@MidgetSpinner

How do you kill the little bitch that lives inside of you?

I thought I would have had this shit handled by now after countless relationships, but I still don't, and frankly it's embarrassing and I'm ashamed.

I'm referring to neediness. I never once begged this girl to get back with me at least, but it's this survival mode kind of haze I've been in ever since we had issues and broke up. I keep digging and digging the hole deeper trying to salvage whatever might be left of the relationship with one more message, and then another, and then another, and I can see myself doing this cringey shit after the fact, but in the moment I'm awash with emotion/anxiety and whatever else. I am not in my normal state of mind. I am constantly inbetween trying to fix things, and then trying to do damage control because I regret trying to fix things. I look fucking crazy.

The thing is, I know better than to behave like this but I don't know how to control the impulses and the urges to try and "fix" things, rather than just saying "fuck this bitch" and simply letting them go. Instead, I unwillingly opt to throw more and more of my dignity away until I don't recognise who I am in the mirror anymore.

It was like this in the last relationship too, but at least that one had a longer lifespan so I guess there was some leeway for how pathetic I behaved. This one there are no excuses for - I went into it strong, thinking I had my shit absolutely handled, and then the second things started to take a turn, I gradually lost my frame and then before you know it, it's all gone because I couldn't simply let her go.

Please try to help me make sense of this. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me? I don't want to have to spin plates just to have outcome indepence, you should be able to access that frame regardless. Surely there is a way. Whatever it is, please help. I never ever want to behave like this again. I am disgusted by my behaviour and I'm sure it's the source of all my relationship failures. Maybe it's an unresolved fear of abandonment. Fuck knows.

How do you build the strength and composure to be able to just walk away, even when it's eating at you? How do you do what's right and masculine in these situations?

Everything else in my life is handled, but for some reason regardless of being with over a hundred women, I still have this little bitch in me that eventually rears its head. It doesn't matter how long it takes, eventually it always does and it's usually when things begin to go south. I want to kill that.

Stop wasting your time wasting other peoples time in asking the same questions over and over again. Scrutinize the information provided and decide if its useful or not to achieve your goals. Develop a plan of engagement. Take action, put up obstacles to those who create distraction so you can maintain the focus needed to get things done.

@MidgetSpinner

Public apology to you all, and need help.

I made a post a week or so ago about a girl I started seeing who tested my boundaries and I walked away from her. I rationalised her behaviour in the comments and made a fool of myself.

I just want to say: I was wrong, and I apologise to everyone who lifted a finger to help me.

That said, I am now actually asking for your help and I am an open book willing to learn. I've gotta be honest and admit here exactly how I fucked up. It's gonna be embarrassing but it's the only way I can learn from this.

Here I go. We reconciled after I walked away, and things were great for the first few days, but then she started acting up again and once again I didn't tolerate it. The way she spoke to me was shit, mixed with being all over me again. This was confusing - talking down to me, snapping over little things, but the problem was that by this point a switch had occurred in me. I got oneitis.

We had a huge argument a week ago and I told her to go and fuck herself, and she got defensive and started acting like she didn't care. Shut the door on me and told me to never message her again, and I said bye bye and walked away.

We didn't speak for more than a week. Zero contact, but I did notice her snooping my Facebook stories. After a couple more days I reached out to her, and I know I shouldn't have, and her and her sister replied with a voice note mocking it basically.

I tried tragically to get her to talk to me, but she just kept reading the messages and staying silent which made me in turn more and more needy. There was an inner conflict in me between what I knew I should be doing, and what I felt compelled to do and the latter won. I fucked this up.

I gave her an ultimatum and told her she either says something or blocks me by midnight or I'm done. She ended up blocking me in the end. I was fueled by hopium and didn't expect her to call my bluff, and I ended up sending more desperate fucking messages trying to get her to speak to me. I stopped as of this morning, but I'm left feeling a mixture of pain, regret and shame at my behaviour.

Keep in mind I haven't been with a girl in over 3 years since my last relationship. All the red pill knowledge and experience in the world didn't save me from myself, and I was rusty and more vulnerable than I realised I would be going into this. The first week was a home run, I handled everything perfectly and I had no attachment - I was just enjoying her and that was that, but as I said, with drama turned a switch and instead of walking away fully, I leaned into it.

After those 3 years I felt strong again, and like I didn't need anything. My only intention was to get a lay, and I achieved that but I wasn't expecting to grow attached and behave like this. Just threw me through a fucking loop. At least the dry spell ended, but currently I don't wanna spin plates or anything like that - I've still got a lingering attachment to her, and I feel down and like I don't wanna do anything.

This is why I'm here. Please guide me out of this. I want my strength back and to learn from this rookie error. I don't ever wanna behave like this again, and I want more emotional resilience. Help me, brothers.

This time I will listen.

Answer to my own question: Enforce discipline, redirect my energy towards my goals and growth. Cut off all reminders. Reflect on behaviour. Read sidebar.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtwiAkUj5Go

It's good to read that you're beginning to hurdle your ego to consider scrutinizing the advice offered. Make the time to study the book and decide for yourself if it has any utility. Best of luck to you going forward.