@gamepilled

How do I work on my confidence? I have a major problem with it.

I have a major confidence problem, because it comes from intense childhood trauma and is much bigger than the usual problem of being a nice guy who can snap out of it.

Growing up, I was a very shy and weird kid no one liked. It was worse than the usual shy kid, because mine is an actual major problem that comes from a different source.

I was bullied and I think normies loathed me. Now it's different, but the underlying major confidence issue remains. I am improving on it by virtue of recovering from the trauma as time goes on, but it's not enough. That's a really slow process.

People want to hang out with me now because I did an active effort on social skills, but I keep getting small cues, sometimes even comments, that make it clear that I come across as insecure. Such as someone acting like I'm below him on the pecking order, or someone saying that she noticed I'm more confident lately (aka she noticed I lack confidence in the first place).

By the way, I am a 32 year old virgin, never even tried to get a woman, no woman showed romantic interest in me either, and didn't even socialize for the vast majority of my life.

I also have a chin that's so comically recessed I look ridiculous. But just now I grew a beard and that has been a massive looks improvement (I shape it carefully too). It's actually really thick and basically a jaw extension so I feel like I have a new face. A friend asked why I used to shave, I said, "idk, I had the habit and didn't question it, that was stupid", but to be honest, I actually know, and the harsh truth is that it felt weird to see myself as being masculine in the mirror.

By the way, my social life revolves around dancing and that's where I will, from now on, get over fear of rejection and approach women.

Right now I can't dance because I broke a hand by working out (which I also picked up recently), which is affecting me emotionally, and that's why I'm reconsidering all this. I found out about the redpill just now. And by reading game I noticed that it all revolves around confidence, and how important confidence is for people. And that I have to do something about this. I'm sick of people's shit, I'm sick of being treated like I'm low on the pecking order or a wimp, and I feel that I have to take that more seriously and really do something about it.

Are there some behaviors I can practice, or something I can do to see a fast change in the way I come across? So people don't instantly think that I'm insecure? My opinion is that I could leverage my social skills I've been acquiring, which allow me to have an understanding of what behaviors make me come across as insecure, and just pay more attention and make myself curb that problem. And then by behaving differently it will reflect on my self perception.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

Self-confidence usually grows as a result of pursuing and overcoming the various challenges of life. During which time, you come to understand what interests, drives, and motivates you. To that end, I suggest that you get yourself two sheets of paper and a pen.

On the first sheet write down a list of things that you've been putting off on the back burner due to work, schooling, or just life in general. It doesn't matter how silly, or stupid the task or idea might be, just write it down. When you're done, take the second sheet of paper, and re-write the items from the first list starting with what you believe to be the simplest, easiest task, to the most complicated.

When you're done with the second list, get to work. The challenge once you've got the list done won't be simply accomplishing them, but not allowing yourself to be de-spirited whenever you encounter difficulty, or failure. To not let yourself be defeated. You'll spend the time to troubleshoot and diagnose the problem, then start over. If you need help, ask. There's no shortage of #books we can recommend that may help you achieve your goal.

Best of luck to you.

@DanielCron

Girlfriend of 8 years wants to go on a 'girls holiday' with her friend, but I do not trust her friend

I have a solid relationship and have been with my girlfriend for 8 years and this week, she messaged me with the "I am thinking about booking a holiday with my friend" - there will just be two of them. At the time of the message, I was too busy to even think about it so I quickly messaged back once I read it saying "go for it, could be fun". After having some time to think about it and also think about the type person her friend is, I am slightly worried for my girlfriends welfare and I will get to that in a minute.

My girlfriend has never been on a girls holiday before, mainly because she has never had anyone to go on holiday with (she usually keeps herself to herself) and I have never needed to set any boundaries related to this at the beginning of our relationship because it's just not something we both did (I have never been on a lads holiday since we've been together, I did all that when I turned 18).

Her friend is a bit of a slut, she is very attractive, very confident and she basically knows all of this. Her friend is currently in a relationship and she has been with him for a few months but from what my girilfriend has told me, it doesn't seem to be going well for them and they most likely will be breaking up.

Now the cause for concern. The past 2 nights out my girlfriend has been on with her friend, her friend has misbehaved and basically left my girlfriend on her own because her friends boyfriend met them later on in the evening and they went home without her. This caused a fall out between them and resulted in my girlfriend being upset/crying over it - I had to drive to pick my girlfriend up to ensure she got home safe because her friend left my girl on her own in the city at 1am in the morning. She didn't do this once, but she did this twice - they haven't had a night out since the second time happened.

I voiced my concerns over the above situation with my girlfriend and she's adamant that she has discussed it privately with her friend and her friend was very apologetic, and it wouldn't happen again. She has reassured me that she 100% trusts her and that she's actually a good person/friend to my girl, I just don't fully know her and have only seen the bad side of things. I have always been a person that looks at actions over words so I will believe her when I see it.

After having that discussion, my girl mentioned that "if this is going to cause problems between us, then she just won't go". I don't want to control my girlfriends life so I basically told her that I will support her in whatever decision she makes, but until her friend proves herself to me that she is reliable and trustworthy, then I am going to be worrying. My girl said that she appreciates that I am looking out for her and she understands my concerns, and again said that if this will cause a problem between us, then she just won't go.

My girl also mentioned something questionable to me. She said that she has never been on a girls holiday before so she would like to experience one - I have been questioning the meaning behind this ever since she messaged it.

My other concern is that once my girl is around her friend and if her friend ends up becoming single, her friend will end up becoming wild and most likely will put my girlfriend in vulnerable situations where men will be involved with them. This holiday will be the ultimate test for our relationship, but if my girlfriend does actually do something, I will never know anyway and that's the scary part....? She will never have been in a situation like this before for her to know how she will behave/act, especially around a friend who may influence her.

Not really sure what to think of this at the moment so how would you handle a situation like this without controlling your partner?

With what you shared in your previous post, I'm wondering if your girlfriend has any other female friends around her age. Maybe this is an opportunity to encourage her to find some, which means going where they can be found sober and lucid. Maybe getting into music, painting, sculpture, sewing, or knitting classes will bring her into contact with other females whose acquaintance she can make.

@GetMoreBooks

First Approach at 30

Field Report Last Post: www.forums.red/p/asktrp/323965/30_y_o_beginner_with_some_questions

Learning Game from Day Bang. Only read up to the part where he talked about eliminating approach anxiety. Next section said "After a few dozen approaches", so I decided to get out there and approach.

Hey y’all, been making good progress since my last post. Continued losing weight(still ways to go to not be overweight) , been lifting 3x a week, joined social groups(kickball, community theatre as a set helper). Been talking to more people to work on my social skills. Stopped watching porn and playing games.

Stuff I’m still working on: Still no luck getting a job in my field. Think I might just go be a server for awhile until I can find an entry level position in my field. Still living with parents, won’t be able to financially move out for 18 more months if I get a minimum wage job so I can build up emergency fund.

I approached for the first time in my life at 30, looking for feedback.

1st Approach: Said I like a girls shirt in passing, she wasn’t looking at me, glanced and made eye contact with me, then looked away after she realized I was talking to her. We were walking in opposite directions and I had no idea what I was doing, so I just kept walking. My question is how do you talk to women you see on the street? Do you just walk up to them and say how’s the weather?

Where I could have improved: I don’t think approaching on the street is going to work for me, I don’t think I’m handsome enough. I should probably avoid this if there’s no strong IOIs.

2nd Approach: In a bookstore, there were two girls browsing some books. Took a minute before I worked up the courage, and then I walked up to them and asked if they had found anything interesting. We chatted about some old mini books they had, then I complimented the girl I was interested in dress. She kinda just froze and looked at me, and then smiled and said thanks. I wasn’t sure where to go from here, told them to have a good one and went back to browsing.

How I think I could have done better: Maybe talk some more about books I’ve read lately, honestly not sure how I could have saved this one. She seemed responsive but the friend seemed like I was a bother.

3rd approach, most positive response and most attractive:I was browsing at the same bookstore, and this hottie was walking by and I said I like your tattoo. She responded really positively. I asked if it was of a certain forest( it was some trees) and she said no it was her first tattoo. I then complemented a certain aspect of the tattoo, and she said thanks. Again, I wasn’t sure what to do next so I complimented her earrings, and she said thanks, smiled, and then walked away. Really beating myself up on this one since she seemed to actually respond well but I fumbled hard.

Where I could have improved: After the tattoo compliment I could have just asked for her number or if she was free to grab a cup of coffee.

Overall Self Analysis: Happy I approached despite how botched the attempts were. It seems like the only way I know how to show interest is to compliment them and then I don’t know what to do. I think I’ll keep working on talking to strangers and having conversations with them. How do I show interest besides complimenting them? I think maybe I could ask them how their day is going? Also, is it normal to feel weird both before and after approaching? I felt like I was out of place/shouldn't be trying. Any feedback appreciated.

Congratulations on mustering the courage to talk to females. Study the book and keep at it. You can only get better.

@medstudentgerman2002

Can’t fuck LTR due to dick problems (temporary)

So I got some infection related problems and haven’t been able to fuck for like several weeks now due to low sex drive and risk of infection. Also I think it has lowered my testosterone, I have way less energy and tbh I‘m less dominant when with her. Treatment hasn’t really worked so far but if everything goes well this will be fixed in 1-2 weeks.

Our relationship dynamic just doesn’t work without the emotions from sex. At first she was patient but the past week she’s started to disrespect me and becoming more demanding. Also I’ve infected her at least 3 times over the past couple months and she associates my dick with STDs

How do I deal with this? I can’t just next her since she’s an LTR. I already decided I won’t marry this chick but I still want to keep her since we spend good time together and she lets me fuck other girls.

Attempt to answer own Q: spend less time with her, make her miss me. Doesn’t feel right to do this though

You study medicine and a caught yourself a drug resistant form of S.T.D.?