I have a solid relationship and have been with my girlfriend for 8 years and this week, she messaged me with the "I am thinking about booking a holiday with my friend" - there will just be two of them. At the time of the message, I was too busy to even think about it so I quickly messaged back once I read it saying "go for it, could be fun". After having some time to think about it and also think about the type person her friend is, I am slightly worried for my girlfriends welfare and I will get to that in a minute.
My girlfriend has never been on a girls holiday before, mainly because she has never had anyone to go on holiday with (she usually keeps herself to herself) and I have never needed to set any boundaries related to this at the beginning of our relationship because it's just not something we both did (I have never been on a lads holiday since we've been together, I did all that when I turned 18).
Her friend is a bit of a slut, she is very attractive, very confident and she basically knows all of this. Her friend is currently in a relationship and she has been with him for a few months but from what my girilfriend has told me, it doesn't seem to be going well for them and they most likely will be breaking up.
Now the cause for concern. The past 2 nights out my girlfriend has been on with her friend, her friend has misbehaved and basically left my girlfriend on her own because her friends boyfriend met them later on in the evening and they went home without her. This caused a fall out between them and resulted in my girlfriend being upset/crying over it - I had to drive to pick my girlfriend up to ensure she got home safe because her friend left my girl on her own in the city at 1am in the morning. She didn't do this once, but she did this twice - they haven't had a night out since the second time happened.
I voiced my concerns over the above situation with my girlfriend and she's adamant that she has discussed it privately with her friend and her friend was very apologetic, and it wouldn't happen again. She has reassured me that she 100% trusts her and that she's actually a good person/friend to my girl, I just don't fully know her and have only seen the bad side of things. I have always been a person that looks at actions over words so I will believe her when I see it.
After having that discussion, my girl mentioned that "if this is going to cause problems between us, then she just won't go". I don't want to control my girlfriends life so I basically told her that I will support her in whatever decision she makes, but until her friend proves herself to me that she is reliable and trustworthy, then I am going to be worrying. My girl said that she appreciates that I am looking out for her and she understands my concerns, and again said that if this will cause a problem between us, then she just won't go.
My girl also mentioned something questionable to me. She said that she has never been on a girls holiday before so she would like to experience one - I have been questioning the meaning behind this ever since she messaged it.
My other concern is that once my girl is around her friend and if her friend ends up becoming single, her friend will end up becoming wild and most likely will put my girlfriend in vulnerable situations where men will be involved with them. This holiday will be the ultimate test for our relationship, but if my girlfriend does actually do something, I will never know anyway and that's the scary part....? She will never have been in a situation like this before for her to know how she will behave/act, especially around a friend who may influence her.
Not really sure what to think of this at the moment so how would you handle a situation like this without controlling your partner?
With what you shared in your previous post, I'm wondering if your girlfriend has any other female friends around her age. Maybe this is an opportunity to encourage her to find some, which means going where they can be found sober and lucid. Maybe getting into music, painting, sculpture, sewing, or knitting classes will bring her into contact with other females whose acquaintance she can make.
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My girlfriend's mum threatened me when she was drunk - what are your thoughts?
Girlfriends mum threatening situation is further below
Background information: I have been in an exclusive relationship with my girlfriend coming up to 8 years now and we are currently looking into buying a house together. She's 26 and I am 30, I fell into a relationship with her when she was 18. She had an abusive boyfriend before me when she was underage (below 18) and he would've been in his early 20s. After she split up with this abusive boyfriend, she slept with another person and then me, which makes me the 3rd person she has ever slept with - she is my first proper girlfriend and I basically lost my virginity to her, before her I use to be a pussy, got bullied in school and my father wasn't around. Our relationship has been fairly smooth with nothing major, a few hiccups along the way towards the beginning, but that was probably down to my blue pilled attitude/behaviours that I have spent years trying to change.
As I have started levelling up in life and increasing my value (looks, gym, from 50kg skinny unhealthy body to a 75kg muscular body from years of training and healthy eating etc.), I came pretty close to cheating on her maybe 2-3 years ago (which I am not proud of), but I didn't do any phyiscal cheating (kissing, touching or sex etc.) so I have layed it to bed, learned my lesson and forgotten about it (I am going to put it down to never having felt wanted by anyone thoughout my teenage years and when I started feeling it years ago by talking to other women, I let it get the better of me, but again I did not cheat in the sense of kissing or sex).
About 2-3 months ago, I noticed that my girlfriend had started hiding her phone when we were watching Netflix together, she started sitting in a way so I couldn't see her phone screen (I never look at it anyway, I have always trusted her). At first, I felt a strong feeling in my gut that something was wrong because out of 7-8 years, she has 'never' done that before. During that time, I did not say anything and I let it pass. The Saturday after, she was using the same behaviour as the previous week and kind of hiding her phone, angling her body away from me. This happened for maybe 4-5 weeks, but I did not react and let her carry on because in my mind, if she is going to cheat on me then that is up to her, she knows that if she did then she would be gone. Between those 4-5 weeks, there was 2-3 times where she would disappear for a few hours after finishing work and that isn't like her, she would normally text every hour usually. I put it down to her going to for a coffee with her friend, but at the time it did feel a little strange. One week, we had a bit of a disagreement over something and I kind of slipped up, I mentioned to her that I noticed she had been hiding her phone and that she is probably messaging over men. She became very defensive, acting like I don't trust her and that I could check her phone right now if I want to - I declined. One morning a few weeks later, I asked her if she could Shazam a song for me on her phone while I played the song on my phone. She went to make breakfast for me so I quickly went through her Instagram and didn't really find anything, besides this one man she had been messaging 1 month ago from their last message (I feel very bad for doing this without her knowledge). She randomly come back in the room to check up to see if I had finished Shazam'ing the song though, which I thought was her subtly way that she was hiding something.
Our sex life has been fairly smooth even 8 years in, I have had a lot of battles with her over the years as a woman's desire seems to completely drop off a cliff the longer the relationship, but she usually seems to want continue contributing 50% whenever I have brought it up, which is a good sign. She swallows my cum, I cum on her face when I feel like it, I sometimes just want to place my dick on her beautiful face, then cum on her face and video it. We do a lot of deep stuff and this may sound slightly weird, but I have 100s of videos of us having sex, cumming on her face or oral sex from over the years.
NOW FOR THE PART YOU'VE PROBABLY CLICKED ON THIS TOPIC FOR I have always got on very well with her family, especially her mum. I mean that's how it would usually work with 8 years growth together.
Yesterday evening, I drove to another town to pick my girlfriend up as she was coming back to my house after she had been out drinking all day with her mum. I had basically advised my girlfriend that I had finished my gym session and I was going to make my way to where she was. I got to the place she was at and she didn't answer her phone 10 times after ringing her. I was sat waiting for 20 minutes in the end and as you can imagine, I was fairly annoyed at that considering we both had planned I was to pick her up. Anyway, she came out of the pub with her mum (I thought her mum was staying out drinking) and when she opened the door, I was probably a bit 'short' with her (I didn't raise my voice) and her mum knew instantly something was wrong and I couldn't hide that I was annoyed. My girlfriend explained that she didn't realise I was going to pick her up from the pub, her phone was on silent and she apologised. Obviously her apology isn't going to flip a switch in my head so I'm back to being happy, but the atmosphere probably wasn't nice for her mum to be around. I drove maybe 5 minutes and dropped her mum off at home.
Please note, her mum had been out drinking so she was probably fairly drunk. Before her mum got out the car, she said that she didn't like the atmosphere and she didn't like the way I was, she said that if I ever did it again that she would 'fucking twat' me and her tone of voice didn't sound like she was joking (my girlfriend played it off as she was joking and I shouldn't have thought she was serious). She said it maybe twice or 3 times that she would 'fucking twat' me if I ever acted like that again, she loves me etc. but don't act like that again, that's her daughter and she doesn't care who I am, she will stick up for her. At that moment in time, I felt shocked, humilated and bullied. To make matters even worse, my girlfriend didn't even support me in the situation and she didn't jump in to tell her mum to stop.
After this whole situation, I talked to my girlfriend over it and let her know my thoughts (that it was completely uncalled for, all because I may have been in a mood for having to wait 20 minutes and that I didn't feel supported, which is what I would've of expected my girlfriend to do in a situation like that).
In the end, her mum eventually texted me to apologise because my girlfriend had texted her over it. We're both fine now again because we texted each other.
However, I still can't shift this feeling that her mum has absolutely no respect for me at all and it makes me wonder what she would be like if anything worse was to happen, such as an argument or something? I am probably in the wrong for being 'moody' in front of her mum, but I wasn't as bad as they are making out. I didn't lose my temper, I didn't shout. I gently let my girlfriend know that I was waiting 20 minutes and that she shouldn't of had her phone on silent knowing I was going to pick her up around this time.
What are your thoughts? Sorry for the long read.
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