Discovered TRP not long ago which helped me improve life situation but still remain very lonely and growing increasingly confused. I had to pay a whore to lose my virginity because i felt like it was a mental block and it only made it worse because it was a really subpar experience and once the rubber came on i felt literally 0 physical pleasure. Idk if its a weird fetish or what but i find most women more attractive while they are dressed, like if she has a nice body and is dressed well and i look at her i feel deep primal urge to want to fuck her but once i start thinking about the actual logistics of it i start losing interest and when i see a naked woman, this feeling is greatly diminished, unless she is very fit.
At this point i start to question how so many people are so obsessed with sex and it feels wrong but i don't feel like women are worth the effort unless it comes naturally to you. I think i rather just be single and focus on my hobbies and ignore women like i've done for all my life now as i don't have a fucking clue how to even make a step towards it anyways and it only inflicts pain. My father has on numerous occassions voiced that he is disappointed because i don't have a girlfriend and he wants grandchildren, thought i don't trouble myself too much with that as i am working at my own pace and my life situation is maybe not improving as fast as it should but i definitely am not ready for that and i'd need to get the opportunity in the first place, which at times feels impossible.
I get complimented on my looks (like my face) by older coworker women often and i also train a lot and have a better body than basically anyone i personally know but that does absolutely nothing when you dont know how to talk to women (but i do it because i love it, not for getting women).
Finding a sexual partner seems so hard and i have to wrap it anyways + as a man it seems you need to put in way more effort which makes it feel more like work and masturbation seems more pleasurable tbh? I've quit porn for 1-3 months before, no problem and i dont watch it that often. Maybe like 1-2 times a week. Half of the time i masturbate without porn. I lack confidence due to lack of experience and feeling inadequate and left too far behind.
Ive cold appeoached into a crash and burn in front of others a few times and it was pretty bad.
Feels like i am just spinning wheels and i am too retarded to understand this shit. Some people were lied to, others were oblivious to it but i think i am actually unsalvageably low social EQ or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Frustrating.Read More
@villalad20 Few things:
Most people don't have stellar parental figures so take that into consideration. People aren't perfect.
You don't have to love, respect or even like family.
He's at least trying to connect with you.
Context : My folks split when I was 8 and I was raised by my mom with my father having a diminished role in my life till I was 13. From teen years till mid 20s we didn't talk. Prior to marriage I went to visit him and I didn't like how he was as a human. I cut him from my life. When ex and I split after my kid was born. Ex tried to reach out to him to spite me and get try to dirt out of him about my family for custody. He inadvertently caused me further legal problems and I hated him.
Fun side note: Some random asshole on reddit tried to make fun of me about how I must have no life because I have so much karma and have a 10 year old reddit account but it's mainly because I posted the full story on reddit about it and how I wanted to end him or at least beat the shit out of him on reddit. The post gave me 3/5 of my current karma (~30k) with most people agreeing with me, offering me a beer IRL, completely in shock, ect. Someone who runs reddit also wanted to reach out to me for permission to use my story for something about overcoming trauma.
Anyway, part of my personal growth is moving forward so while I didn't forget about his actions, I did move forward and tried to forgive him. Doing so forced me to look at the big picture.
There were a lot of similarities in our lives that made me more sympathetic to him that I didn't catch and he was dealt a few fucked hands.
So, while I don't love him like a son should and I don't like him as a human, I do have him in my life.
Your mileage may vary.Read More
I have no respect for my dad, I’ve had no proper male masculine role model to look up to and it makes me insecure. When I was young my mum and dad split up and we moved into a different area. My parents remained friends and I got to see my dad pretty regularly so it wasn’t like he wasn’t in the picture Anyway I moved back to his when I was 16, after secondary school to move back to the big city I was born in and try to spend some time with my dad that I didn’t growing up. As I’ve got older (I’m 20 now) I’ve come fo realise my dad is just the opposite of anything resembling a positive masculine influence. I find it hard to connect with him on deep topics that are important to me, and to be honest, I don’t feel like I’d ask him anyway because I don’t feel comfortable doing it. My dad definitely cares about me and try’s to support me, but even when he does this it just feels fake and I can tell he doesn’t want to do it but he doesn’t want to say no to me. In a way he’s a bit of a walk over, it’s almost like he’s guilty because of him and my mother splitting and the only way he thinks to solve it is to appease me with money, feels creepy. Even from a general point of view, since their marriage he’s had a few relationships that have gone wrong and is now living in a flat on his own at 57. Barely any assets to his name and has basically lived for the weekend, to go to the same pubs/city centre for all his life and hasn’t really showed any ambition. I don’t like having to say this about my own dad. I’ve also started to understand more and more why mum, who’s ambition and successful career-wise, left him. I feel like all this has resulted in me being less confident, with worse social skills and lower self esteem in my adult years. Despite it, I’ve actually had a serious relationship and had quite a few plates already so I haven’t let it hold me back completely but It’s something that still angers me, the feeling of how much easier things could Hsve been having a more prominent father figure to guide me in life.
I know this was a rant but it’s a complicated situation. If anybody can relate or offer any wisdom it would be appreciated .Read More