@MidgetSpinner Not an important post, but it's something I've been noticing only lately and it has me confused - not complaining though. I wondered if you guys might have any insight on what the fuck is happening here.

So basically, I spent the last 3 years in isolation/monk mode after a major breakup that honestly traumatised me - my own fault though for not walking away sooner, but that's besides the point.

In those 3 years, any time I went outside; whether it was just to go shopping, for a gig or social event, I noticed women no longer paid any attention to me. I might have got the rare look here or there, but it was very rare and I know this because I was always paying attention to whether girls looked, I think because I was starved of it during the time. To add to that, I was always good at spotting choosing signals prior to the isolation because I was consistently sexually active for years - so I knew if a woman wanted me without ever having to speak to them. I kind of lost that skill through my time alone, and with low self esteem.

Anyway, fast forward to the last month or so. I started seeing a girl around mid-August, it was an intense and passionate situationship that burned out almost as quickly as it began. The fact that I handled her so well in the beginning was a shock to me after being stagnant for so long - the girl was obsessed initially. I made a couple of posts here on how that shit show ended up, but the key takeaways are: 1. I finally got out of my drought, and 2. My original self esteem and ego were restored, and I realised I was still the man, but still needed to work on some things. I am a rusty katana basically.

That situationship ended roughly 3 weeks ago and I've been a sad, introspective sack of shit ever since.

Here's the thing though... Everywhere I go lately, girls are showing me choosing signals. Today for example, I only popped over to the shop and I had about 7 different girls eye fuck me throughout.

It's been like this for the past few weeks wherever I go. People have even been making comments on my appearance, my "sexiness" etc, but when I look in the mirror at myself, I don't see any difference to who I was in those 3 years alone. The only real differences I can think of is that I have been working out more regularly, but I'm not dressing to impress at all lately - I am still in a state of grief and depressed after what happened recently. So I don't get it. I'm not imagining things either, I am being checked out by most girls everywhere I go lately, and I want to take advantage of it but I feel low.

Anyone know what the fuck is going on? It's not like I've had a sudden change in energy, or like I'm suddenly oozing confidence again. I feel like shit lol.

@MidgetSpinner Not an important post, but it's something I've been noticing only lately and it has me confused - not complaining though. I wondered if you guys might have any insight on what the fuck is happening here.

So basically, I spent the last 3 years in isolation/monk mode after a major breakup that honestly traumatised me - my own fault though for not walking away sooner, but that's besides the point.

In those 3 years, any time I went outside; whether it was just to go shopping, for a gig or social event, I noticed women no longer paid any attention to me. I might have got the rare look here or there, but it was very rare and I know this because I was always paying attention to whether girls looked, I think because I was starved of it during the time. To add to that, I was always good at spotting choosing signals prior to the isolation because I was consistently sexually active for years - so I knew if a woman wanted me without ever having to speak to them. I kind of lost that skill through my time alone, and with low self esteem.

Anyway, fast forward to the last month or so. I started seeing a girl around mid-August, it was an intense and passionate situationship that burned out almost as quickly as it began. The fact that I handled her so well in the beginning was a shock to me after being stagnant for so long - the girl was obsessed initially. I made a couple of posts here on how that shit show ended up, but the key takeaways are: 1. I finally got out of my drought, and 2. My original self esteem and ego were restored, and I realised I was still the man, but still needed to work on some things. I am a rusty katana basically.

That situationship ended roughly 3 weeks ago and I've been a sad, introspective sack of shit ever since.

Here's the thing though... Everywhere I go lately, girls are showing me choosing signals. Today for example, I only popped over to the shop and I had about 7 different girls eye fuck me throughout.

It's been like this for the past few weeks wherever I go. People have even been making comments on my appearance, my "sexiness" etc, but when I look in the mirror at myself, I don't see any difference to who I was in those 3 years alone. The only real differences I can think of is that I have been working out more regularly, but I'm not dressing to impress at all lately - I am still in a state of grief and depressed after what happened recently. So I don't get it. I'm not imagining things either, I am being checked out by most girls everywhere I go lately, and I want to take advantage of it but I feel low.

Anyone know what the fuck is going on? It's not like I've had a sudden change in energy, or like I'm suddenly oozing confidence again. I feel like shit lol.

@MidgetSpinner

How do you kill the little bitch that lives inside of you?

I thought I would have had this shit handled by now after countless relationships, but I still don't, and frankly it's embarrassing and I'm ashamed.

I'm referring to neediness. I never once begged this girl to get back with me at least, but it's this survival mode kind of haze I've been in ever since we had issues and broke up. I keep digging and digging the hole deeper trying to salvage whatever might be left of the relationship with one more message, and then another, and then another, and I can see myself doing this cringey shit after the fact, but in the moment I'm awash with emotion/anxiety and whatever else. I am not in my normal state of mind. I am constantly inbetween trying to fix things, and then trying to do damage control because I regret trying to fix things. I look fucking crazy.

The thing is, I know better than to behave like this but I don't know how to control the impulses and the urges to try and "fix" things, rather than just saying "fuck this bitch" and simply letting them go. Instead, I unwillingly opt to throw more and more of my dignity away until I don't recognise who I am in the mirror anymore.

It was like this in the last relationship too, but at least that one had a longer lifespan so I guess there was some leeway for how pathetic I behaved. This one there are no excuses for - I went into it strong, thinking I had my shit absolutely handled, and then the second things started to take a turn, I gradually lost my frame and then before you know it, it's all gone because I couldn't simply let her go.

Please try to help me make sense of this. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me? I don't want to have to spin plates just to have outcome indepence, you should be able to access that frame regardless. Surely there is a way. Whatever it is, please help. I never ever want to behave like this again. I am disgusted by my behaviour and I'm sure it's the source of all my relationship failures. Maybe it's an unresolved fear of abandonment. Fuck knows.

How do you build the strength and composure to be able to just walk away, even when it's eating at you? How do you do what's right and masculine in these situations?

Everything else in my life is handled, but for some reason regardless of being with over a hundred women, I still have this little bitch in me that eventually rears its head. It doesn't matter how long it takes, eventually it always does and it's usually when things begin to go south. I want to kill that.

Stop wasting your time wasting other peoples time in asking the same questions over and over again. Scrutinize the information provided and decide if its useful or not to achieve your goals. Develop a plan of engagement. Take action, put up obstacles to those who create distraction so you can maintain the focus needed to get things done.