@Intelligent-Sir-6319

Difficulty in distinguishing between a shit test and a genuine complaint.

I once shared a community service experience where there was a girl who acted however she liked (https://trp.red/t/1dzp). Is it true that when a girl makes a big deal out of small things, almost as if big things are a problem, it's a form of a shit test? Sometimes, in certain moments, like when I was asked by another friend if I could play guitar, and I said no, the girl who acted however she liked said, 'Then learn it.' in a demeaning way. I mean, not everything can be done by us, but during the activities, she would often tease me with trivial issues that she made a problem, and I would just ignore it and act indifferent. Then, after some time, she would talk to me again as if nothing had happened.

For instance, I asked if she had prepared the attendance list for a presentation during the community service event, and she responded, 'You were called by the man (from the village in the event), but you didn’t listen?' (Even though the man was just asking casually, and my friend answered him—no big deal). She said it in an angry tone, and I was a bit confused. I replied, 'Why are you always angry?' She responded in a feminine tone, saying, 'I’m not angry.'

Besides that, she often tried to provoke my emotions with passive-aggressive behavior, but I would usually ignore her because I knew that if I reacted, she would turn the tables and act like the victim, even though she was the one who provoked me first with passive-aggressive behavior. I often ignored her, even though at first, I thought she was bringing up urgent issues. But when I didn’t pay attention to her, after throwing a tantrum, she would talk to me again in a normal tone as if nothing happened.

Is everything I’ve described a form of a shit test? Because the context is semi-formal (community service), where the team needs to succeed in the program, and as the leader, I sometimes find it difficult to separate whether her complaints are truly urgent or not. But over time, I’ve come to assume that she is more playing games with me. Compared to the other members of my team, they are more formal and present complaints in a more formal manner, unlike this girl. In fact, another female member of the team thought I was somewhat close to her and that something romantic might happen, even though I never thought about it in that way, as I was focused on the bigger objectives of the group.

Then, at the end of the event, she told me that I was too stubborn and unwilling to compromise. But if I reflect on all the tantrums and complaints she gave, they were generally informal and confusing, and again, I ignored her. But afterward, when the event was over and we had a team dinner, she said that our team was better than the others because the other team had more shortcomings. (This was somewhat contradictory to what she had said to me earlier.)

I have been applying the red pill principle for a long time, but before this community service event, I always separated my professional environment from the environment where I could act freely with women outside of the professional setting. What I found a bit challenging in this experience was context switching between being professional or playful. I don’t want to take risks if something goes wrong because I am the leader of this team.

Edit: My current answer is by maintaining frame, I always shut down her complaints by ignoring her, staying friendly and formal as formal as I can be. Don't want to risk any bigger potential problem thrown at me.

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@Durek_The_Bald

Increasingly Violent and Do Viewers Prefer Violent Content? Eran Shor & Kimberly Seida

Schor’s team recruited 122 anonymous porn users — 61 women, 60 men and one gender-diverse, who shared an average age of 25 — for in-depth audio interviews to explore their preferences and perceptions about sex and pornography.

Over half of all viewers, 53%, liked at least a little bit of aggression in porn — breaking down to 66% of women and 40% of men. Women, too, were more likely to go for “harder” expressions of aggression in porn and to seek it more than men — with themes such as bondage, discipline, dominance, submission and sadomasochism.

Shor notes that many of the female participants initially denied any interest in violent porn until further into the interview when they came to understand that the interviewer was also including consensual aggression. Overall, two-thirds of the women in this study confided that they found at least some aggression in porn to be arousing, and about half confessed that they sometimes sought out “harder” forms of aggression as well.

Importantly, these women insisted that had already been attracted to consensual aggression and dominance before they started viewing porn. In other words, they actively sought out what they were already interested in rather than developing a taste for it after having seen it first in porn. Such revelations challenge the narrative that watching violent porn creates a desire to act out this kind of aggression with sex partners.

@Lionsmane8

She wants me to marry her, but...

So, I’ve been seeing this 20-year-old regularly for close to eight months now. She’s very supportive, feminine, girly, has a great personality, and although she’s not the best-looking girl I’ve been with, she’s still very cute and really loves me—girlfriend material.

The one issue I had with her was related to sex. She’s a virgin and Muslim (I’m Muslim too), and although we avoid PIV, she still takes care of me in other ways on occasion. That said, this was a major issue early on, but because I wanted to keep her supportive energy in my life, but also not force anything on her, we made an arrangement.

Since my last breakup almost two years ago, I vowed to no longer offer exclusivity, and that’s worked great for me. I’m very honest about that fact early on with women, and unsurprisingly, it does turn a few off—but many more respect my honesty. So that’s that.

I told my girl early on that sex is non-negotiable for me and that exclusivity isn’t something I do, and she accepted.

Concurrently, I’ve been seeing another girl regularly (for about five months now). She’s 19, very bright, soft-spoken, has a relaxing presence, and is head over heels for me. She’s down for anything and everything—heck, I sometimes have to tone things down.

This little situation has been going smoothly for a few months now, with a lot of enjoyment and genuine fulfillment (love feels good). Practically zero conflict or toxicity.

However, the 19-year-old is about to leave the country permanently, and the 20-year-old has been hinting at marriage.

At first, it was jokingly—probing, obviously—joking about carrying my children, then asking about my intentions, then steering conversations toward the topic, playing relevant songs, etc.

Tonight, we went for a short night drive, and she came forward much more assertively than usual, saying, "My friends told me that you should marry me," and asking about my stance on marriage.

I told her what I usually say: "I’m not ready for that—it doesn’t even enter my mind." Which is true; I’m neither financially nor mentally ready. It’s a serious matter.

To which she responded, "When you think you’ll be ready, are you thinking of marrying me?"

Now, that’s the question I dreaded. I really like her—she’s a great girlfriend—but honestly, no, I don’t want to marry her. I still long for a girl similar to (but superior to) my previous ex. But I can’t tell her that, so I just said, "I don’t know."

She didn’t get mad or anything, and that’s what makes it hard for me. She’s really supportive and plays the girlfriend role very well. It’d be easier if there were conflict—I could rationalize ending the relationship. But that’s not the case, and I appreciate her for that.

Now, since the one-year mark is approaching, I’d already been thinking of gradually distancing myself from her—gently, slowly. I don’t want to build a life with her, marry her, or have her carry my children. I also don’t want to give her false hope, drag this out, or fool her in any way. But at the same time, I don’t want to hurt her, and I have to accept that I will disappoint her. I know what I want and what I don’t want.

Anyway, this is just a melancholic rant. You’ll all say I already know the answer, and it’s true—I do. I’m planning to let it burn out slowly. She’s smart and a woman—she knows what she wants, and she’s probably already put two and two together by now and I sincerely wish her the best, because she deserves it.

Time to take out my fishing rod.

What traits are you looking for in a female, that the ex-girlfriend you still fondly remember had you've noticed others you've dated since lacked?