@jprdl

I actually feel like i half assed my whole life until now.

Pretty sure I'm still half assing it. You and I have a similar love for freedom. My life has been set up to remove as much responsibility as possible to allow a whimsical life.

With great power, comes great responsibility; which means in my current state I lack a lot of power.

It's definitely true. It's not that I'm lazy, if there's a task in front of me that needs to get knocked out, I'll do all the knocking yet have a hard time setting my own task/goals.

I even have many great opportunities, ideas for life. But I only get excited in the moment and leave it for later which never comes.

Exactly. When I worked a 9-5 I use to get angry at all the things I could be doing. Never doing a damn thing when I was off.

Now that I don't have to punch a clock all I do is work for others, helping them finish projects, lacking the gumption to spear head my own.

Or is it just that my values are to feel good in the moment like laying in bed drinking wine even i achieved nothing for days or months.

One of my best friends constantly tells me the point of life is to sit around, high off your ass, just enjoying it. Eating good food. Listening to quality music. Despite arguing life is meant to be conquered, I've probably spent more of mine in an inebriated stuper than him. Quite enjoyable I might add but there's gotta be something more.

Average ain't shit; half assing it through life, comparatively I'm doing better than most but I know it's nothing compared to what I could be.

As @adam-l touched on, I feel my life lacks purpose and dreams.