would treat me badly and whenever we had a fight she would pull this as a way to keep me quiet.

I've been abused by my parents to an extent where I lost all my self confidence and lived alone with no friends so I just continued.

She would constantly check my mobile because she is afraid that i might revert back to addiction and she would read all my personal messages and even read the teams messages of my colleagues.

The one thing that really bothers is that she would never show any interest if i suggest to do something but she would be ready if her family tells her .

The one thing that kept me alive during the abusive oerod of my parents were those story books and i always wanted to travel and exploring and eat new food.

But for her, weekends or vacation means going to her family and she will drag me along .

But she also forced me not to go anywhere. My colleagues invited me for a drink after work but she threw a big fit that she is struggling to maintain my child but I'm enjoying.

I had to cancel an office getaway because she threw a huge fight over it , she even foight when I had to go to Chennai for a business trip but I had no chance of cancelling.

Yes I turned to pornography, but I also had some other hobbies that kept me sane like watching EPL, reading books, trying new restaurant etc but she slowly but surely made me stop all these .

Now she got new friends and then only I understood something important .she wasn't close to her family but she just wants to enjoy with anyone who is not me .

Even going to mall, she would complain she is tired etc but she went on a 3 day trekking with her friends where she walked around 20 km .

Also she has this whole " feminist vibe" or something, if i tell her to do some household chores which is beyond what our maid or cook does, she sarcastically replies why she should do , why am I pushing it to her just because she is woman etc.

I just want to divorce but I'm afraid of my life post divorce and about my 2 children aged 7 and 3 .I don't want them to grow in a broken house and also I'm not sure if she might end up showing the anger towards me to my kids.

I always contemplate suicide because I'm alone , friendlee, unhappy family , bad in career etc but I dint know when I might .

My kids are the only reason I'm still alive

edit - We had a marriage counseling 6 months ago where i expressed my issues and she promised to change but she had literally went opposite.

She just doesn't care anymore and she started going out with friends. she went for a trekking and another trip with her office colleagues. she also goes to malls and dinner with them because she feels she has given me freedom so I should not ask her for anything.

She knows I have no friends and I've been working from home for 2 years . All my efforts to make friends our of my colleagues was scuttled by her .

I grew up with an abusive mother who has a self victimization complex and she never took me to any hotel or gave good food .

My wife knows that but whenever I ask her to eat out or order, she will do everything not to do that .

Now she admitted her mistake to counsellor. Now when I ask if we can eat out or order, she always tells if you want you order.

That feels like a slap on my face, it's as if she is giving me permission to eat . If i wanted to eat , I would have just gone out and eaten instead of her long ago

Edit 2 - First she went for a marriage but stayed in a resort a day before. Second time it was a company sponsored trekking . Im now thinking if she had cheated on me during those times. She didn't mention the word resort the first time and just told about the wedding. Second time she just mentioned company sponsored getaway for 3 days. But didn't tell they will be trekking and staying in tents at night. Now I'm confused if my wife cheated on me because she didn't completely divulged the information . Post the birth of second child, she slimmed down and started wearing modern clothes. She trims regularly and I know because she charges in my place